For those of you that didn’t catch the more brief update, our daughter, Céleste Andrée, was born on December 26th. My wife labored for 12 hours before requiring an emergency c-section due to the baby’s heart rate dropping dangerously low. About 10 minutes later, she was born 7lbs 11oz, 19in long, and screaming like mad at 1:40pm. You can read a more detailed version of the events leading to her birth in my Twitter posts for the day (here and here).
Not quite 6 days yet of fatherhood I’ve learned a few things. Today I’d like to talk to you about one of the most important of them all.
No matter how cute you think your newborn little girl or boy will look in that lacy princess dress, those cute little suspenders, or that adorable pair of pajamas, leave them right where they belong: on the shelf at the store. Here are three reasons why.
1) Whether you have a big baby or a tiny baby, she will be unable to hold her own head up at first. Regardless of how cute the clothing you dress her in is, when you try to hold her up for a photo it’ll look just about the same no matter what. There will be a hunched up ball of wadded up clothing in the middle, a little head poking out the top, and two little fists poking out the sides.
2) Dressing a baby requires you to lift her, move her, roll her, tuck this in, tuck that in, snap this, zip that, button this, fold that, etc. Again, they can’t even hold their own heads up. This is compounded by the fact that, when they are naked (or nearly naked) they are often also a bit upset. And, most likely, you won’t be very good at dressing babies if it’s your first. And, unless you’re just plain sick, you’ll want the crying to stop just as quickly as possible. All of these things add up to disaster. You’ll be hurried, she’ll be screaming, and when you’re trying desperately to snap the 27th snap on the first leg of the pair of pajamas you’re dressing her in and she still hasn’t stopped screaming, your mind will snap and you’ll find yourself convulsing on the floor. It’s all downhill from there.
3) Even if you manage to jump all the hoops required to get her dressed in the latest newborn fashions, newborn babies will wet 8 or more diapers a day. That means 8 times a day you’ll have to undo all of the dressing you just did, then wipe her and change her, and then dress her up all over again. And that’s if you’re lucky. Sometimes it’ll be a dirty diaper. And she’ll kick her feet and squirm her little butt in just the right way to make sure that those cute clothes look waaay less cute once covered in her latest diaper creation. So then, on top of all the dressing and undressing, you’ll have a growing pile of laundry requiring special attention.
My advice is this: onesies, gowns, blankets, and hats. And nothing more. If you insist on buying cute clothing either for your own expected baby or for the expected babies of family and loved ones, buy the cutest onesies, gowns, hats, and blankets you can find. A onesie followed by a couple of tightly wrapped blankets and a cute little hat will keep her the warmest, be the easiest to change, and will secure a heartfelt “awwwwwww” from any passerby. I assure you, nothing is cuter than a bundled newborn baby.
Maybe dressing her will be a good idea when she’s older. I’ll let you know.