September, 2003:

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behind these walls

Prosper, TX

Nikon D100

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a pile of me

Prosper, TX

Nikon D100

Yesterday, I took the truck to Midas to have the catalytic converter checked. I was thinking it might be cloged causing reduced engine power and a little of that “stinky car” smell. My thoughts were wrong. They used some sort of laser guided thermometer to determine that it was functioning perfectly fine. However, according to them, it’s running VERY hot. Not that the engine is too hot, but that the air leaving the engine is too hot. The temperature at the tailpipe was around 270°F. Apparently, is supposed to be from 100 – 150°F. The believe that it may be due to my air/fuel mixture being too rich (i.e. too much gas).

Aside from black smoke (which I don’t have) and “stinky car” smell, which there are light traces of when I really put my foot into it, I don’t know what the symptoms of a rich air/fuel mixture are, and I can’t seem to find anything too useful on the web. So does anyone know? What are other symptoms of a rich air/fuel mixture and what are possible causes? In my very limited knowledge of cars, I would guess either a stuck thermostat, leaking fuel injectors, a faulty mass airflow sensor, or a leak in the intake somewhere after the mass airflow sensor might cause it, if it is indeed the problem. But I’m not too sure.

What really gets me is, if I’m running rich I’m wasting gas, right? Well, yesterday I filled up again, did the math, and approxmated getting about 17mpg. That’s REALLY good for this vehicle at this age with my driving pattern. And it’s running rich? Hmmm.

I only want ONE thing for Christmas this year. So please, all of you pitch in and make sure I get it. [via Belladonna]

Jess and I got a letter today from our health care provider in relation to the trouble we’re having with them paying a claim. It reads as follows (emphasis mine, portions in brackets (“[" and "]“) removed to protect the innocent):

INFORMATIONAL COPY ONLY. ORIGINAL LETTER ADDRESSES TO: [Laboratory Billing Us]

DEAR BILLING DEPARTMENT:

WE ARE RESPONDING TO YOUR 9/15/2003 INQUIRY ASKING ABOUT OUR PROCESSING OF THE CLAIM FOR SERVICES PROVIDED TO JESSICA ON 06/30/03.

WE REVIEWED ALL THE INFORMATION AVAILABLE AND DETERMINED THAT THE ORIGINAL BENEFIT WAS PROCESSED CORRECTLY. PLEASE REFER TO THE REASON(S) LISTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS LETTER. AS A RESULT NO ADDITIONAL BENEFITS ARE PAYABLE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS, PLEASE CALL ONE OF OUR CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTITIVES AT [Phone Number].

SINCERELY,

DEPARTMENT NAME GOES HERE

THIS CLAIM WAS PROCESSED ACCORDING TO THE PATIENT’S BENEFIT PLAN.

First of all, the billing department didn’t ask for a review of the claim, I did. Secondly, it mentions the “reason(s) listed below”, but there aren’t any. Finally, I guess we aren’t important enough to even warrant a proof read of the letter the canned letter they sent because they didn’t even bother to replace “DEPARTMENT NAME GOES HERE” with the actual department name.

So, after all that, we still have no information on why services that they claim should NOT be covered until a deductible is met were covered, in part. We also have no information on WHY they require a deductible when their website clearly states my deductible as being $0 when services are rendered “In-Network”. So, I guess I’ll be calling them again on Monday to ask the exact same questions I asked last time to prompt this response from them.

Life doesn’t move like it used to. There are times when I realize that, as every second passes, I am failing. Knowing this slows everything down — makes every step one of caution. Sometimes I make these realizations in my own time, at my own pace. But other times, they come to me force-fed. Through the words or actions of someone else. That’s how they’ve come this time.

I read someone else’s words. Words that I forgot existed. I read every one of them… letter for letter. Over an hour passed and I didn’t even notice my own breath. In those moments, I became you. I knew how you lived, where you went, what upset you, who you fucked, and how much you liked it. In those moments, life moved again. As transparently as it started, it stopped. I was me again. I was a failure again.

It eats at me — pulls at the very thread of what makes me who I am. It isn’t because of how my failure affects me. I can live with my own misfortunes, especially when I am the cause of them. But I can’t accept how they affect others — those more important than myself. When there’s a problem… I fix it, goddamn it, because that’s what I do. But I can’t fix this. I’ve tried. And tried. And tried. And I don’t even know how to try.

Sometimes I consider talking about it… to anyone who will listen, really. But it doesn’t matter. I cough up one hair-ball someone cleans it up and then life’s supposed to be peachy. Well it doesn’t work that way this time. It doesn’t just clean up and go away. It’s still there… it’s still haunting… it’s still robbing me of life.

But I analyze. Fuck do I analyze — daily… even hourly, sometimes. For the first time, analysis leads no where. I can’t think this through. I can’t solve it with logic. I can’t force a response from myself. I can’t create a solution. I can’t repair synapses that don’t even seem to exist any more.

There have been times — fleeting moments, wonderful nights, minutes of perfection — where everything was right and good. I analyze them, too, over and over with each repetition a bit more hazy like a worn video tape. The answers don’t come.

I consider the possibility that it isn’t me. I consider the idea that it isn’t my problem. I consider the slim chance that it’s something else: my circumstances or my surroundings or my childhood or, possibly just maybe, those that it affects most. But I’m quick to rule it out. I don’t want to point fingers when I have no evidence. I don’t want to create a scapegoat just to ease my mind. That’s not my nature — that’s now how I work. If I could say, with certainty, “This is the problem and once that is fixed my failure will dissolve” I would. I’d say it, deal with it, help fix it, move on and be happy.

