revjim.net

It's official. Jess and I have received our "1st Violation Letter" from our Home Owners Association manager.

It states:

bq. During a recent property inspection, the following violation was noted at your residence: *The grass and weeds in the flower beds.* The Savannah COmmunity Association kindly reminds you that Article 7 (Construction and Use Restrictions), specifically Article 7 section 7. It is the Community Associations preference that all yards be kept neat and clean.

This is quite amusing, first of all, on a grammatical level. One would think that these notices are most likely canned letters needing only the resident's name and address to be filled in. Yet, the above paragraph has been represented to you exactly as it was received. First, one should notice that the description of our violation is an incomplete sentence. It has a subject, but no verb or object. Secondly, while the letter mentions that Article 7, specifically Article 7 Section 7, reminds us of something, the sentence simply ends never stating what we are reminded of.

It gets even better when one reads Article 7 Section 7 of the CC&Rs:

bq. 7.7. APPEARANCE. Both the lot and the dwelling must be maintained in a manner so as not to be unsightly when viewed from the street or neighboring lots. The Architectural Reviewer is the arbitrator of acceptable appearance standards.

That's it. That's the complete text of Article 7 Section 7. Since Jess and I have not received any information regarding what "unsightly" is defined as, it's difficult for us to be in compliance with an unwritten rule. Furthermore, since an Architectural Reviewer has never contacted us to inform us of any trangressions in need of repair, it is impossible for us to be in "Violation" of anything stated in Article 7 Section 7.

What's even funnier is that our lawn hasn't grown more than an inch in the past month since it is getting colder and creating conditions unsuited to the growth of the particular variety of grass planted on our lawn.

Then, of course, the very best part is that, if one were to stand on the street in front of our house, and spin around in a circle, it is highly unlikely that anyone would deem our lot as unsightly when compared the the piles of trash, rock, broken fences, port-a-potties, and broken lumber that is present in 6 of the 10 surrounding lots.

Now that I look in my "flower beds" (we don't have any flowers, let alone flower beds) I can see a weed or two. And due to inadequate mulch coverage and a terrible breed of grass, the lawn does have a runner or two embedded in the edge of the mulch. While this is hardly anything to scream about considering the current state of our neck of the woods, the recent rain, and my neighbor who insits on watering her lawn 3 times a day for 30 minutes each causing swamp-like conditions for at least half of my yard, it doesn't look wonderful.

So, I'm undecided regarding whether I should write our Association Manager a letter myself informing him that I don't understand the complaint, see no violation to Article 7 Section 7, and have never been contacted by an Architectural Reviewer or if I should just go pull the damn weeds and let him win this time.

I hate to let him win. This guy is such a jerk. Jess and I call him "God", not out of reverence, but as a reflection of his own inflated ego.