January, 2002:

I am very tired. The work is still not done. My legs hurt, my eyes hurt, and my feet hurt. I am going to rest for a few hours (give the tape time to spool some more data off) and then get back to work.

I miss Sarah.

Mike and Rachel are meeting me for dinner. They are my saviors.

In other news, I am getting about a 55% compression ratio. This is good as it increases the possibility of me fitting 30GB of data into about 16GB of space.

Watching a backup tape unspool onto disk and moving chunks of data from one box to another every now and then as it spools off is not fun. Especially when you are staving, and doing it alone.

Today has not been a good day at all.

About three years ago, at my place of employment, another department managed a system that we’ll call SHIT. SHIT ran on a mainframe and was very old. On top of this, it cost a lot of money to keep up and most of the functionality of it had been replaced by newer systems. The group responsible for SHIT decided they were going to shut it down. The provisioners I support crapped their pants, believing this to be an essential tool to complete their daily work. It was decided, then, that my team would come up with a replacement for it. The old system maintainers dumped me pipe-delimited files of all the data which totalled around 25GB. I was also given an old HP LH Pro (200 Mhz Pentium Pro with about 30GB of storage space and 128MB RAM) running NT 4.0. At this point, using Linux for anything other than a personal workstation was unheard of and unacceptable.

I began loading the data into the MSSQL server on that box. The server was slow, and it was taking ages just to LOAD the data. Early tests of portions of the loaded data showed that data access time would be very slow. My team decided to switch to a Digital Unix/Informix based server that we were already using for other purposes. We really didn’t have the disk space to spare, and of course we were working with no money to buy anything… but we didn’t see much of a choice. My initial loading into Informix proved to be faster than MSSQL, but still taking way too long. Additionally, data access proved to be too slow to support the number of users we expected. But, we were going to have to live with it. The team started developing the Perl scripts to allow access to the data, as the database loading continued in the background.

I then got a bright idea the day before deployment. I installed Linux on the LH Pro without informing anyone of what I was doing. In a single night, I had all the data loaded into MySQL and my initial tests showed that data access speed was well within acceptable limits. I copied the Perl scripts over, and with a few modifications, everything was up and running.

The next day, the users began flooding in and the system held up. No one knew it was running Linux except me and the other developers. SHIT was running better and faster than it ever had. After a few weeks, I told my boss what I had done. He was skeptical at first, but the fact that it was working without problems convinced him to let it stay that way.

The system chugged along for 2 years without any more than an hour of maintenance (cleaning log files, etc). Then a disk went bad. I replaced the (very expensive and hard to find LH Pro hot swappable) disk, restored the data from backup tape and life went on.

Yesterday, the same disk died again, and it was decided that, instead of trying to find another disk for this old system, it would be easier to just bring up a new box with new disks and new hardware.

After three years of dedicated service, Speedy was put to rest last night at approximately 4:45pm CST. His dedication, charm, and ambition will be remembered most. He was a Linux pioneer, and a good friend. Private services will be held this morning at 10:00am. His replacement should be online by 8:00am tomorrow morning.

I had a good time this weekend. Sarah came over Friday night and we watched Midsummer Night’s Dream. I dozed off just before the big play at the end. I was pretty tired having got up early for work that morning, and then having cleaned all afternoon/evening instead of taking a nap like I should have.

Saturday I washed my truck (except for the markings put on it when it was towed, which the non-english-speaking car wash employees refused to even attempt to remove). Then, I went to Sarah’s around 1:30pm to find that she was washing her car as well. I helped her wash windows and vacuum, and then we took it to the place where you pump quarters into the wall and wash the car yourself. I taught Sarah about car washing and how it doesn’t really do a whole lot of good unless you use the scrubbing brush, as was made evident by the dirt on our towels when we dried it. Then we went back to her place and hung out until it was time to leave for Stars on Ice.

We took the Dallas Metro Rail from Mockingbird to the West End. Having never been on the rail before, I thought it would be fun. One thing I decided is this: Dallas’ rail system is NOT made for commuting. Not only is the ticketing process a hassle, but the cars aren’t big enough, long enough, or frequent enough to carry lots of people. Additionally, they have to stop and wait for cars to pass, like a bus does, which defeats the purpose in my eyes.

We ate at Joe’s Crab Shack and then when to the American Airlines center for the show. The show was really good. I didn’t know it before then, but I had seen much of it watching figure skating on TV, but it was still a lot of fun to be there to see it all. Sarah asked me to bring my camera to take pictures. Even though we had great seats, they really aren’t suited to photography, and my lack of a tripod that evening meant I couldn’t use a long lens to get closer. Additionally, the lighting wasn’t well suited to the situation, so I was stuck taking 6 or 7 pictures for every ONE that I wanted, and hoping at least one of them came out. Sarah would smack my shoulder every time someone came out that I should photograph, and I tried my best to keep up, but out of the six rolls I spent, I think I’ll be lucky if I got even ten good shots.

Sarah’s brother, Chris, is a lot of fun. He was quiet, but when he did speak, he had something funny or interesting to say. I like people like that: people who are a bit reserved with themselves, and don’t feel like they have to put on a comedy act every time they open their mouths.

