revjim.net

I am more observant and am able to communicate more effectively than most people. I've always been this way. I don't mean to brag or anything, it's just that I'm better than most people. Probably even you. Here's a recent example:

Monday evening I landed at Syracuse International Airport to find that the place I had rented my car from was having some trouble and there would be a one hour delay to me getting a car. Nursing a sick stomach from a very bumpy ride and with nothing better to do I opted to find something to eat. At Syracuse International Airport you have two options: a sandwich, or pizza. I went for pizza.

As I stood in line to pay behind a man and, I presume, his wife, I heard him arguing with the cashier over the price of his meal. I continued to text message feverishly not even bothering to look up from my phone. As they continued to argue I decided that if I didn't interject I may never eat, so I surveyed the situation.

In front of the man was a beer, a fountain drink, and two plates with pizza on them. The cashier was asking for $14 and change. The man was insisting this was too much. The cashier was going over the price of each item: $3-something for pizza, $4-something for the beer, $2-something for the fountain drink. The man insisted that his total should be $10-something.

I'll spare you the suspense. I noticed immediately that the man's pizza was actually one slice cut in half on two plates. The man knew that but, obviously, the cashier didn't.

I interrupted the two of them: "How many slices did you charge him for?" Her eyes slowly rolled around the top of her head landing on me with a look that said, "who the FUCK are you and why the FUCK are you talking to me?". Either she grew tired of speaking with her customer or my stare persuaded her to do so, because after a few beats she decided to answer me.

"Two."

I broke eye contact and continued text messaging, pointing to the man's pizza with my PDA stylus, "That's just one slice cut in half."

"Yes it is. One very COLD slice of pizza," said the man, aggravated and angling for a bargain.

Crisis averted.