While I’m up and not sleeping, I figure I may as well mention this too.
I need a safety buddy.
I don’t really have any fears about being alone. I do quite well alone, actually. And if something should happen to me while I’m alone well, I’ll either make it out of it or I won’t. But I don’t really worry about it at all.
However, I’m very frightened about what might happen to my daughter if something should happen to me when we’re alone together. The thought of her being unable to wake me, unable to feed/change herself, and unable to get help — just sitting there crying and possibly dying scares me more than anything else.
Most days her mom and I follow our “every other day” custody pattern. Though we’ve never discussed it, I’m sure if I didn’t drop her off at school by 10am or so, her mom would call to find out what happened. And by noon or so with no call or answer she’d probably get worried enough to leave work and come find out. So that’s 19 hours, tops, that my daughter would be alone in this house before someone showed up to check on her. But still, that’s nineteen hours. The thought of that makes me shiver. Chances are she would live through it and come out physically unharmed, but the thought her suffering, scared, and worried like that — I just can’t bare to think of it.
And don’t even get me started on weekends and days off.
If I can get that interval down to 2 to 4 hours, I think I’d worry less. Then again, I’m, obviously, a worrier, so maybe not.
So who wants to be my safety buddy? Basically, if you haven’t heard from me online in a few hours (which with my Twitter and Facebook habits is quite rare), just poke at me in some other way (IM, SMS, Phone Call) and make sure I’m still breathing. I’ll give you the number to my neighbors and tell you where I hide a key to my house so that, if I don’t respond, you can save the day.
Yes. I’m aware that I’m absolutely paranoid. Supressing it doesn’t really help. I’ve learned that catering to it is the fastest way to silence it.