Exploration and a thirst for knowledge, coupled with general openness is what makes me who I am. While my interest has great range, all aspects of humanity are of a particular interest. This includes, but is certainly not limited to, our sensuality. I have an intense interest in the primal aspects of what make us fully, truly, human, and what connects us, in part, to the rest of the animal kingdom. Yeah. That’s me.
Human beings draw lines and boundaries around themselves for various reasons. Sometimes it’s out of fear, frustration, or a painful memory. Sometimes it’s for comfort or to acquire personal freedoms. Still other times the lines around us are superceded by the larger circles drawn around those we choose to stand so close to.
These lines aren’t always drawn in bright white paint — it’s not always obvious where they are, or how far they run. My interest is in rubbing up against them as hard as I can to feel every aspect of them. My interest is in tracing those lines and then seeing what it takes to move them. My interest is in seeing if there is some uncharted territory — a difference between where we openly say the lines are and where they actually exist.
Let there not be a misunderstanding. I do NOT advocate cross anyone’s boundaries and would never intentionally do so. Especially not with anyone that I cared about or respected. I don’t take interest in upsetting people, or causing them to do things they don’t want to do. That’s silly, and hurtful, and mean, and doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
My interest is in enjoying the time that I spend in the relationships I keep, and enjoying exploring that friendship and the human element that exists between any two people in any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise. I feel that the closer we stand on both sides of the lines we’ve drawn, the more powerful and meaningful that relationship will be. In order to get that close, we’ve got to do a little looking around.
Exploration is all about boundaries, and lines, and new frontiers. All of this as an attempt to be as close and connected in every way possible to the people I care about. But never, never, ever to cross those lines.
These days, however, I’m seeking this particular closeness less and less and with fewer and fewer people. Not because I’m any less interested in making those bonds and exploring those boundaries. I just realize that being that person — stepping on those boundaries, pushing those lines, pushing others to explore themselves and their own lines — can cause more problems than it generates freedom or closeness. Maybe I push too hard. Perhaps others are unwilling to admit to themselves where their lines are drawn. Maybe we misunderstand the lines that have been drawn for us and cross them mistakenly. Regardless of the reason, I’m learning that with most people these days, the exploration isn’t worth the cost and rarely presents a reward. But when it does, it’s amazing.