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Having a White Christmas in Texas is a mixed bag of good and bad. It's good for all the obvious reasons (snow! Christmas! etc!) but bad because, in Texas, snow doesn't just mean snow. It means ice, bad drivers, accidents, road closures, and travel delays and cancellations.

Christmas Eve, Celeste and I didn't quite make it to our friends house as we had planned. Sure, I have AWD. Sure I could have made it. But after hearing reports of over 300 accident reports in Fort Worth alone, it was no longer the ice, the snow, or my vehicle that I was concerned about. It was all those other drivers. So we stayed put at my mom's house despite the fact that everyone else had left for church/other festivities.

Christmas was awesome. Despite Celeste never taking a nap worth mentioning and having more sugar in one day than any 2 year old should be allowed in her entire second year, she did quite well. Yeah, she was cranky from time to time toward the end, but, I'm getting quite good at offsetting it.

She loved all of her gifts. The biggest hits were the play kitchen my parents got her, the piggy bank my sister got her, and the playsilks that I got her. I thought the wooden cars and trees that Santa got her would be a big hit too, but she hasn't given them a second glance yet.

The only odd, strange, unpredictable aspect of Christmas was, once again, my parents. At some point in the not too distant past they decided that immediately following Christmas they'd be taking a vacation to Arkansas to photograph the many waterfalls of the Buffalo River, a worthwhile adventure by any account. But they decided to do so and the hell with anything else.

Celeste's birthday is today (the 26th). It was going to be celebrated today. We were going to spend one more night at my mom's and celebrate it over there, saving them and my sister a trip out, and ensuring that my brother would come. My mom, instead, suddenly pushed very hard to have it after dinner on Christmas evening citing that they wanted to get a head start on their vacation. So… that's exactly what we did. Almost immediately following cake and presents we were — though never specifically stated — kicked out of the house.

It was a mad dash, without reason, to pack up all of our stuff, get it all in the car, and get out on the road. Celeste was crying. Everyone was far too busy to help with anything because they were all packing up their stuff too. I'm glad that C's mom decided to spend Christmas afternoon with us, for all the obvious reasons of having her there for Celeste on Christmas day but also to help soothe her as everything turned to chaos.

Ideally, I'd have stayed at my mom's a few more hours and drove back in the evening when Celeste would have slept. Would have made it easier to unload the car and I hate making her take 1 hour road trips to and from when I don't have to.

All in all it worked out fine, of course, I just don't particularly care for the the unexpected scramble, nor do I tolerate it very well. I kept imagining myself with a friend/partner who could say "Daniel, calm down!" in the nicest way possible to help keep me even instead of all stressed out. Yeah, I know I should be more "independent" than that, and I do okay on my own. But, I've always believed that the true power of a team was based in the ability to rely on each others strengths in order to help cover or improve each others weaknesses. Yes, some of you dream of being rockstars, super models, pimp daddys, and race car drivers. Not me. I just dream of being unstressed, of breathing fresh air, and of laughing as much as possible.

No Christmas recap would be complete without a list of Christmas booty (unfortunately, there was no Christmas "Bootie" to be had, but that can wait for another day). I got a shopvac from my sister, which I am very excited about. I got a netbook from my parents which will hopefully make travel with the kiddo and updating new thoughts and photos a little easier (I'm typing this on it right now). I got a pretty candle/decorative thing from my brother. Celeste loves little decorations, especially those that hold candles, so I'm sure this will be a hit. I also got a nice little pile of random stocking stuffs from that fat guy in a red suit. More than anything I'm excited about all of Celeste's gifts and eager to see her play with them and watch her imagination create new uses for them.

Merry Christmas to you all. May you find your own life filled with many blessings during this coming year and may you offer even more blessing to those you love and care about.

I've managed to take one item off the list of possible Christmas plans and yet I've added another. So here it is, Christmas Eve, and I'm still making up my mind. Yeah, everything works out this way for me. It's a curse.

I'm not going to my brothers. That amounted to the most work for the least benefit.

However, a friend (Hi, Skwid!) has offered an invitation to their Christmas festivities. There will even be another kid there and several other friends.

