revjim.net

I'm hell-bent on getting out of this 8to5 mess that I've gotten myself in. All the fun is gone. All of the accomplishment is lost. I am merely a cog in a giant, inefficient machine. I've got lots of plans. Lots of ways out. Lots of things I enjoy more than this. Lots of things I'm good at. But, it's in my nature to be cautious, especially now that I've got a wife, two car payments, and a house payment. I can't afford to just drop everything and try something new. I *have* to be cautious. But, cautious doesn't help get me where I want to be any faster.

Finally, after all of this hunting, I feel like I have found a cautious way out of this — and then Jess objects to spending the money required. I guess she's mostly right: I don't think we'll feel the expense right away but, if we don't see some return soon, we certainly will. But I feel like I am good enough and smart enough and determined enough to make it work — especially with her help. And, this route is very cautious. Even if we fail miserably… sure, there will be wasted money, and our belts will have to tighten for the next year or so, but, we don't go deeper in debt, and I don't have to run away from my current job to do it. I'd say that's a fairly good compromise.

That's okay, though. I've found another, much slower way that involves a lot more work and a lot more time to get where I want to be. But, the up side is that it doesn't cost anything but time. Jess doesn't really connect time and money. She doesn't feel that paying out some money to have the potential to make more of it is better than spending lots of time to have the potential to make a little of it which will eventually lead to the potential to make more. So instead of paying, say $100/wk and getting $200/hr for work that I find, I work 5-10 hours a week to, maybe, bring in $100 — at least at first. To make matters worse, in my eyes, I put a *very high value* on the 60 or so free hours I have each week outside of work and I'd drop $100 on a meal for two without flinching. So, for me, the priorities are all wrong.

Despite my resistance, there is some good in what Jess says. It's good to get back to the basics. It's good to sacrifice. It's good to take the harder road, sometimes. In the end, I'll learn more, grow more, and will be more stable when it actually takes off. It just takes so damn long and seems to futile at times.