It is not that I mind criticism. In fact, if someone has something negative to say about me I’d rather hear it than not. And that goes for anything; from “you look icky” and “your breath stinks” to “you sing poorly” and “your mama dresses you funny”. I can handle constructive criticism. Sometimes I take it a little more to heart than I should, but I can handle it.
The reason it upset me so much when my ex-girlfriend said “he looked icky” didn’t have so much to do with the fact that she was saying something negative about me, or that she was doing so in a public forum. Instead, it upset me because if she honestly thought I looked “icky”, I would have preferred she told me to my face and with a little more tact. I was also upset because she doesn’t really think I look “icky”, she merely said that to make herself feel better about the situation.
Two years ago, I looked pretty close to the same way I do now: I wore roughly the same style of clothes, I listened to the same music, I had same lifestyle, I haven’t increased or decreased my intake of drugs and alcohol, there is no additional stress in my life and I have not contracted any diseases. The only thing that has changed, really, is the length of my hair. At that time she thought I was attractive, or I would hope she did since we were dating.
When I broke up with her she was very upset. She said she didn’t understand. When I explained things to her, she said she would change, and that she didn’t know any better. The reason I broke up with her all boils down to one thing: a lack of respect for me and for herself.
She continued to be upset for quite sometime. Don’t ask me how I know that, because I would rather not go into it.
She said I looked “icky” because that made her feel better. It made her feel like she hadn’t lost anything by losing me. It made her feel like she was better off without me.
I don’t hate her. I don’t wish her any harm. In fact, I don’t even wish she hadn’t written that.
Of course I was a little hurt to find out that I looked “icky” in such an untactful manner… but more than that, it hurts to think that she feels like she has to say such things to make herself feel better.
I admire honesty. I respect someone who can look me in the eyes and tell me they don’t like something about me; not because they dislike me, but because they care enough to inform me. But what she did was nothing but ruthless, and self-centered.
And that’s okay. There is no need to beat her up, or stab your voodoo dolls in my honor. I am fine.
And deep down inside, she is a decent person, too. But it is obvious that she still hasn’t learned how to respect herself or other people.