Staying home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning just doesn't sound ideal. Several of you wrote to say that doing your own thing in your own home with your own kids is the nicest way to spend the holiday. And, in principal, I'd agree. But my situation makes that less desirable. If we only leave gifts under the tree for which there is someone present to receive it, then every gift will be for Celeste, either from me, from a few long distance family members, or from some fat guy in a red coat and silly hat. There are no other kids here. There are no other adults here. And Celeste isn't old enough to have made or bought me anything on her own. Anyone else that could have helped her do so didn't. Or at least, if they did, I don't know about it and the gift isn't here to open. While I'm a big fan of making our own traditions and having our own little life, I don't ever want Christmas to amount to a tower of gifts in front of a child and nothing more. Because, to me, that's not what Christmas is about at all.

To me Christmas is supposed to be about family (chosen and inherited), friendship, and togetherness. It's supposed to be about giving, and sharing, and believing. It's supposed to be about hope, and rebirth. The best way to make that happen is to spend it with people that care about us and that want us around.

My parents (well, my dad anyway. my mom still isn't talking to me) have said, "come whenever you want". And while that may seem ideal and certainly is from a "cram the most into two days as possible" standpoint, I want to feel wanted. That doesn't make me feel wanted. Christmas in the past has always been at my parent's and it has always been mandatory. There was simply no doubt about where everyone was going to be on Christmas day. If you had other stuff going on, that was fine, but you'd better show up and you'd better be there a lot. I liked it that way. Between me spending every other Christmas in Canada with my ex-wife, my older brother moving to Vermont, my sister desiring to have Christmas in her new home the year she bought it, and my brother having to share his kid with his ex-wife on the holidays, the ritual was strained. It could have lasted anyway. Because it was NEVER about WHERE we met, only about who we were meeting with and why. But, all of that fell through the cracks.

I put a lot of importance on ritual: with family and friends, in our day to day lives, and in my own spirituality. This is part of what makes living my life so special to me but also what makes it so difficult from time to time. If I didn't, then these days would just be ordinary days like any other day and it wouldn't matter nearly as much what we did or who we saw or whether everything worked out in an ideal fashion. I give Celeste gifts all the time. And we spend time with people all the time. And we spend many, many, many days and nights home together alone. And these days should be no different. Except they are.

So, all of this means that spending time with friends on Christmas Eve is really the best possible option. Friends that have gone out of their way to make sure that we know we're invited and very welcome. It is, sadly, also the most difficult. Since I'd rather not have Celeste wake up in our empty house on Christmas morning this means that I'd have to drive out to my parent's house late that night after Christmas Eve festivities, get our room ready for sleeping, put a toddler to bed, unpack a car full of gifts, and then get myself settled in. Or, go to my parent's house earlier, set everything up, then head out for a lovely Christmas Eve, then head back.

So, in the midst of this pile of wrapping paper and ribbon and tape and too many cups of tea, I'm trying to figure out a plan of action that's actually going to work, involve the least amount of driving, leave me with the least amount of stress and, most of all, let Celeste have the best possible time.

I can tell it's Christmas by the sounds of arguing from within my family. It happens every year. There's always something to go wrong. This year I guess it's my fault. Or rather, I'm the one with the problem. I want to spend Christmas with my family: inherited and chosen. This isn't completely possible, of course, because so many people have so many plans. But, at least I try. And that's what I'm doing: trying to get as many people in one place as possible.

This is the first Christmas Celeste will really remember. I'm trying to make it really nice for her and it seems like my family is doing everything they can to combat that.

For starters, I flat out told my mom that I hadn't completely decided how I was going to do the "Santa" story with Celeste but that, whatever it was, her mom and I would work it out together so that we had the same idea. So, the next time my mom got Celeste alone, she told her only two things about Christmas: 1) Santa says "HO HO HO" and 2) Santa brings you new toys. Skip over the spirit of giving, all of the fun folk lore, the idea that Santa brings every kid toys, and just focus on the worst aspect of it all: "Santa brings new toys".

But that's just an annoyance more than anything. My mom has also decided she's not speaking to me. Or, rather, speaking to me as little as possible so as to not seem like she's doing the whole "I'm not talking to you" thing. On top of that, my mom and my brother live 15 minutes from each other. Of all of us, they live the closest. Yet they are the two deciding to be stubborn and unwilling to leave their own houses Christmas morning or Christmas eve. So, no matter what, I can have one or the other, but not both, even though neither of them have anyone else coming over unless Celeste and I show up. I really wanted Celeste to enjoy Christmas with family around, including her cousin and her grandparents. But, my family is making it difficult.

