February 13th, 2002:

I think some explanation is in order.

I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. Not at all. I like Valentine’s Day. I like Christmas. I like Easter. I like birthdays. I have had some VERY good Valentine’s Days in my life.

What I do hate is being REQUIRED to do anything that I don’t want to do. And… chances are, if I am REQUIRED to do it, I don’t want to do it, simply because I am REQUIRED to do so.

Let me clarify. When statements like “my boyfriend is RESPONSIBLE for making Valentine’s Day a good day for me” are made, I get very upset. Why aren’t YOU responsible for making Valentine’s Day a good day for him? If for some reason, regardless of WHAT that reason is, your boyfriend fails to make you dinner, buy you flowers and presents, and provide for you the day you have worked out in your head, why does that make him a bad boyfriend? And why does that give you good reason to be upset with him?

I love surprising people with gifts. I love buying things for people that I care about. I love watching them smile because I did something caring and thoughtful for them. I love knowing that somehow, something I did made them happy.

I have had some VERY good Valentine’s Days. Ones where nothing was required of me. I have given gifts on Valentine’s Day (or very close to it, if it was impossible otherwise), because, as I have said before, I enjoy making people happy. However, when I am seeing someone that feels that Valentine’s Day is a day in which I am SUPPOSED to honor her, and sprinkle her with gifts and love, because I am REQUIRED to want to do so… I get very frustrated.

So. In conclusion. I like Valentine’s Day. I like having a special day for celebrating love, and friendship, and all the wonderful things that come with it. I HATE the REQUIREMENTS that are placed on me to fulfil the wants and needs of my partner, regardless of how much I have given in the past, how much I will give in the future, how capable I am of giving, or how much I actually want to give.

(Disclaimer: Again, this has nothing to do with Sarah specifically. I have never spent Valentine’s Day with Sarah. I have never spoken to Sarah about Valentine’s Day. In fact, this is the first gift-giving holiday to occur since we have started dating. My initial post this morning came PRIOR to her post about Valentine’s day, and I wasn’t smart enough to go back to this day in her journal last year to see what she thought of it until she suggested doing so in her journal. I am making GENERAL statements here that have to do with my interpretation of the women I have met over the course of my life. Additionally, I am not saying that EVERY woman I have ever been with acted in the negative fashion I portray above. In fact, I have had many VERY good Valentine’s Days with very loving and caring partners.)

I don’t mean to put any pressure on anyone, but, to the people/person who are/is responsible for making tomorrow a good day for me: I would like dinner, flowers, chocolate, presents, and some sex. Additionally, I would like this to happen between the hours of 7pm and 11pm, as I have to work tomorrow and the next day. Please make sure the dinner is good and keep in mind that we can’t go out to eat, as every restaurant in this metroplex will have lines out the door. It might also help you to know that I have had very bad luck with Valentine’s Days in the past. Therefore, not only are you responsible for making tomorrow a good day for me, but you’re also responsible for making up for all the bad Valentine’s Days I have had.

Thank you, and good luck.

(Disclaimer: I’m not digging at Sarah with this, please don’t think I am. I am trying to be funny, outrageous, and yet make a serious point, all at the same time. While portions of this are based on things Sarah said in regard to Valentine’s day, I am not, in any way, stating that she is a bad person, or that there is something wrong with her for doing so. In fact, I am stating just the opposite. The above statement, with slight modifications based on gender and actual desires, could have come out of the mouth of almost ANYONE. In fact, if I actually cared about whether or not my partner observed various gift giving holidays, and I was required to state exactly what I wanted with no concern for my partner or her ability to accomplish such a high request, the above is pretty close to exactly what I would ask for.)

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I should start making agreements with the people I date. They get to choose between two options:

1) I act like almost every other man on this planet. I ignore you most of the year except when you are offering sex. I buy you gifts ONLY on the recommended gift giving days, however, I only do so if you participate in those days as well (i.e. presents at Christmas, cook a big fat dinner at Thanksgiving, sex on Valentine’s day, sex and presents on my birthday, etc).

2) I act like me. I buy you presents when I want to. I show you affection when I want to. I do so because I care for you, and not because I expect anything in return. However, I am not REQUIRED, in any way, to participate in pre-determined gift giving days.

There is a scam that has begun circling the Internet, postal mail, televsion ads, newspaper ads, and the radios recently. This isn’t the first time it has plagued America and the world as a whole. Now is the time to stop it dead in its tracks and the best way to do that is to be informed.

This scam is directed at men and women both, with different approaches for each. It has evolved over the many years it has been in circulation to be very potent and direct. It uses the needs and desires of both genders to convince them both into buying into it. Affectionately named “Valentine’s Day” by its supporters, it is designed with one goal in mind: to trick men (and sometimes women) into spending money.

This scam takes on many shapes and forms, but there is a common pattern that applies. It begins by invoking feelings of love, and warmth in women. It does this through agitprop consiting of images of loving relationships: holding hands, kissing, having a picnic in the park, and candlelight dinners. One easy way to determine if you are being subjected to Valentine’s Day propaganda is by the overall message of the advertisement. If, in the end, the advertisement suggests that a man should BUY you something on a specific date in order to show you that he loves you or that he cares for you, there is a high chance that you are watching the work of a scam artist.

In order to overcome this, it is important that our women understand that, regardless of what a man purchases you, it doesn’t mean that he loves you any more, and that he cares for you any deeper. When this scam operates as intended, women will see an elevated level of affection from the men in their life, however, this will not last for more than a week, and not more than a day in most cases.

Secondly, it effects men by convincing them that, in exchange for a gift on this particular day, women will be inclined to offer them the sex. And not just any sex, but sex bordering on the best they have ever had. Studies have shown that less than 5% of women provide additional sex on a continual basis after this day, regardless of the expense of the gift being given. While it is true that more women feel inclined to provide sex on this particular day due to the brainwashing effects of the propaganda in use, studies have been unable to show any link between the quality of that sex and the gift that is given.

In fact, studies show that the continual giving of smaller, less expensive gifts on days that are NOT Valentine’s Day, tend to stimulate more sex from female partners. In order to stop this scam dead in its tracks, men should abstain from Valentine’s Day gift giving entirely. It is important to note that, while the propaganda is still affecting the women of this world, choosing not to participate in such activities will have negative effects on those women. In order to avoid, or at least lessen, this effect, men should provide a continuous (I suggest weekly) stream of gifts for one month prior to Valentine’s Day, and for at least two months afterwards. However, it is important that men ensure that NO gift giving, in any form, occurs on Valentine’s Day.

While this article addresses Valentine’s Day in its most common operational fashion, it is possible, and highly likely, that this scam will manifest itself in ways this article does not describe. For instance, in some cases the genders that would usually be affected by this scam are reversed, where the man becomes the individual expecting a gift, and the woman becomes the individual who feels she has to purchase one. Additionaly, it can operate in its standard fashion, and its reversed fashion at the same time, resulting in a double whammy. With same sex relationships, it is very common that both members of the relationship will feel the pull from both sides of the scam.

As a man who enjoys gift giving more than most, my opnion on this matter should not be taken lightly. Act NOW, and help to stomp out Valentine’s Day.