Party's still on: This Friday. Things should be bumping by 9pm, even if there's only five of us.
Sometimes hope comes from the strangest of places.
If I consider too much, the world crumbles underneath me. Sometimes it's easier to live without thought.
Despite the *fucking enormous* burden it would create if it were to happen, I often wonder if, in the end, losing my job might bring more good than bad. Despite how *ridiculously responsible* I am, I wonder if some day I might do something subconsciously to make that happen.
We lit a lot of fireworks on July 3rd and, amazingly, didn't get in trouble. And before the day turned into night the sun left with the most spectacular of sunsets and I didn't even bother to get my camera because you didn't deserve to see it. And that night I slept under the stars and the sounds of thousands of crickets and the heat of the earth washed over me and pressed into my chest and I found that if I lay still enough and breathe slow enough I could see infinity. And I awoke the next morning to the playful calls of hundreds of birds, and the deep greys and honest blues parted and I felt the heat of the sun on my face.
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." — T.S. Eliot
Sometimes, just breathing is enough and sometimes, it's more than I can handle.
As much as I miss her (and her, and her, and you) it's probably better this way: I leaned too hard on her and she made for a terrible crutch.
Please,
remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand
between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled
with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger
– Iron and Wine / The Trapeze Swinger
I've said this before yet I still feel compelled to say it again. I think that, perhaps, I let myself forget too easily and then, when I remember, it feels like revelation all over again. So, here it is: I don't need dishonesty in my life. And I don't need assholes in my life. And I certainly don't need any dishonest assholes. Fade away.
Yeah, sometimes I read more into somethings than I should but, most of the time it's right.