These are my options, I think:

1) Spend Christmas Eve/Morning at my brother's house. His son will be gone from 5pm to 9pm on Christmas Eve which means it'll just be Celeste and him and I for a big chunk of the evening. Then, when his son gets home, we can leave out some cookies and such and then do the whole Christmas thing in the morning. Then, we'd go to my mom's house and he'd go do a few other things and eventually show up there himself.

2) Spend Christmas Eve/Morning at my mom's house. My sister won't be there for Christmas Eve. And my mom isn't talking to me. So, it'd basically just be Celeste and my Dad and I. Then in the morning my sister would be there. And then, later still in the morning, my brother would show up. This is slightly better because Celeste will have grandparents and an aunt and uncle there, but slightly worse because she won't have any other kids to enjoy it with.

3) Spend Christmas Eve at our house and show up to my mom's house on Christmas Day when my brother does. This is slightly better because we can have our own traditions and our own house and I can really make it special for Celeste in whatever way I believe to be best. But this is a lot worse because it'll just be her and I for most of it and I really want to to be about togetherness.

I know I'm making this into more than it needs to be. It just frustrates me, that's all. I think, more than anything, I hate having to beg people to spend time with me, and hate even more to have to beg people to spend time with my daughter, and yet that's exactly what I feel like I'm doing.

I am nearly ready for my second tattoo (sort of my first, if you think like I do).

At any rate, I'd really like this one to be in a less hidden place. Yet, at the same time, I worry greatly about employability. I do have a daughter to care for after all. And money isn't everything, but it sure helps.

So I ask all of you…

Have visible tattoos ever affected your ability to get a job, keep a job, earn a fair wage, or receive proper service from various establishments?

Even if it didn't happen to you, have you ever seen someone discriminated against because of a visible tattoo?

I'm probably going to do it anyway. My left forearm. But… I'd like to hear out both sides before committing.

Last Wednesday I was in a car accident. I wasn't hurt and Celeste wasn't in the car. But, two of my airbags deployed, the rear axle and the frame was bent and, after lots of number crunching, the insurance company decded to total the vehicle.

So I got a rental car that day. Two days later, C and I stopped at the body shop to get my stuff out of the car before releasing it. It's moments like these that I am so happy that Celeste is such a good kid, because I don't know what I'd have done otherwise. She sat and played quietly in the back of the broken car while I quickly pulled all of our stuff out of it. Then we headed home to pack a bag and then head to my mom's house.

My mom and sister offered to watch Celeste on Saturday so I could go car shopping. Without thier help I don't know what I would have done. Car buying is not easy. And even less easy with an antsy 2 year old.

9 hours later, I was a Subaru Outback owner. More on that later. My brother-in-law saved my ass that day too. First, he came up to the dealership to help me make sure I asked all the important questions. Then, he went way out of his way to help me return my rental car so that I wouldn't be an hour away from home with a kid and 2 cars. Once again, I don't know what I would have done had he not offered to help.

So, thanks to my Mom, my sister, and my brother-in-law, I managed to take care of something that would have been all but impossible to do on my own.

I missed Celeste more that Saturday than I usually do. When her mom has her, I guess I've learned to somewhat tune that out, because there's nothing I can do to change it. But with my daughter just around the corner at my mom's house, on one of the longest and best days of all — Saturday — it was so hard to not just run away from the stuff that needed to be done so I could go spend the day with her. If I hadn't, though, my only other opportunity would have been the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and I didn't know how long I'd be able to keep the rental.

So, all in all, I am grateful for my family today, and grateful that I wrapped this mess up as quickly as possible so we can get back to normal life, whatever that is.

In my mind there was simply no way to take the paper out of book reading. Something about dog earing and page turning and the dryness of each page between my fingers was just too much a part of the experience to give up. Then, at one point this week I found myself without a book to read. Then I remembered the Amazon Kindle. This device is a digital book reader — that it, it allows you to read electronic books on an electronic screen. More specifically, I remembered there being a version of Amazon's Kindle (iKindle) available for the iPod Touch. So I decided to give it a try. Within minutes I was reading "by Reason of Insanity" in all of it's digital glory. So, how did it go?

Well, first of all, it was a poor book choice. I picked it, admittedly, because it was the first option that seemed somewhat appealing of the free books available from Amazon. It turns out — surprise — I'm not really a fan of the "legal thriller". Nor am I fan of Randy Singer's writing style, obvious plot points, and contrived yet flat characters. That being said, the book is not terrible. Just not great either.

