revjim.net

October, 2001:

drink up

I am going to the mall to get some film and some new showlaces. Yes, I broke the ones on my ONLY pair of sneakers yesterday. Snap, crack… right in half. After that I am going to a Party. You should be there too.

Tomorrow, Kari and I will be shooting pictures of Julie in Addison.

I spoke to Mr. Devious today and would like to assure you all that he is actually alive. I tried to get him to come to the party with me, but instead of saying yes or no, he just invited me to a party of his own. I told him I would try to stop by his party if I was still up for it afterwards.

I am running late. I always am. I am good at it.

stars

It is important to have a few people in your life that you can just sit and share stars with. I don’t have enough of those people.

Photography: Help Wanted

I apologize for such short notice on this.

Julie has asked me to photograph her tomorrow in order to update her portfolio for a meeting she has with an agency in a couple of weeks. With things like this, I work better in a team. Someone else to check make-up, pick outfits, help direct the shot, etc. Experience with photography is not required, but is helpful.

Although the shots are for her portfolio, she is very open in regard to what shots are taken, and what “look” she is given. This makes it a fun time for everyone, because while she gets high quality portfolio images, we get a superb model to utilize in shots of our own design for our own portfolios. She is wonderful to work with, and a great friend of mine as well.

Would any of you be interested in coming along? If you are a photographer and wish to shoot as well, she will sign a release form, in most cases. If you would like to come, have any questions, or would like to see more pictures of Julie before deciding, please email me, or call me at 972.670.7587.

Taller



Taller
35mm Ilford HP5+ // Julie // Fort Worth, TX

party…

heyjana has invited the folks of the “this side crew” to join in merriment with the folks of the “that side crew” tomorrow, Saturday, October 27th, 2001 starting at 8:30pm.

There will be drinking. There will also be non-drinking. You get to choose.

A very unprofessional, in my opinion, announcement was made by announcementheyjana>. has a much more official looking announcement which includes an attendance poll.

heyjana claims the attendance will be just under 20 not counting those coming from the “this side crew”.

merryfnpoppins> promises the committing of AT LEAST 5 of the 7 deadly sins. Personally, I’m pulling for sloth.

heyjana has promised “personal favors” for the first 10 attendees. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting there early.

I be reprezentin’ foo. Anyone else from the “this side crew” (which includes Mr. Devious, even though he moved to “that side”. Once you’re in, you’re in for life) interested in coming? RSVP here, via email, or at the poll.

It’s in Crowley (which is just south of Ft. Worth for those of you who refuse to drive more than 15 minutes away from your residence and therefore have no clue where ANYTHING is in this metroplex) so, if you’d like, we can car pool.

Blocked



Blocked
35mm Ilford HP5+ // Los Angeles, CA

needed

I thought you needed me
because you loved me.

I thought I was more to you,
More than the sum of the duties I performed.
But now that you have someone else,
Someone to perform those duties,
I see the truth:

You loved me
because you needed me.

I will always love you:
as a fish loves water,
as lungs love air,
as trees love sunlight.

I have said this all before.

deep

I’m not sure how far these scars go. I’m not even sure when they got so deep. I remember when they started, though. I remember seeing my skin split open and you rolling around in that valley of blood.

That was a year and a half ago. Or was it a month and a half? Either way it seems like forever.

I had done so well before you. I was strong. I stood up for myself. I didn’t back down. I was getting there, anyway. And I let you twist my soul and my will like school children give Indian Burns.

And now you are done with me. Look at what you have left.

I will rebuild. I am resilient. This has happened before, and I will do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I will not be threatened. I will not be tricked into feeling bad for you. I will not be told that I can’t have a bad day, or that the world stops when you raise your arms.

I sound bitter. I sound angry. I am not. I am not threatening. I am not even warning. I am just telling you what I feel and of the resolve that I have within me.

applepie

I found two pieces of paper last night. One of them was a note that was written to me. It was left on my kitchen counter several years ago:

6/9/1998

Daniel,

I got you some pie from Tippin’s (apple) I got some for me, too. But, looks like you’re too busy to eat it with me, so I’ll just leave it here for you. I kind of wanted to hang out with you tonight, but I guess you and Tony already are. If you want, call me later.

Love,
A

Then, in a writing book, I found a “response” I wrote to her note, several years after she wrote it. I never gave her this, as it was not really meant for her to read.

5/11/2000

I lay asleep, but not.
because I heard you come in.
I toss and turn as you touch me
faking reality
suppression.
I know what you want
I know why you came
But your filth is not bearable.
Unable to wake me,
you leave
a note
and a
still warm apple pie.

And as I eat your
American virtues
I wish I had not faked slumber
to avoid your dirt.
Instead I
wish
I had
devoured
YOU
while I had a chance.
Instead of your fucking apple pie.

I still talk to her on occasion. When she has time for me amongst her new friends, and her new job, and her new drug habit.

accept this. except this.

I just have to accept that if we were to go to Australia, she would be with him and not me. Once I get past that, the rest gets a lot easier.