revjim.net

August 8th, 2008:

mind over matter

Right now I’m starving. However, I know that I’m not hungry. I’ve gone much longer than this without food before without even starting to feel hungry. But I’m restless. And my body equates that with hunger and it shouldn’t. That’s only one of the many reasons for this cleanse.

The “body” portion is basically a very limited juice fast. It not meant for weight loss, though certainly some will occur. The intent is toxin cleansing. On the surface it looks like it cleanses only the body. But I selected it also because I realized what it would do for my mind as well: Clearing mental toxins.

Each 10oz drink is 108 calories. I did the math. It tastes good. Very good, actually. Better than expected. The liquid of it keeps my stomach full. On top of that the vitamins and nutrients it provides are fairly complete. I wouldn’t attempt to live off of the stuff but, I’ve certainly eaten less healthy meals for weeks at a time. It’s really easy to make. It’s not at all expensive or complicated. With all of this in place, I can be certain that I’m not starving or malnourished in anyway, that it’s not too difficult to keep up with, or costing me a fortune. Basically, at least in the short term, I can be sure that everything is cared for.

It’s a mind game. By proving to my own mind that my body is not hungry, my mind is forced to realize that the only thing crying for food is itself. That part of the mind needs quieting. Even if it wasn’t making me fat, unambitious, and lethargic, the noise that it makes is a distraction I don’t need.

I had to play the same trick with myself when I quit smoking. That’s what gave me the idea in the first place.

With each swallow and each breath I seek clarity.

a cleansing ritual

Today I’m starting a cleansing ritual: body, mind, soul. The details of how and why are quite personal and complicated. But I’ll tell bits and pieces as I feel like I can. The process itself isn’t even that straight forward. Some of it is clear, others have to be invented as I go along. It’s right for me.

I may be a bit distant for a while. More than likely I’m just too caught up in fixing myself to have the thought of reaching out even cross my mind. But I’m not seeking isolation. So please, if you desire to, feel free to reach out and distract me from my own mind for a bit in whatever way you’d like. It will be appreciated.

After a few weeks I can move on to healing and you’ll probably notice me reaching out to you a bit more. I’m going to try to continue writing here and posting photographs. It’s part of the process. So even if we don’t get together, you’ll still have bits of me here.

Thank you for understanding.