But that's not what matters. What matters is that reading a book in this digital manner was, believe it not, quite enjoyable. Within 20 (very small) pages (though I have no idea how many pages that equates to in the real book) I was used to the format and the medium itself became transparent.

I loved the idea that my book was stored inside a device I was already carrying with me. I didn't have to remember to lug around a book (or two or three) and it was almost impossible that I would forget it in a doctor's office or airplane seat back as I've done many times before. It remembers where I left off, allows me to bookmark pages and highlight passages, and the books download wirelessly so I can order now and read it now, even if I don't have a computer handy.

I can't imagine purchasing the actual "Kindle" device, though. $260 is not a terrible price point considering that it comes with free 3G wireless access. It does have some features above and beyond the iPhone/Touch app: The screen is bigger, for starters. And it's been created specifically for reading text. So the contrast is appropriate for reading and you can see it direct sunlight. Additionally, it has some crazy battery life, so you never have to worry about going without. But, at the same time, bigger means more to carry and, despite being engineered for the task, carrying fewer things is one of the points of going digital when it comes to reading. Then again, I've only read a quarter of one book in this manner. And I've never actually touched a Kindle. Maybe with time and some hands on experience, I'd change my mind. 

On the down side, books have always had a secondary purpose for me. Despite reading being a very introverted activity, the book itself became a social thing. Every book on my shelf was a conversation piece. I have always been a BIG fan of GIVING books to people after I've read them instead of loaning them out. Not having the books on my shelf, in my bag, or on my coffee table eliminates that possibility. Additionally, with Kindle, loaning a book is not an option. I'd have to loan you my iPod Touch or Kindle device to make that happen at which point, you'd have ALL of my books, among other things.

Barnes and Noble has recently announced the "Nook". A Kindle rival, this device promises to have all the features the kindle has, plus a secondary color screen and the ability to loan out books. Additionally, just like iKindle, Barnes and Noble has the eReader application available for iPhone/Touch. As soon as I finish reading my most recent purchase, The Stolen Child by Keith Donahue, I'll give B&N's eReader a spin. The book pricing is roughly the same, and B&N is claiming 1,000,000 titles to Amazon's 360,000. Sadly, neither of them seem to offer Suzanne Collin's new book, Catching Fire. 

Posted via email from revjim's posterous

Okay, camping doesn't suck. But I'm sure you'd like to know why, even though I went camping last night, I'm waking up in my bed this morning. Here goes.

First, despite having them on three different lists, I forgot diapers again. Not a huge deal. I had enough to make it until morning, but still.

Secondly, Celeste through a huge fit when I tried to put her down. And I didn't handle it very well. She eventually went to sleep with a smile on her face asking for more "brown bear brown bear book", but still. I think she may have been frightened by the tunnel nature of the tent. A larger one is probably a good idea.

Third, because I was so busy trying to get her to sleep I didn't straighten myself out until it was cold, dark, and quiet. So, in between tossing and turning, I was doing it as quietly as possible so as not to wake Celeste or my campmates.

Fourth, I forgot to bring a sleeping pad or air mattress. Not a big deal either, in the summer. The people we camped with lent us an extra, but it didn't work with only one because there wasn't enough room for Celeste and I. Sleeping pads serve a secondary function: they insulate you from warmth sapping ground.

Fifth, without a sleeping pad my -10F rated sleeping bag wasn't cutting it. It was beyond cold. I kept checking Celeste to make sure she was okay, and she was. But between the worry and the cold itself, it was hard to sleep.

Sixth, I finally got up and put on two long sleeve shirts and a jacket. My legs would still be cold but at least I could probably sleep that way.

Seventh, when I got back in my sleeping bag, the zipper broke. Mummy bags do not work without a zipper. I ended up exposed to either the cold ground or the cold air.

Eighth, at 1am I decided that if I didn't get some sleep I was going to be horribly grumpy all day and that wouldn't be good for Celeste or I… so we left.

Lessons learned:
1. Get a bigger tent. Not huge, just bigger.

2. Mummy bags suck and have a single point of failure. When possible, bring blankets.

3. Always bring a sleeping pad, cot, or air mattress. At the very least, bring extra blankets or find a pile of leaves and pine needles to put under the tent.