I’ve found the root of this problem a thousand times so far. Maybe. You see, finding the root of a problem is only a fraction of the solution. Fixing it is the harder part. And when the cause is so general, or so abstract, the only thing I can do is dig further… find the cause of the cause. If you follow that road far enough, and believe me I have, you come to a field. A giant field. A field so large that you can’t see any of the other roads that might connect to it and you have only two choices: follow it’s edge and take the next road you see, or turn around and walk all the way back. It doesn’t matter which one you choose. It always leads back here… to failure.

For a moment, I was you. I lived your life. I raised your child. I worked your job. I played with your friends. I wrote your poems. I fucked your lover. I bled your blood. I promised your promises. I held my child as she slept in my arms. I made love in someone else’s apartment. I recalled my drug ridden school life. For a moment I lived and didn’t feel failure. But now, I’m just back to being me.

(And now, I realize even more why I need some place else to put this stuff.)

Smarty 2.6.0-RC1 has been released. Get it!

This was released a while ago, I just didn’t realize it.

Jess and I recently started a new automobile insurance policy with a new company. We were with Progressive. However, we were paying $1,300 / 6mo for two people with one car. I called them and told them that my rate should be going down since I turned 25 and that my renewal premimum didn’t reflect this decrease. The customer service rep checked my account and said that the $1,300 premimum DID reflect my age. So I asked them not to renew my policy.

I called State Farm and a very nice agent told me that she could insure me for $550 / 6mo. I was VERY happy. However, over the next few days, I would learn that that was just a lie. She couldn’t get me that rate because of my credit, so had to bump me up to $780 / 6mo. However, when she learned that I would only be insuring one car at first (I told her I wanted info for two because I was thinking about buying a Jeep) that she had to remove the multiple car discount, which brought it to $880 / 6mo. I was still okay with that. Then she called me to tell me that she just realized that because we only had one car, it would have to be marked as the commuter car, which brought us up to $1,069 / 6mo. I told her I’d talk it over with my wife, and started looking for something else.

Then I found another company. I got an online quote for $774 / 6mo. Then they checked my credit/driving record and raised it to $880. I was okay with that, and signed up happily. A few days later I got an email stating that they realized they checked my credit through another place and decided they could reduce my rate to $737 / 6mo. They REDUCED my rate!!!. Huh?

So today, I go online to add the new truck into the policy. I don’t need Collision/Comprehensive on it, so I knew it wouldn’t be a HUGE increase. However, I like 50/100/50 for liability limits, so I knew it wouldn’t be incredibly cheap either. After all the math was done, it worked out to $886 / 6mo. That’s two cars, two drivers, and one accident. And this is without sending in proof that the one accident on my record is a not-at-fault (since it shows up in everyone’s system as an at-fault). Additionally, this is without any driver education discounts or anything.

Needless to say, I’m very happy. We’ve got better coverage on more vehicles for a little more than half the price we had before.

Need automobile insurance? Give Esurance a shot.

Mr. Road Head, the Payne in everyone’s ass, the Biggest Piece of Shit ever has got to be the best “customer” in the world. I’ve yet to start billing those persons using the new server. I mean, they are paying, but I don’t really have a billing system setup to remind people that they owe money, or how much they owe or anything like that. But, for the second time now, without notice, mention, or even a hit, Rob PayPal’s me his monthly charges.

Thanks, Rob.

Jess and I are now the proud (hopefully) owners of a 1991 Toyota 4Runner SR5 V6 4WD.

I drove the 40 miles home with Jess following me in the Saturn. It drives well. Feels a lot like my old truck. The shocks are an upgrade from the factory shocks, and I like the stiffness of them. It handles corners well and doesn’t feel too top heavy. Bill, the previous owner, noted numerous times in his records that there is a slight…. difficulty… in shifting from 2nd to 3rd. I felt it too. At a stop, it shifts fine. But under load, it seems like the natural progression of the stick is to go back into 1st… but not quite. So it sort of hits a… notch… without a little to-the-right pressure to get it into third. It feels more like the shift from 4th to 5th than it does a shift from 2nd to 3rd. The air conditioner is a little weak. It feels like it’s cold enough, and makes all the noise like it would be blowing hard… but, not too much air actually comes out. It has bigger tires (31″) than the factory, and the perceived power takes a hit because of it. The same thing happened on my truck when I upgraded the tires to 31″. He gave me a goodie bag full of replacement parts that he had: belts, rings, wiper blades, oil filters, etc.

I was going to ask him if he wouldn’t mind only charging me $250 for the vehicle in exchange for $5000 as an expression of my gratitude. However, he filled out that paper when I was wasn’t looking and so I didn’t get a chance to say anything. However, he left the “amount” field blank. I’m not sure if he did it intentionally or not. He wore glasses for near-sightedness that made it difficult for him to read, so he had to peer over the top of his glasses to see the pages. Additionally, it’s easy to miss the fact that the owner is supposed to fill in that box. He left all of my parts blanks and signed it anyway saying I could fill them out later. Because I wasn’t sure if he did it intentionally as a sort of don’t-ask-don’t-tell kind of thing, or if he actually forgot, I didn’t mention it to him. So I’m not sure what to do. Should I write $250 in the box as I fill out my parts, or should I call him and ask him what he intended? When he filled out the Bill of Sale that I had brought, he wrote $5,250 in the allocated box. What do you think?