revjim.net

DALLAS, TX– In an unprecedented move, Time issued its thirty most annoying minutes to one Dallas resident in rapid succession. Scholars, scientists and clock-makers world-wide are stunned.

Officials reported that these thirty minutes began on April 9th at 6:30am. Mr. Reverend Jim, a resident of Dallas, was nudged awake by his computer with the sounds of "Sandman" by America. He awoke, and reset his computer for 7:00am, attempting to acquire thirty minutes of additional sleep. Exactly two minutes later, a beeping was heard by the, now mostly asleep, Reverend. It took three minutes for him to realize what was making the sound before he arose from his bed to turn off the alert on his cellular phone in the living room. He then crawled back in bed.

Three minutes later, as he was just about to fall asleep, another beeping was heard from the living room. After spending three more minutes deciding where this noise was coming from, the Reverend once again arose from his bed and stumbled into the living room to retrieve his cellular phone, its batteries dying. After plugging it in, he returned to his bed. Four minutes after he settled in, his alarm clock began ringing, reading "6:45am". He turned it off, and rolled back over to sleep.

After only two minutes, the Reverend's cat, Umlaut, decided to jump on his chest and ask for attention. Three minutes went by before the Reverend tossed the cat across the room and tried, once again, to sleep. Two minutes after this, his phone began beeping again. It took two minutes for him to realize his phone was alerting him. He arose from bed to find that his friend Jaclyn, an Irving resident, wished to speak with him. He conversed with her for four minutes. Two minutes later, his computer began playing "Sandman" by America, letting him know it was now 7:00am, and thus ending the thirty most annoying minutes ever issued by Time.

"While I feel bad for the Reverend," his neighbor, Jackie Paper, stated, "I'm grateful that it wasn't me. That's thirty annoying minutes that I wont ever have to deal with."

Scientists are still attempting to discover what the Reverend could have possibly done to upset Time enough to do this, and whether or not Time's attack is over.