4. Never trust equipment you haven't used several times. Bring a backup plan.

5. Never trust the packaging any product is in.

6. Never go camping with a toddler and only 45 minutes of both planning and packing… unless you're camping nearby and can go home if needed. :)

Posted via email from revjim's posterous

Tonight, Celeste and I made pumpkin cookies. Despite our measurements being a bit off with her helping and all, they turned out delicious.

Many of you have asked for the recipe. I used, basically, my dear friend Melissa's recipe. Only I halved it, and added a few "Daniel" touches.

Cookies for YOU!

Daniel and Melissa's Cherry Pumpkin Cookies

Wet Works:
1/2 cup butter (1 stick) (softened)
1 cup white sugar
1 cup pureed pumpkin
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla

Dry Works:
1 tsp cinnamon
2 1/4 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda

Chunky Stuff:
1/2 cup chopped dried cherries (or cranberries)
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1 tbsp orange zest

Method:
Typical cookie method applies. Mix the wet stuff together. Mix the dry stuff together. Then put the dry stuff into the wet stuff and mix it together. Then throw in the chunky bits. Cook at 375 for about 10 minutes. Serve with cold milk.

Yields about 3 dozen.

Our last day was hectic. In fact, i'm writing this from the plane as we decend into DFW.

I spent 3 hours getting ready for the day, having breakfast, and packing bags. There was just too much to fit into too little of space. My mom gave Celeste a blanket, two stuffed animals, 3 sweat pant sets, and a huge box of stickers. It was just too much.

Leaving late I still managed to get o my brother's house for a quick lunch before heading to the airport.

Our wait for the gate in Vermont wasn't too bad. The airport was very crowded though. Our flight to Detroit wasn't too bad either and we even managed to secure an extra seat.

However, once we landed in Detroit, we got there late. And the jet bridge was broken. And we alteady had to hurry from C24 to B18 to make our connection. The delays didn't help.

So we ran.

Only to leave an hour and a half late anyway because of some TSA security issue with the inbound flight.

When we finally left, the flight was booked solid, Celeste fell asleep and I could not get comfortable. For 2.5 hours I tossed and turned and increased the crick in my neck. Ouch.

I can't wait to land. 12 more minutes. It'll be good to be home.

Yesterday was filled with fun. Perhaps one of my best days yet.

After getting ourselves ready in the morning, C and I went for a hike up Mt. Philo in order to look over the entire Champlain valley. At least that was the goal. Access tithe park was closed, however. So, we could only access the trail that criscrosses up the side of the mountain. It was steep, and rocky, and covered in mud from the rain the day before. We made it about 1/2 a mike before I needed a break. I put C down on a rock to rest and that's when she decided she wanted no more walking (which, for her, means being carried by me). So, after a quick rest we headed back down which was really difficult thanks to all the mud. We made it though. C fell asleep on the 10 minute drive home BEFORE 11am, so I think she needed he rest.

While she slept I had a really enjoyable conversation with a friend over IM while fixing my grandfather's computer. More than anything I was grateful for a little privacy, the first that I'd had since I left home.

When C woke up we ate lunch and then piled in the car to head to my Aunt's house. The drive over the mountain was beautiful. We stopped at the top and I made a snow ball for C to hold. We took a couple of photos too. It was so cool to see the thick, heavy snow fresh on the evergreens at the summit, followed by a band of gold and red and orange of the deciduous trees in the valley, followed by the grey and black outlines of the mountains of New York followed by the grey, white, and blue band of sky and clouds. I only hope the photo I captured with a toddler in my other arm manages to do it some justice.

My Aunt's house was lots of fun. Good people, good food, good everything. I only wish I had more time there.

The drive home was a bit tense. The same curvy mountain back road that was so beautiful during the day becomes quite scary at night with no light. Thankfully there was almost no water on the roads which meant the drive was easy and I didn't have any slips.

As soon as we got home we climbed in bed. I tried to get a good night's sleep, but I didn't do very well.

Today we head back to Texas. I miss you all so much. You should probably start the emails and phone calls now so I'll feel good about myself and know that I'm going to see you all very soon.

After we get up, we'll have breakfast and pack our bags. We'll stop in the city to mail something via UPS. Then drive to my brother's place about an hour north. There, C will get some running around done and hoefully tire herself a hit and get rid of some of the antsies. After lunch we'll head back tithe city, return the rental car, take a shuttle to the airport, and be headed toward Texas via Detroit.

Weeeee!