Several people have, in the past, told me that when they hurt, they wish to hurt more. If they were experiencing any kind of emotional pain, they would turn to a good friend to have physical pain inflicted on them. Others would cut themselves, inflicting the pain on themselves. I don’t claim to understand them yet, but I am a bit closer.
I want this hurt to go away. And something tells me that if I manage to bruise my hands this evening that would help a lot.
These are not healthy thoughts. I am trying to be as rational as I can about them.