For me, sex, and sexual partners are selected, desired, and revered in much the same way that tastes in music and favorite songs are. Let me explain.
In March of 2005, I was infatuated with Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone” and listened to it probably “more than all other songs combined”:http://revjim.net/2005/03/11/my-jaw-hurts/. She was a quick fling; the flavor of the month; a fun, passionate, roll in the hay; a good time, any time; a potential fuck buddy.
My friends made fun of me for her; the ditsy blond with absolutely nothing to offer mentally or emotionally. Though I never even considered it, had I decided to stay with her long term, she would have certainly been considered a “trophy” and I a “sugar daddy”. And, even though it’s still fun to roll in the hay with her every now and again — as long as she takes the gum out of her mouth first — she’s no longer anywhere near my favorite. In fact, even after a long break, more than once or twice in a week is too much.
On the other side of the spectrum, “Use Me” by Bill Withers speaks to me deeply. It always has ever since the first time I heard it. I can listen to it over and over and over again, at almost any time and in almost any mood. Even knowing that someone else likes this song makes me feel closer to them, like I understand them better with just that piece of information.
But “Use Me” is no roll in the hay. She’s a long drawn out night of wining and dining. She’s footsie under the table over a fancy meal. She’s slow dancing to a jazz band all night. She’s heavy unending flirting and a nearly embarrassing erection. She’s a hiked up skirt in the car on the way home and then a quick, hard, pent up fuck against the living room door the minute we step inside.
Everyone has different tastes, of course. There are some who just like Top 40s and are easily infatuated with whatever new song is out as long as it’s happy, poppy, and they can dance to it. Others only listen to old school thrash metal around their buddies, but dance naked in front of the mirror to George Micheal tunes when they are home alone. And others really are happy with the Lite Rock Station and really do think “Wind Beneath my Wings” is the best song ever written.
For me, “Use Me” will always do it for me. She’s hot and smoldering. I’ll take a long drawn out, pent up, soul shaking, earth quaking evening with her any time. But that doesn’t mean that “Since U Been Gone” doesn’t catch my eye from time to time. That doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t want a quick roll in the hay.
