Having been married for almost a week now, I am officially an expert on the subject. Well, okay, maybe not. But I do have a few things to offer those of you that haven't taken this step in life yet.
A lot of people ask, "How's married life?" or "How does it feel to be married?". Besides feeling this ring around my finger, the idea that my girlfriend now has a new name (her last name) and a new title (wife), it feels exactly the same. I now have one more thing in common with my father (and that list seems to grow daily as I get older and older) and one less thing in common with many of my friends. However, marriage itself didn't really change anything. Marriage, or rather, the act of marriage on your wedding day, really amounts to a great big party in celebration of a choice you made in your heart long, long before. At least, that's the way it should work in today's American society (and most likely in all of the western world).
Last Saturday, while it was the first time most of the people crammed into that tiny court house heard me publically commit myself and my life to my wife, it didn't actually happen right then. Rather, it happened over the course of time. Slowly and effortlessly, piece by piece, every part of me, my mind, and my life became committed to her. And then one day I realized that and asked her to marry me. And then a little while later, we invited all of our friends to join us in that realization.
If I had lived a thousand or two years ago, I think marriage would have been much different. In today's society, most people live together, have sex with each other, and share major portions of their lives together well before they are married. So the actual act of marriage doesn't constitute much change in our lives. In earlier times, a man lived with his family and a woman lived with hers almost until the day they were married. And, when the man asked for the woman's hand in marriage (provided the families approved) a house, and a field, and some cattle would be prepared for them, a great feast would be had in celebration and, that night, the two would sleep under the same roof together and consummate their marriage. But things don't really work that way any more. For some people — those that follow the decrees of their faith as set forth by men who lived ages before they did — they do, but not for a large percentage of us, and certainly not for me.
There is one important thing to realize about marriage, that I didn't even see until the final days. Marriage is not about love or sex or money or children or good looks. Sure, these things are all elements of marriage, but it's not what marriage is all about. If you don't believe me, look at your mother, or better yet your grandmother. Regardless of how great they look for their age, they certainly don't look as good as they did at 18. Marriage surpasses that. If your wife loses all four limbs, gains 200 pounds, loses 200 pounds, goes deaf in both ears, or loses all her teeth, you still stick by her. Regardless of how attractive she is, or how attractive she will be, you're there, with her. If she loses her job you stand by her. If she can't bare children, you stay by her side. If she loses her sex drive, you still sleep beside her every night. That's marriage.
Consider for one second all of the arranged marriages that take place in this world. Two people, having barely met, let alone had the time and the intimacy together to determine if they love one another, become committed to each other and start a life together in an instant. And yet, somehow, this custom prevails. Why? Because it works.
Marriage is about commitment. It's about two people teaming up to take over the world. It's knowing that, regardless of how dumb, or fat, or ugly, or broke, or drunk you get, she will support you. She'll praise you in public, and counsel you in private. She'll help you stand during the hardest times, and laugh with you when it's all over. Her commitment to you is a constant. It isn't something you have to question, or consider, or maintain. And as long as that commitment is equal on both sides, as it should be in marriage, it works.
I'm not saying it doesn't matter who you marry, because it certainly does. Loving each other, being attracted to one another, understanding each other, and enjoying each other's company are all things that foster the commitment that a marriage entails. And without those things, marriage can be much more challenging.
Jess and I know we've made the right choice. If we didn't, we wouldn't have gone through with it. Our love, understanding and acceptance of each other has forged a bond between us and, through our commitment to each other, that bond will be everlasting.
There's only one thing left that I want to make perfectly clear. Jess and I did not get married because of Immigration. We got married because we couldn't imagine spending the rest of our lives with anyone else. We got married quickly because of Immigration. Please understand that.
