fan mail

Dear Clarence Brown:

In response to the following well punctuated and grammatically correct email you sent me:

you should not have used ATT to start with they contribute to abortion on demand. As a reverend you should know better.

I’d like to ask that you consider a few things.

First and foremost, just because I use the word Reverend in my name doesn’t mean that I’m using it in a context consistent with the only use of the word you know. In fact, it says very little about my beliefs, my intelligence, or my morals. Unless you believe it is safe for me to assume that you constantly wear brown clothing simply because your name contains that word.

Secondly, even if I were the type of Reverend that you assume I am, why does that mean that I would have a problem with abortion on demand? Perhaps I am a Reverend that happens to support such activities?

Even if I were to allow you the assumption that I am both the type of Reverend that you believe I am, and that I am a Reverend that holds the beliefs that you believe I hold, why should I know better? Is there some general knowledge about Reverends that states that, not only are they constantly aware of all current political and moral issues, but that they are also aware of all of the viewpoints of every major company in America for each of these issues? Have I been left in the dark here?

I have no idea which charities and organizations any of the major companies in America contribute to. I don’t even know which charities the company I work for contributes to. And to be honest, Reverend or not, I don’t really care. To make matters worse, even if I did care, I don’t have any clue what "Abortion on Demand" is. But, if I had to take a stab in the dark and guess, then I imagine I would fully support that cause.

Furthermore, you shouldn’t work for DART. They kill over 14 children every year due to recklessness. You should know better.

How is it that even when I talk about something as simple and clean-cut as "AT&T is screwing me over" some moron manages to land on this page and actually figure out how to either leave a comment or send an email so he or she can make some clueless statement that is assumptive, uneducated, poorly-written, and critical of my personal beliefs? Why do they even waste the 3 hours it most likely took them to find each of those letters on the keyboard? What do they expect to get out of it?

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