(I’m actively seeking insight and feedback here. It’s a decision where the pros and cons seem to be equally weighted and I’m looking for even the smallest thing that one of you might have to help tip the scales.)
[This conversation has been started else where, so some of this is a cut and paste, and some of it is new information. I'm sorry if you've seen some of this before.]
I tried to rent or sell my house for so long that I just gave up and started settling in: Getting rooms defined to their best purposes, Rearranging furniture to suit me, Putting in hard flooring, Making plans for the back yard.
Now I have someone wanting to rent it.
There are two things that would make my life easier right now:
1) Being closer to C’s daycare and closer to work. This will save commute time, gas money, and toll tag bills.
2) Having a smaller place, requiring less upkeep, utilities, cleaning, and maintenance. This will save energy costs, and cleaning time.
These things are both provided for by moving to Carrollton/Lewisville.
Here are the current arguments.
Daycare
C’s current daycare is one of the best there is, we’re getting it at half price, and C’s mom and I are splitting it. That means I’m paying 25% of the real cost. Considering how expensive daycare can be, this is awesome.
If I’m willing to foot the entire, full-priced daycare bill, I could conceivably find her a daycare closer by which would save myself lots of commuting time on work from home days and a little commuting time on work from the office days.
But, I don’t know that C’s mom would drive her to “my” daycare. Which may mean that she ends up paying more to keep C in “her” daycare and then we’re both spending more than we need to. I’d still have to drive to “her” daycare every other day to get C. On top of all that, it may only piss C’s mom off to find that when before she had a 0 minute commute to pick up C, she now has to drive 60 minutes round trip to get her, at least every other day.
Switching to some other custody schedule in order to limit the pickups and drop offs only means my daughter spends MORE time in day care and I have to go LONGER without seeing her. Which is also not ideal.
Smaller is Better.
C’s bedroom is upstairs. She never sleeps in it and I keep all of her clothes in my room. My office is upstairs. But my bedroom is big enough to hold it as well. I bathe C upstairs, but I could just as easily do it downstairs. We rarely, if ever, use the upstairs balcony. There’s a gameroom upstairs that just collects dust and cat hair.
Celeste has a playroom downstairs. If it were a bedroom instead, it would serve both purposes. If I moved my office downstairs then I wouldn’t need the 3rd bedroom either, unless I had guests sleeping over.
Basically, I don’t need the upstairs on my house. At all. That means that at least 1/3 of my house is absolutely wasted and unused.
If I had a smaller place (say 1500 square feet, or even less), I’d have 1/3 less to clean, 1/3 less to heat and cool, and 1/3 less space to fix when it breaks.
Closer makes sense.
Living in Carrollton/Lewisville (from now on C/L) would take 1 hour off of my round trip commute to my mom’s house, which I make weekly. When my mom moves to Rowlett, it’ll take an hour or so off of that trip too. It would take 1 hour off of my round trip commute to work, which I make 2 or 3 times a week. It would take 45 minutes off of my round trip commute to daycare, which I do 2 or 3 times a week. It would take 15 minutes off of a trip to the grocery store. 15 minutes off of a trip to the doctor. 10 minutes off a trip to C’s doctor. In almost every case I will pay less in tolls if I have to pay tolls at all.
It brings me either closer or make no change in distance to almost every single person I know with a few very important exceptions: my neighbors.
My neighbors.
I have the world’s best neighbors. And I mean neighbors in the plural sense of the word. Multiple neighbors.
I’ve lived in many houses with my parents. I’ve lived in many apartments by myself. I’ve never had neighbors as loving and as caring as the ones I have now.
We sit and talk in our driveways. We visit one another for dinner. We’ve gone out to a lake house together. We’re making 4th of July plans together. We stay up late and drink some nights. They helped me put in flooring. We swap child care tips. They’ve offered many times over to watch Celeste as needed. They drove all the way out to my mom’s place for C’s birthday.
They are amazing people. All 6 adults. All 5 kids. And there are even more neighbors near by that I am close with and might be closer to in the future.
Am I just the luckiest guy on the planet? Or was I just not trying hard enough in the past? I have no idea. But I do know that my neighbors feel like family and leaving them, their company, and the support we offer one another isn’t something that feels good.
Conclusion?
My basic math for moving looks something like this: If I move into an apartment, I’ll save about $200/mo on “rent”, $200/mo on utilities, $200/mo on gas and toll charges, and, on average, about 5-7 hours a week in time. If I can find a house to rent instead of an apartment, I’ll save a little less. This is time and money and energy I can spend relaxing, out with friends, or growing/learning/playing with celeste.
The one compelling argument for staying is my neighbors. Yes… I could still drive up and see them. They are only 30 minutes away from where I’m planning to move. And, if where I move doesn’t work out, I’d be renting my house out, so I could always move back.
