I received "a comment":http://revjim.net/2006/09/08/prophecy-fulfilled/#comment-16284 from a friend that I have great respect for, as a person, as a friend, and as a father. Instead of responding directly to him (as I do with most of the comments I get) I decided to respond publicly because I'm sure his thoughts are shared by many of you.
Life doesn't end when you have kids and neither do your dreams.
I know this. Actually, technically, life begins when you have kids. And, if you get all metaphysical about it (which I do), your life, in essence, is extended through their memory and the life you've filled them with.
And you're right, the "dreams I had":http://revjim.net/2006/08/28/whats-really-lost/ don't go away with children either. In fact more than half of the reasons behind those dreams have to do with raising children.
Here are some of the problems:
- If I'm going to have children, I want to spend time with them. Otherwise, why have them? Some of these dreams were an attempt to put me in a position where I would have more time at home.
- If I'm going to have children, I want to give them as much if not more than I had. Some of these dreams were an attempt to give them an environment where this was possible.
- If I'm going to have children, I want them to know their family. Some of these dreams were an attempt to get them closer to their family and closer to a community that might be as close as family.
- If I'm going to have children, I want them to be happy. And my happiness and the happiness of those that surround them plays a great role in how happy they will be. Some of these dreams were an attempt to make me happier with myself, my life, and where I am headed.
These problems are compounded by the fact that I am not really a risk taker. As soon as the family comes, I'll be even less likely than I am not to take the some of the risks required to make those dreams come true. Furthermore, I will be unwilling to put a lot of time and effort into it because my day job sucks away all but a couple of hours a day of family time as it is. I'm not about to spend those few hours locked away somewhere working on fulfilling these dreams and doing so with even less time and support than I have now.
Fifty is the new thirty, man! With the way life spans are going, and if you maintain your activity level, you've got close to twice your current lifespan ahead of you. All the time you've already lived and you could potentially have twice that ahead of you…
And, by the time I'm 50 and the kids are out of the house, these dreams are no longer possible. It's not like I'm going to have an opportunity to get all of this established the way I'd like and *then* have *more* kids at the age of *50*. Sure, life spans are getting longer but having children after 50 is pushing it.
You have a long way to go before the fat lady sings. :) And kids, family? That's just a whole new set of experience to draw from to fuel your art. You have something special. It's far from lost to time.
I'm not worried about my art, my photography, or my passions. I know that experience only lends to them and that children and a family will only make my work that much more real, and that much more relate-able, not to mention bring unseen levels personal joy and fulfillment. Regardless of where I am in life, what I do for a living, how old I am, or how many children (or grandchildren) I have, this need to create and share and express will not go away. And my talent and vision will only become more precise with time (well, at least until I get so old that I lose my senses). I understand and accept this.
But this isn't about my art. This is about my dreams. And these dreams were founded in the desire to raise children.
