September 16th, 2001:

I learned how to play “Sandman” and “Horse With No Name” by America today on the guitar. Well… I kind of learned. I taught myself and then played it over and over until my uncalloused fingers were about to bleed. Then I went to my dad’s house and played it some more on his Martin until my fingers actually fell off. I put them on ice when they did, and eventually my mom sewed them back on. They still hurt to type now.

I payed my bills today. That is always depressing.

I have gone 80 hours without a cigarette. I believe the physical chemical addiction is gone. I am still working on repairing the social, and psychological addiction.

I am not really sure why, but I strongly considered calling Ashley on my way home from my parents place today. Perhaps I will give her a call tomorrow and give her (us) a change to make our peace.

I am tired, and am going to bed now.

This morning is exceptionally hard. I generally spend nice quiet Sunday mornings sitting in front of the computer catching up on the latest software releases, working on code, and reading the once-a-week type web sites that I have bookmarked. I am finding it very hard to do that this morning.

Sitting in my computer room is very difficult. I don’t know if it is because I am used to smoking in here, because I am used to smoking while computing, or if it is just because this room smells horribly of smoke. I am going to take bookriot> and ‘s advice and make it not stink in here right now.

I now remember why I don’t have people over that often. I hate cleaning up afterwards.

Actually, I had a really good time. I’m really glad crackmonkey came out, as I don’t get a chance to see enough of him.

I have a small list of things to do today:

• Pay Bills (truck, insurance, electric, phone, cell phone, amex)
  
• Not smoke a cigarette
  
• Buy my sister a birthday card
  
• Avoid smoking a cigarette
  
• Clean the party mess
  
• Ignore the stabbing urge to smoke a cigarette
  
• Go to my parent’s house for my sister’s birthday
  
• Not run any cars off the road while driving to my parent’s house and severely craving a cigarette.