revjim.net

Push came to shove last night. I tossed and turned all night weighing my options. I almost didn't go to work today. Then I sucked it up, took a deep breath and made a decision. I'm not happy about it. It leaves me with lots of feelings of uncertainty, failure, disappointment, and disillusionment. But, the alternative was worse, believe it or not.

So, from this point forward, I am no longer in the Photography business. It is still a hobby, a passion, and an art form. However, I no longer aspire to use it to put food on our table, clothes on our backs, and smiles on the faces of our future children.

No, I'm not selling my equipment and of course I'm still going to be taking photographs just as often as I used to. I'll still be selling prints of my work, starting new projects, seeking exhibits, holding photo sessions, posting photographs online, begging for donations, and looking for people willing to let me point my camera at them and turn it into art.

So what's the difference, then? If you have to ask you probably won't understand, but I'll try anyway.

I won't finish designing the pamphlet I was working on to advertise a new niche service I was going to provide for newborn babies and their mothers. While the work was very interesting to me, there's no reason for me to run around in my free time taking the same 15 photographs of perfect strangers if I'm not trying to make money doing it.

I won't spend my nights worrying about the next big thing and how to get in front of it so I can get my business out of the red. As a hobby, it is, by nature, something that costs money not something that makes money. It's similar to motorcycle riding, golfing, fishing, boating, and playing music.

I won't be spending any more of my free time trying to find new customers and new business ideas. I'm still looking for people to work with, of course. When I see someone I'm interested in doing something with, I'll be sure to let them know. I'm always happy to be approached with new projects as well. However, it's no longer a requirement for me to look for work. If I don't have a session scheduled or a place that I want to photograph, then I get some free time for a change.

I won't stress out over the amount of work I have to do. I won't get upset when I don't have enough free time to do the other things in life that I enjoy. I won't trip over my own words when I feel like a customer is slipping through my hands.

I probably won't be replacing the studio strobe that exploded last month or the Expan Paper Drive that cracked in my last session anytime soon. As a hobbyist, my subjects can wait as I deal with less than perfect equipment. If they'd rather not, then they can find a professional photographer to take their photographs.

Most importantly, I'll be keeping my sights right here at ground level where it's safe and sound and uneventful.

My heart is broken.