April 17th, 2002:

I’m getting lunch. Now. At 2:30pm. Because I feel like it.

(man… I am CRANKY today. I’m not really sure why. Lack of sex, perhaps? Or the final realization that CSS is bullshit? I’ll just blame it on Joel and his coffee pot neglect.)

I forget who it is on my friends list, I used to know, that has this as their user agent, but it cracks me up:

Otherzilla/5.0 (Browser statistics are meaningless, moron.)

It took me about 15-20 minutes to get this all worked out. It works in every browser. All of them. All of the ones that matter, anyway.

Netscape 4.x: check.
Mozilla 0.9.9: check.
IE 4: check.
IE 5: check.
IE 6: check.
Opera 6: check.
Netscape 6.x: check.

Some HTML. Some CSS. Some duct tape. Some Voodoo. I don’t care anymore.

Eat me.

Fuck the W3C. Fuck Microsoft. Fuck Mozilla. Fuck Netscape. Fuck Opera. Fuck A List Apart. Fuck Jeffrey Zeldman. Fuck Glish. Fuck it all.

Here’s why: So I decide to say screw CSS, and use nothing but straight-up, good, old-fashioned, HTML tables. You know, the way we used to do it on the punch cards. But I decide, just to be nice, that I’ll add valid DOCTYPEs to all my pages stating that I am using HTML 4.01 Transitional. That way, even though I’m not using the latest standards, I’m still complying, and all my code will be valid.

No. Fuck that. Mozilla looks at my DOCTYPE and decides that means it should run in STRICT mode which means that all my tables get pretty little padding on all the edges that just wont go away regardless of what attribute I stick where, or what CSS property I enable. Take off the DOCTYPE — looks great. Put it back on — looks like shit.

So. Fuck standards. Fuck compliance. Fuck it all.

I’m doing what works. I’m going to add another giant piece of duct tape to the web.

And, the next time the lynch mob comes after me telling me I’m not using web standards, that my HTML isn’t valid, and that my dick is too small, I’m going to flip them the bird, take another sip of my latte, and watch them scurry to make their code work on the latest browser or support the latest standard.

And just so you know. It’s not that I can’t make it work. I can. I have. I just refuse to do it again. I would rather be a part of the problem then conform to broken bullshit any more. If you don’t like that, then fix the bullshit so it’s not broken, and I’ll use it.

Another snippet from a conversation I had with Jaclyn this morning:

Jaclyn: Okay, I’m going to go have some Captain Crunch now.

[... more conversation proceeds ...]

Me: Okay, go have your Crunch Berries.

Jaclyn: No. Not Crunch Berries, just Crunch.

Me: No Berries?

Jaclyn: No.

Me: That’s probably a good idea. Otherwise they’d be scattered all over your apartment like your last one.

Jaclyn: No they wouldn’t. I have a dog now. That’s why I got him.

I cannot make coffee this morning because the person (who will remain nameless) that borrowed my coffee pot is under the impression that it is up to the owner of an object to retrieve that object when it has been borrowed.

I’m going to Fry Street Fair this weekend. If everything goes as planned, I am going to get there around 11am or 12pm and leave right around 4pm. Then, at 6pm, I’ll be at the Bronco Bowl for the SausageFest, and then at 6:30pm or 7:00pm the Tenacious D show should open it’s doors.

There are a lot of people going to the Fair that I hope I’ll have enough time to arrange to hang out with. Joel, Emily and Justin are all coming to see the “D”. It should be a VERY packed Saturday.

Tonight is my appointment with Emily for her photo project. I’m excited to see what she will be doing.

I have been asked to photograph FOUR weddings this spring — all for family and friends. Ugh. I don’t even have the right equipment to do weddings. I tell them that, and they don’t care. Heh.

I’ve been informed that revjim.net doesn’t look right in IE now, so I’ve got some work to do there. I may take some good advice (Thanks, Beth) and just say “Fuck the CSS” and redo it with a frames/tables based layout. I hate to do it, but I am getting REALLY sick of it taking me well over THREE hours worth of work to design a page that, in the frames/tables world, I could do in about 15 minutes. And, all this work is just for a stupid “coming soon” splash page.

I gotta get in the shower so I can hurry up and leave and get some coffee. The longer I wait, the crankier I get.