I have spent the majority of the day attempting to use archive.org to view my website/journal as it was during times before now. I couldn't, however, remember the URL that I used then, and therefore couldn't search for it. So, I cracked open my mail archives in search for it.
I eventually found it, and archive.org, unfortunately, had never archived my site, so I was out of luck. More interesting however, was the trip I took through my past by re-reading so much old email.
I revisited the beginning, duration, and, worst of all, the end of my relationship with Melissa:
I didn't like the fact that you felt that because we were together in a
semi-sexual manner that I owed you something, or that the fact that you
went down on me made you some kind of gift to mankind. You should give
because you want to, and expect nothing more than gratitude in return. I
have never bought anyone dinner because I expected them to buy me dinner
in return. Nor has anyone ever bought me dinner without getting at least a
thank you. That is only polite and shows respect. Normally if I take
someone out, or spend money on someone and I don't get a thank you, I
don't ever do it again. And yet not even on DAY ONE did you thank me for
buying your food and movie tickets.– Me, September 10th, 1999
I re-lived the very moment I read the first words Jaclyn ever wrote to me:
semi-sane mind here. though dressed in garbs of sarcasm and rapier wit, your words struck me with an amused smile, so here i am. you've got a fish on the line.
– Jaclyn, March 13th, 2000
I went over my short lived interest in Kristen:
regarding elvis, if you dressed up like him and made your hair like
elvis, i swear to god i'd be all yours :) even though you smoke like a chimney ;)– Kristen, November 17th, 1998
I went through one of my many "re-connections" with Jennifer in Ohio:
I can't believe I actually married him though… It just seemed like the most appropiate thing to do (or should I say convenient)… He's not all that bad we do have a lot of fun together it's just that he has a horrible temper and I hate it… Little things set him off…
– Jennifer, November 24th, 1998
All of these days. All of these times. More moments than I can even recall. Bytes and bytes of information, of connections, of happiness, and sadness, and hurt, and pain, and love, and loss.
Last night, over coffee, several people were slightly poking fun at me for saving every chat conversation I have ever had. This is why I do it.
