On this day, July the 1st, in 1867, under the British North America Act, the Canadian Federal Government was created. Previously named Dominion Day, First of July, Confederation Day, and July the First, Canada Day, as it has been known since 1982, is a celebration of our great neighbor to the North, “one Dominion under the name of Canada”.
So get out of your housecoat (a bathrobe) and get in the line-up (that’s just a line) to offer a “Happy Canada Day!” to your favoUrite (when in doubt, add the U) Canadians today. Perhaps offer to share a Poutine (French Fries covered in cheese curds and brown gravy), or a bowl of Kraft Dinner (That’s Macaroni and Cheese) with them. Pull a toonie (a two dollar coin worth about $1.62 in United States currency) or two from Caisse Pop (a popular bank in Quebec), stop at the Gaz-Bar (that would be a Gas Station), put a few litres (that’s Liters, or about 0.26 gallons) in your tank, drive a few klicks (which just means a kilometer, or about 0.62 miles) and bring them their favoUrite chocolate bar (not a candy bar) or a pop (not a soda, or a Coke). If you’re real adventurous, bring a few timbits (a donut hole served by Tim Hortons, a popular donut and coffee shop) to pummel them with when they open the door. Then head to the Beer Store (that’s the actual name of the ONLY place you can buy beer in Ontario, run by the Ontario government), pick up a two-four (that would be a case in the States, which is 24 beers, not be confused with a case in Canada, which is only 12 beers), and work on that ole’ Molson muscle (beer belly) until your pissed drunk (which just means really, really, really drunk). Don’t be a suck (crybaby) because you know nothing about your neighboUrs to the north. Instead, pull on a Tuque (knitted wollen cap) sit next to your friend from the Great White North and find out about their country, from A to Zed (that would be Z).
*Happy Canada Day!*
(my spell checker _hated_ this post)