I am old fashioned in many ways. I believe in chivalry and respect and honor and loyalty. I believe that the rules our parents taught us were taught for a reason. But I also believe that rules are made to be broken in some circumstances and that certain rules do NOT apply to EVERY situation.
It is wrong to kill. I believe that firmly and wholly to the depths of my soul. But should someone threaten the life of someone I love with me near by I wouldn’t think twice about stopping them even if that meant killing them. As bad as I would feel for taking a life, I wouldn’t feel that bad. Rules are meant to be broken in certain circumstances. And rules have reasons behind them. And without those reasons rules don’t mean much, if anything at all.
I don’t believe in living together before marriage. But I also don’t believe in marriage. At least, not in the American sense of marriage. People get married by someone they don’t know, or barely know, and can get a divorce a week later. Marriage doesn’t mean anything to people. Not these days. Not in these times. Because of that, marriage, in that sense, doesn’t mean as much to me. What DOES matter is the marriage of those two people to each other. Their OWN marriage. The one they share and hold sacred to themselves. And if that comes in the form of a church and a veil and a wedding dress, then so be it.
I firmly believe that I will be married before I am married. Because marriage is eternal. Marriage isn’t a piece of paper with some names on it and the prayers of a holy man. Marriage is commitment, and connection, and intertwining.
Look at a book as highly revered as the bible. God, or whomever you believe the bible originated from, wrote “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication” (Thes 4:3). There is a reason for this. Waiting until you are married means ONE more step you have to take and therefore one more step that is hard to undo. But these rules were written in an age where divorce was forbidden: “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” (Matt 19:9). However, in todays time, divorce is common, even amongst those who claim to uphold the words of this highly revered book. So marriage, means not what it did then.
I will NEVER get divorced. Not because I am a “stick by your marriage” kind of guy, but because I will not marry until I am married. And marriage, REAL marriage, isn’t something that is handed to you by a minister. And it doesn’t involve a white dress, a honeymoon, or a minister. When it is there, it’ll be there and you wont have a choice about being married. I liken marriage to spirituality: when it is there it is there and you have no choice. Period. That is marriage. The ceremony should be a celebration of that marriage which happened LONG before. It is the outward display of inner things. It is the “making it official” process. It is a tangible method of proclaiming what happened to your soul long ago.
Imagine it this way. Imagine you live on a moon with only one other person of your liking. On that moon, just you and this other person with no ministers to marry you, no rules to follow, and no people to please other than yourselves, you live by your hearts. You follow what feels right inside. And there is no reason that, for two intelligent, moral people, it shouldn’t be that way here and now.
When I get married, in the official sense, I want a big wedding. I want as many people as possible to come and see the most beautiful creature ever forged by clay and stars and the very breath of god standing at that alter next to me proclaiming that she will hold me close to her until the very end of her days and beyond. But I could care less if anyone were to think poorly of me because I had sex with her, or was living with her, prior to our public announcement of that fact to the world. If someone DOES have a problem with it, I’ll personally make that announcement to them right then and there and they will understand completely. Each relationship should, amongst intelligent, moral people, dictate its own rules.
I guess I just tend to have a very spiritual way of looking at everything and I have a hard time seeing through the windows humans forge. I am not saying I am right. I am just saying it is right for me. And I’ll be more than happy to tell you why.
The answer “it’s not right” doesn’t sit too well in my stomach. Neither does “it is right”. For instance, why I am I chivalrous? Because it is right? No! Because any woman that I would choose to show my affection for deserves that admiration that comes with chivalry. She would deserve to be treated with respect and honor. Partly because she is a good human being and also because she will have earned such respect through loyalty, faith, and respect in return.
I give respect where respect is due and I honor myself, and my loved ones above all else because those are the things that are sacred to me. That is not to say that I have never dishonored myself or a loved one. I make mistakes. I act out in rage or passion. I am human. But I hold myself accountable for those actions I commit. I learn from my mistakes and I better myself.
I believe the PERFECT relationship is one where I am wrapped around her finger and she around mine. We both know it and we both take advantage of it. And we both try not to. Of those persons interested in a future with me, I only ask that, in time, she would strive to be her best and I would strive to be mine. And more importantly, strive to be the best that WE can be. Together we will be something much greater than this world ever dreamed it could hold.
I am a romantic by design, and of the hopeless variety most of the time. I don’t expect this overnight. Respect is earned in levels and I will wait my time. And in that respect for myself, and for her, I do not allow those around me to dictate my actions, or stand in the way of what we have.
As I have said, I don’t hold my beliefs to be true or right for everyone, but they make sense to me. And I challenge you all to be who you are. Be who you feel. Be what you are inside. Let your friends (or those that remain your friends) choose to support that.
I am not ashamed of my actions and my friends respect that. Those that don’t are not my friends for long.
