January 2nd, 2001:

Here is another hint to the Eyeball challenge:

I have mentioned this person in my journal before.

(found on a 6 pack of toilet paper)

This is just sickening. It is bad enough that I have to actually BUY toilet paper with other people watching, why would they possibly put words like this on the packaging?

Ripples = Clean

Buying toilet paper is a horrible experience. Of course, you want to save money. No one wants to pay $7.99 per roll for something they are going to wad up, wipe their ass with, and flush it down the toilet. But, you have to uphold your image as well. You can’t be seen at the checkout line with four or five of the individually wrapped, more abrasive than sandpaper, rolls of the $0.39 stuff either. You have to find a happy medium. In addition, there is always the question of how much toilet paper to buy. Do you just buy a few rolls? No. Buying only a few rolls at a time means you have to go back on a more regular schedule, which means one of the checkout clerks could recognize a pattern and then they would have a rough estimate of just how much you shit. Do you buy the 24 pack, to keep the frequency of this terrible ordeal to a minimum? No. Buying many rolls could give someone the impression that you have a constant case of the runs that you are stocking up for.

After spending way too much time in the toiletries aisle already, who has time to check the packaging? Not me. I’m getting out of there just as soon as I can. I grabbed the 6 pack of Kleenex Cottonelle and crammed it as far down in my cart as I could. Of course, I had NO clue that such vulgar advertising slogans were being loudly pressed against the side of my cart for the entire population to laugh and point at. In fact, I didn’t actually realize it until after this particular purchase was making its happy way down the conveyor belt, and by that time, it was far too late.

If anyone knows where I can purchase toilet paper online, please let me know. Anonymity is REQUIRED. If I have to give this company my REAL name they could really track my bathroom habits.

Here are some pictures of my apartment. I am not sure WHO took them, but they were in the camera. Whoever did take them was an AWFUL photographer, because they were incredibly crooked. I just rotated them to be correct and filled in the empty spaces with black. Heh.

(half of my living room, a bit messy. Yes, Jaclyn, your chair is STILL there)

(my hallway. the door at the end is my bedroom. don’t go in, it’s messy. Yes, that’s me with the glasses on)