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a hidden mourning

May 11th, 2007
by Jim Reverend.
| Views (573)

And so it ends.

Jess and I both realize that Dallas is the best place for us right now especially considering how important economic and social stability will be during the sharp turns our lives are taking now. However, I can't help but to be sad to see the end.

While I have no real friends or family here, the casual friendships and new co-worker relationships present me with more respect, admiration, and hard working honesty than I've seen in years. It's not completely erased, of course, but I will miss being in the heart of it. I will miss the landscape: the curved and hilly roads, the surrounding mountains with thick trees, and the nearly constant line of clouds in the sky. Sure, there are bad things about being here too, but, when I dream, I only see the good things. So I guess this is the end of a dream.

I've become a professional at keeping my thoughts and feelings under a few layers of protection. On top of that, I'm elated about having the good things of Dallas back in my life — namely, my wife and family. So, unless you're very observant, you may not notice my mourning. But trust me, it's there.

I'll really miss this place.


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Posted in: everything, life, ljxp.

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  • gloria
    It seems kind of sad to me that you say you have no "real" friends there. What separates a real friend from an acquaintance? Maybe you expect too much. Balancing a family, career, and the obligations of that often leaves friends a little lower on the list of obligations for most of the people I know, but that doesn't mean they don't treasure or value the friends they do have and give when they can without expecting to receive more than they can provide. For me, it's about a mutual understanding of honesty, concern for each other and your lives, and sharing time, interests, and conversation when you can. I have friends that I hold in the same esteem as I hold my family, yet we hardly get the occasion to see each other or talk anymore, and I have friends that I see every day, that I know I can count on if I need something and would be glad if they called me in a moment of need. I consider all of these real friends, though my emotional connection with all of them varies significantly. Some of my friends are just good for talking, some of them are good for a good time, some of them are good for swapping babysitting, some for other reasons, and I never expect the same thing from one as I do from another.
    Maybe I've misunderstood you, but each time you mention a lack of "true" friends, I wonder if I fall in that category. I know that you would "like" more from me than I can give, but I wonder if it devalues me as a person or a friend that I don't meet those wants... or maybe they're needs. I think of you as a friend, and I hope you think of me as a friend...not a disappointment.
    -g
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