June 6th, 2001:

There are a million things I could be doing now:

paymybills . figureoutwhatbradowesme . goforaswim . cleanthebathroom . workonmywebsite . answersomeemail . dosomelaundry . runaroundtheblock . codeforwork . workonphotoalbum . writepoetry . readabook . callafriend . planabudget . cleanthekitchen . hangpictures . goworkout . playtheguitar . goforadrive . cleanthetruck . watchamovie . playwiththecat . burnacd . checkthemail

But instead…. I think I will go to sleep.

I have $9.13 in my checking account. This is because I am too lazy to actually keep a check register or monitor my account balance or even open my bank statements.

t h e r e m u s t b e m o r e t h a n t h i s

I am lost in this expansive nothingness that is time. I plan, I plot, and like the plague, I consume… yet am still left with nothing. Of my own admittance I am unmotivated, uncommitted, and I lack ambitition. When will this all change?

Sometimes I spend ten times more time than is needed planning something, merely because I don’t want to actually do it.

I haven’t always been this way. What caused this? What will it take to get me back on track?