June, 2001:

I’m drinking Orange Crush in a glass bottle with a kitty in my lap. This makes me very happy.

I’m eating a fruit roll-up and that makes me very very happy.

And not the crappy, nasty ass cutout kind. The real, one-great-big-slab-o-pure-fruit-flattened-and-stuck-on-a-piece-of-plastic kind. Mmmmmm

Oh the stress, anguish, and inner turmoil that occurs in today’s workplace.

My boss just left work. He is on vacation Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and thought he would take a head start by leaving early today. I am in charge in his absence. My boss’ boss, is also on vacation, and doesn’t return until late Sunday night to be here Monday morning. My boss was in charge for my boss’ boss, which, since he is now gone, leaves me in charge of my people, my boss’ people, and my boss’ boss’ people. Now my boss’ boss’ boss works in New Jersey, or New York or Massachusetts or something.

In a, before now, unrelated circumstance, I don’t want to be here. I am tired, have stuff to do, and am just plain sick of work. I have work to do, but none of it is due tomorrow. In fact, none of it is even due Monday. In fact, none of it is even due next week.

Part of me wants to grab my laptop, sling it over my shoulder, and run out the front door. I tell my self, “I will never get caught, and even if I did, I could claim that I had a personal errand that I needed to run and since I don’t even know my boss’ boss’ boss’ name, I had no clue how to contact him/her to let him/her know I would be gone. Even if I did get caught, and had no excuse…..”

fuck it….

bye

(10:39:53) skyesque: you’re so cute. i wish we lived near each other
(10:39:59) skyesque: i think we would go out all the time
(10:40:04) skyesque: and have metric buttloads of fun
(10:40:41) skyesque: actually, we would probably just sit in random parking lots and have lots of deep conversations
(10:40:48) skyesque: and we would be like tragic teenagers

Cindy…. you’re the greatest.

“You seem beat up.” — My Boss

I don’t mind worry following me like a dinosaur
I don’t fear I am descending into the molten core
So far, I have not found a Science.

This morning is one of the mornings where I spend the entire time I am making coffee, picking out clothes, checking e-mail, taking a shower, and getting dressed trying to think of a good reason to call my boss and tell him I am going to work from home today. That should be reason enough.

When you were languishing in rooms I built to foul you in
And when the wind set down in funnel form and pulled you in

When the ghostly dust of violence traces everything
And when the gas runs out just wreck it, you insured the thing

But I can’t sigh now that you made the move
It has gone and gone to dogs, lay down on the floor
For the right price I can get everything
Slip into the car, go driving to the farthest star

I don’t need to walk around in circles

I know that I have lost more than she cares to admit. Although she tells me everything is fine, I know different. I know she feels like she cannot talk to me any more. And I can’t fix it. And I can’t call her on it. And it doesn’t matter. Because I don’t need to walk around in circles anymore.

I am going to see AI tonight. Wish me luck getting up tomorrow, cause I wont be home till 1am and I know I won’t be going to bed until 2 or 3am.

My knees itch…. damn sun-burn.

THESE!

We won tonight’s game. I did really well, but I still feel I could have done better.

Becca, Allison, and Lisa showed up to cheer us on. After a while they decided to bowl a game of their own a few lanes over. Becca and I had a little wager going. It started out being just me… but I eventually convinced her to reciprocate. The wager was, for every strike I got, she would take off an item of clothing, and vice-versa. I ending up getting 4, and she got 3. Of course, the payment end of this wager could not be fulfilled at the bowling alley due to the law and all. But as she was leaving she said “We’ll settle this up later.” We’ll see.

I’m still playing around with SoundTracker. I bought a decent microphone and a nice monitor headset, so hopefully lyrics and a final version of the stuff I posted this morning will come in the next few days. It is sad that, even after only a few days of usage, I am finding flaws, bugs, and missing features in this piece of software. Either I just think too much about stupid shit, or I want software to do things most people don’t. I’m not sure which.

Since most of WhatTeam will be occupied on Thursday night, our usual practice night, we are going tomorrow instead. We will be at the Main Event in Lewisville. All are welcome.

It is late…. I have to get up in four hours… and I have no clean laundry for tomorrow. *sigh*

Last night I went though all those old folders and books I have piled up on a shelf in my closet looking for a sonet I wrote in the 11th grade for an AP English class project. I found it. I ended up reading though a lot of old stuff.

Untitled / Undated

Alone. Alone. Insipid.
Life’s icy grip grabs hold my soul. Alone.
Trapped. Trapped. Oppressed.
Controlled by needs for love, not love itself.
Fight. Fight. Withheld.
Attempts to leave are barred by purist touch.
I have no way out.

And another:

Untitled / Undated

Locked doors and faded faces lack consent.
Their thoughts are jaded; makes me diffident.
Insipid life will take its fatal hold.
And toss me out into the icy cold.

It is interesting to be able to reread this stuff seven or eight years later.

I started playing with Sound Tracker on Thursday and spent a good chunk of time yesterday trying to create one “song” that actually sounds decent. I think I am to that point now. The arrangement isn’t set in stone, as the lyrics have yet to be written…. but changing the arrangement is easy once the pieces are there. I would have done the vocals yesterday but when I went to dig up my microphone, I realized my cat chewed through the wire… which means it doesn’t work and I don’t feel like fixing it.

I followed the “Keep It Simple Stupid” school of thought for this first attempt, having never worked with tracker software of any kind, and not being a musician or a composer (at least not practicing in anyway), I figured that was my best bet.

The music is all mine (though I am sure pieces of it are influenced by things I have heard and I just don’t realize it). The samples used to make the sounds of the instruments, however, are not mine, as I only own one musical instrument and have no means of recording it (acoustic guitar). Most of the music was worked out on guitar first, and then mapped into the tracker software.

The samples I had to work with were not “in tune” with one another… and I don’t tune by ear all that well… so the guitar and the bass may not be perfectly in tune with one another… but it is pretty close. I think I spent about 1hr nudging it this way and that until it sounded reasonably in tune.

This is a work in progress. As soon as I get a new mic, I will record vocals and rearrange the piece to accommodate them. Don’t expect anything spectacular here kids… I am no professional.

Comments, suggestions, and criticism openly accepted.