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September 15th, 2008:

30 answers

Sep 15th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

Here’s the deal: below are my answers to 30 questions. The questions are secret. If you want to know them, you have to agree to do this meme and post it in your own journal/blog/website/email list/whatever. If you’re down for that, drop me a comment and I’ll email you the questions. Wee!

1. Nic
2. Of all the people I talk to regularly today but not counting family, Amanda.
3. For a day? almost anyone. Forever? no one.
4. Cheryl
5. Above all else, myself.
6. Ryan. Jonathan.
7. Laurel.
8. Elizabeth.
9. Emily. Melanie. Melissa.
10. So many of them. So many role models.
11. Myself. Morgan.
12. Jess.
13. Kara.
14. Jet. Joel. (not much, but the closest I can come in my group of friends)
15. Mike. Admit it. He’d look good.
16. Sean.
17. Almost everyone I know, to some extent.
18. No one that I know of.
19. My Dad. Erica.
20. Ryan. Josh.
21. Johnny.
22. Lauren.
23. Um. My actual boss.
24. Mr “Excuse me”.
25. Lots of my friends, actually. Listing them all seems silly.
26. No one.
27. Myself. Gloria. Morgan (I think).
28. Melissa. Melanie.
29. Jess.
30. Hi.

(I really need to start using LJ, MySpace Blog, Facebook Notes, something else for this stuff)

guilty, without charge

Sep 15th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

I regularly feel guilty for things that I do. It’s rarely, if ever, because the person I feel guilty about has done or said something to make me feel guilty. It’s usually not even because of some action someone else took. Most of the time the source of my guilt is contained entirely within the walls of my mind.

I was raised Catholic. Maybe that’s where all the guilt comes from.

I don’t get to see my wife and daughter often enough. With work, sleep, chores, and social expectations taking up the majority of my time (in that order), there’s little left for them. So any time I do anything at all that takes away from time I could be spending with them I feel guilty. It’s not that either of them do anything that makes me feel guilty. I just do. All on my own.

I need to get over it, take some time for myself, and get to the point where I feel good about who I am again. I need more photo sessions; more outings with friends in crazy, crowded bars; more outings with friends in secluded, intimate locations; more hikes; more stargazing; more road-trips; more projects.

The guilt, however, it not entirely without reason. It keeps me in check and makes sure that I’m taking time out for other people too: my wife, my daughter, my family, my friends. It makes sure that it’s not always about me. Because, unfortunately, the people that I love are not always interested and available for the things I want to do.

So that’s what I need now. I need to find a happy medium between satisfying my own needs and catering to the needs of those I love without feeling so guilty and stressed and, eventually, depressed, that I end up doing neither.