After the show we went back to Sarah’s and hung out for a while. I cut out around 12:30am though. I wasn’t really tired, but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. I had considered calling Justin on my way home, to see if he wanted to hang out, but then decided to just go home.

Sunday I was pretty bored. I made a big breakfast, and watched staticy TV with an old pair of rabbit ears, still having no cable TV or internet access. When I got bored enough, I called Justin and went over to his place. Then he and Bonnie and I went to Half-Price books. I bought a new paper journal and we chit-chatted for a while and then went to Red Hot and Blue with Joel and Emily for dinner. We had a scratch off coupon that refunded an unknown percentage of our bill after we were ready to pay. We ended up getting 100%, which was very cool. I don’t know why, but I was VERY thirsty that night. I ended up drinking 1.25 of the HUGE glasses of coke they give you, and half of a HUGE glass of water. Then we went back to Joel’s and watched The Simpson’s, amongst other shows. I went home at about 10:30pm and started getting ready for bed.

I wrote this in my paper journal last night:

I remember holding you like it was yesterday. I remember your back arched over my chest, your breath stuttered, your skin tight, and your legs wide. I remember the awe of my body and mind, pouring out like ink from a fountain pen. I remember your every breath, and every twitch. I remember every word you spoke. I remember the heat of your skin, and the scent of you, still on my hands the next day.

I wish it were always that way. The closeness. The openness. The freedom. But when days and nights like that came to a close, we could only hold them fresh in our minds and close to our hearts, unknowing when another time like that would dare to come again.

I missed you when we couldn’t be together. And I missed you even more when we shared unopen seconds. And I miss you still.

I also wrote:

Even if these very words were to be made public, they would likely be re-read and edited before publication. It is unfortunate, I imagine, that they will never be read in this form, or in this medium.

Everyone is merely an edited version of themselves. The world, myself included, is afraid of the ridicule that some people will express when confronted with open thoughts and the occasional illegible or misspelled word.

And, of course, those words have been edited. Maybe the feelings have been turned down some, so as not to shock the children. Or maybe an event has been relocated in time, so that it doesn’t hurt so much to think about it.

I’m leaving from work now and thought I was would send this as a reminder to you all:

I have no Internet access at home. I may not have Internet access all weekend. Therefore, if you need to speak to me, or want to hang out, or even just want to say “hi” and expect me to hear it sometime before Monday at 10am… then please either call me on my cell phone, or text page me.

Do not count on me reading my email, or reading LiveJournal, or being in IRC, or on any of the various Instant Messaging clients.

Uhhh.. They found the Former Enron Vice-Chairman J. Clifford Baxter dead in his own car with a supposedly self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. I wonder if he killed himself believing he would be punished and unwilling to bear it, or if he were unable to bear the guilt of his actions after committing them. Or perhaps he did nothing wrong, and killed himself for fear of what MIGHT happen to him anyway. Or maybe he didn’t kill himself at all. Maybe he was killed off, because someone else was afraid he would talk.

The odd thing is, amongst all the dreams I had last night, one of them was about Enron and a mass suicide that occurred amongst the top executives. I figured it was spawned by me giving Jaclyn a “state of Enron” address earlier.

• Friday
  
  • 4:00pm – get off work
    
  • 4:30pm – get to Joel’s to help with Amp install
    
  • 6:00pm – leave Joel’s
    
  • 6:15pm – purchase some groceries and a small dog
    
  • 6:30pm – rent MSND
    
  • 6:45pm – clean apartment and do laundry
    
  • 8:45pm – take shower
    
  • 9:00pm – get ready
    
  • 9:15pm – wait for Sarah
    
  • 9:30pm – go to dinner with sarah
    
  • 11:00pm – watch MSND
    
  
  
• Saturday
  
  • 1:00am – chat with Sarah
    
  • 2:00am – send Sarah home
    
  • 2:30am – go to bed
    
  • 8:00am – get up
    
  • 9:00am – actually get up
    
  • 9:05am – make coffee
    
  • 10:00am – take shower
    
  • 10:30am – get ready
    
  • 11:00am – leave house
    
  • 11:15am – eat lunch
    
  • 11:45am – leave for Sarah’s
    
  • 12:00pm – get to Sarah’s
    
  • 4:00pm – go to Joe’s Crab Shack with Sarah et al
    
  • 7:30pm – Stars on Ice with Sarah et al
    
  
  
• Sunday
  
  • 12:00am? – Go home?
    
  • 1:00am? – Sleep?
    
  • 8:00am – get up
    
  • 9:00am – actually get up
    
  • 9:05am – make coffee
    
  • 10:00am – take shower
    
  • 10:30am – get ready
    
  • 11:00am? – ?
    
  • 6:00? – dinner at RH&B
    
  • 7:30? – ?
    
  
  

(items with question marks are tentative or undetermined)

Sn0w Daddy and I are going to Cafe Brazier (a, rather upscale, gentlemen’s club that has recently been added on to Cafe Brazil in Richardson in order to boost sales) for lunch. Then we will proceed to a Nissan dealership to test drive a Maxima. I’m not quite sure why, but I very rarely turn down the option to test drive a vehicle.