rebirth

I broke down. I collapsed. I gave up.

You thought I was so strong. You thought I was so capable. And maybe I am strong. Maybe I am capable. But it was still just too much. So I gave up. No tears. No regrets. No second thoughts. I just laid down and gave up. I realized this: I do not have to move; I do not have to do; I do not have to compromise; I do not have to live. It was clear — very clear — like mountain top air. I enjoyed clarity and I accepted it.

However, when the newness of freedom started to fade the truth began to settle in. In this clarity there was no pain, heartache, trouble, dissatisfaction, anger, oppression, worry, or mistakes, those very things that plagued my every day. But there was also no love, no friendship, no secrets, no smiles, no hugs, no kisses, no gifts, no accomplishments, no bonds, and no hope. It was clear. It was peace. But it was also empty.

In nothing, there is nothing. No sadness and no happiness. No anger and no laughter. No pain and no pleasure. No enemies and no friends. Just nothing. It seemed like a trade worth considering until I realized that I couldn’t take *her* with me either. From the next room, her sobs brought me back to reality.

Even though, at times, it feels like too much to bear, all of the terrible things this world can unleash upon me are well worth the love and happiness that she brings me every day of her life. And, though they are few and far between, the other little things life presents from time to time make it even better.

And so here I am. Again. Taking on the world. Thankfully, I’ve got a secret weapon, and she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.