Comments on: sorting out christmas lights

By: Daniel

Daniel — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:23:11 +0000

This is true. It is better to mention our expectation. I guess I have
trouble in even realizing that I'm having them. Then, in some cases, I
have trouble mentioning them because part of the expectation is that I
won't have to do so.

Thank you for your thoughts.

By: Jim Reverend

Jim Reverend — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:23:11 +0000

By: elizabeth Brown

elizabeth Brown — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 03:26:18 +0000

expectations are a necessary evil. what, i think, is more important is being able to clearly communicate what those expectations or needs are to the people you need them from. often we get hurt because someone didnt do what we needed them to do, but they couldnt read our mind, so how would they know. well, if they were right for us and loved us as we loved them then they would just know, right! no. they were thinking of something else. or maybe they were thinking of us, but we wanted something different this time around. people want to feel secure and they want to know what they should do – like children, but not in a bad way – so if we are more clear- ie. if you did the dishes when ive been really busy then ill know you love me, etc. etc. , then our relationships would be happier and more fulfilling. i dunno, i just read this self help book, the four agreements, and it was fantastic and it dealt a lot with simple communication and not making assumptions. because im always like, well if i have to ask you to do something or ask for what i need then you just dont understand and so im going to suffer quietly and be really passive aggressive and unhappy. and that sucks. so im learning to just ask.

By: Cranialstrain

Cranialstrain — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:27:38 +0000

I must say that I don't feel lonely at all, the whole process has made me appreciate and value my own company a lot more, it's just rather uneventful and unexciting. My aim now is to try and build on existing friendships and see what new ones might be around the corner without 'seeking them out'.

Good luck in your quest, I am sure it will prove fruitful to your self-being in the future :)

By: Jim Reverend

Jim Reverend — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:26:07 +0000

Bingo.

That is, of course, my fear. I've done a cleanse like this before. I lost a
lot of friends. I was very lonely for quite a long time. Some of those
friendships were built back. Many were not. I do feel happier in each of
those relationships than I was before the cleanse, but, I was left with such
a strong guard that making new friends or even building ones that still
existed seemed impossible.

I can't shut off. I'm trying not too. I keep reaching out to people, here
and there, hoping, begging for something to help me hang on.

In the end, something will give.

By: Cranialstrain

Cranialstrain — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:56:16 +0000

Your friend not only speaks wise words but does so very eloquently; I couldn't agree more.

As with many things in life it's not how situations or people affect us but how we let them; I think this is certainly true in this instance. The only difference between us all is how much importance and relevance in our life we give to that reciprocated, and how some of us perhaps unwittingly assume (not "expect") the same will be returned - no matter how small.

After a bad bust-up with a friend in March I near-vowed to become a hermit, staying away from anything or anyone who could hurt me so badly. I've since executed an almost tactical withdrawal from friends and situations only rarely letting my guard down, and not always with the most pleasant results.

However since this 'filtration of friends and situations' my life has seemed quite empty, especially of excitement and variety; so although I might feel safer for my actions I'm a lot poorer for it.