[understand]
I'm not quite sure I accept myself for this. I tell me, "Daniel, it's just sex". And before anything happens, it all really seems like a good, fun, no strings attached idea. And when it is over, all I can do is pull my hands from my face for the condom stink and listen to her breath slowly return to a normal rate.
There was a time, some time ago, when this didn't feel so bad. She and I would have sex just about every other night, because we could, and we didn't care. And if one of us had a someone in our lives, it was off for that short period of time.
This time, it was all different. After her breathing returned to normal, she stood up and tried to find her pants as I still lay there, like a deer in headlights, unsure what to do or say, just waiting and watching and hoping. As she pulled her panties over her hips she said, "Wow. You know. That's the first time I've had sex since Kevin."
I tried as hard as I could to turn myself into liquid and creep under her bedroom door, but that just wasn't going to happen.
