revjim.net

Here's a snippet of an email conversation (edited slightly) that started out innocent, and ended up delightfully dirty:

Her:

I was wanting to buy your wifey a nice bottle of hootch for her bday. Any suggestions on what she likes?

Jim:

Hmmmmm. I'm guessing "hootch" is a reference to either alcohol in general or a specific type of alcohol (based on the context in which it is being used). However, I wasn't sure so I decided to look it up on Urban Dictionary. These are the results (filtered to get rid of the stupid stuff):

1. A nasty smelly cunt.
2. girl whore that is known to like guzzling cum and other body fluids on a nightly basis.
3. Booze, usually homemade.

So… I guess urbandictionary isn't what it used to be. Just in case, I'll respond to all three:

1. I'm not really sure, but I'd guess pierced and either shaved or very trimmed.
2. Again, I'm not too sure, but we usually agree on which women are attractive so… blonde or redhead preferred. Brunette with green or blue eyes also a plus. Small to medium sized breasts. Nice ass. Casual dress. Cheerful personality.
3. She's not a big alcohol fan, and generally drinks either red wine or those bottled fruity drinks (mike's hard lemonade, smirnoff ice, etc). However, she did quite enjoy the raspberry margarita she had the other day. All in all, as long as it doesn't taste a lot like alcohol, she'll probably like it.

Her:

Yes, that was a reference to alcohol. Since in my dictionary. Hootch = alcohol, Cootch = smelly cunt, and Hootchie = whore. :) Just too many ootches out there.

1. Projecting much?
2. Casual dress??? Cheerful personality? How did that get in the description for a cum guzzler?
3. Ok, so maybe some *edited* and some *edited*. To be indulged in on separate occasions because I am not cleaning it up if she does them both in the same night.

Jim:

1. Well… you know… maybe a little. Actually… only about half. Pierced isn't really my thing.
2. Well… I figure if she were going to have a cum guzzler… she prefer one dressed casually and of cheerful disposition. As opposed to a cum guzzler dressed like a hootchie, with a nasty cootch, and all the personality of a pissed off bag of rocks.
3. Yeah. That sounds like it might be right up her alley. And, I seriously doubt she'll let herself get drunk enough to
   need any… cleaning… but… the mean, devilish side of me hopes that she does. :)

This party is going to be great!!