And at some point in the future my situation is bound to change. C’s daycare will end and we’ll need to move to a good school district. C’s mom and I will change custody patterns. I’ll get a different job or start working for myself. There are so many options. In that regard it almost seems silly to pack up and move everything just to solve a problem that might solve itself down the road. Then again, 3-4 years is long enough for it to make a difference.
What are your thoughts?
From my perspective, it makes sense to move. I'm not exactly sure how much to weigh this, but consider (and this is meant as an observation, not a complaint or dig): I hear you complain multiple times a week about how little time you have, how much money you're spending, and how frustrating and difficult it is to live so far away. This is only the second or third time ever that I have heard you talk about your neighbors. I can't tell you what that means, but I think the difference in daily impact on your life is something you should strongly consider. Also, it's entirely possible that you can meet new awesome and supportive neighbors, and being closer to your friends means that they can also be possibly in that category.
I think FacebookConnect hates you. Other people use it and it works fine. You, however, end up with this weird name.
At any rate, you're 100% correct. Moving makes the most sense.
My neighbors are VERY awesome… but we've only been close for the past few months which is part of why you haven't heard of them. The other part is that they are more “in person” than they are “online” so they don't get brought up as often. And, finally, because we live, literally, next door to each other, we rarely make plans. Instead, things just happen. But… make no mistake. They are awesome.
But… still… moving makes sense.
Now… does my SPECIFIC move makes sense? Hmmmmm… that math will occur next, here at revjim.net.
If it were me, I'd move, no question. $600 and 5-7 hours each month is a big deal, especially the time. Just as far as the commute goes — I live 5 minutes away from my job right now, and knowing what that's like now, I would make a lot of sacrifices to keep my commute that short. I didn't think it would make as much of a difference as it does. I think for you, considering that you're a father, it would make even more of a difference. 30 wasted minutes in traffic becomes 30 minutes with your little girl. Of course, this is all based on my own feelings about commuting. I have a very low tolerance for it, and I'm not a big fan of driving in general. You might feel differently.
I totally understand having great neighbors (I have some myself, and I hate the thought of maybe leaving them someday when I buy a house), and that sense of community is so rare in this day and age. Thankfully, it seems that you've made bonds with your neighbors that could endure your move. To me, having even the best neighbors just doesn't outweigh the benefit of extra time and a leaner life. Of course, I think I'm probably a lot more solitary by nature than you are, so I imagine that connection you feel with your neighbors is probably a lot more important to you than it would be to me.
So, in short, I'd move, no question, because to me, more time and a more efficient life would benefit my own sanity much, much more than having great neighbors. You might be different, though.
I think your right. I have awesome neighbors. And they are right next door. And that's even awesomer.
But I also have awesome friends. And they are far, far away. And moving would make many of them closer.
And I also have some awesome family. And moving would make them closer.
Proximity is a key ingredient to enjoyment and friendship. I understand that. But it's not the only ingredient.
So moving seems the best. Now … does my PARTICULAR move makes the most sense. Stay tuned for the next episode of “just how fucking crazy is daniel?!”.
Move. The pros here clearly outweigh the cons.
And you can always move back.
The pros in the above list do indeed outweigh the cons.
Which means, all other things being equal and obvious, moving makes more sense than staying.
So now I just need to go over the non-equal non-obvious parts of it.
Which will be my next verbose, daniel-esque post. :)
Given what you’ve said in the past and as recently as the past week about finding more balance, I think cutting down on the commute alone is worth the move. You talked for a long time about wanting more time, less traffic, being closer to C’s daycare, etc. This would be time you could spend relaxing, doing yoga, and with your daughter. I still think you can keep in touch with your neighbors and it sounds like it would be very healthy for you to do so! You can still attend parties, etc.
As for the future, well, you cannot know what that will bring. To me that’s why there is comfort in renting so you can always move back is you need or want to. But in the meantime, you don’t get time back, so I’d do what I can to spend it where your heart desires most.
If it were me, I’d move in a heartbeat. But you need to follow yours. :)
Cutting the commute (more so than the money, sadly) is the real motivator here.
There are some pros/cons to moving and apartments vs. rental houses and selling my house vs. renting it out etc that I should probably spell out before really leaning in any one direction.
Which will be coming to a revjim.net near you soon!
You could buy my house! Except, I'm still 18 mins from Carrollton.
Renting out vs selling is tough though, because if they split, you end up like my friend Murphy who's having to deal with possible foreclosure on his old house.
As such, i wouldn't rent out my old house unless I was set in a new house so if my credit got humped, I'd still have a place to live.
You know, me being paranoid and all.
Drive time is more than worth the move. Driving adds to an underlying tension in life which is best to avoid.
Keep the low cost daycare, especially if you guys are happy with the staff there. You could move to an expensive one and still end up with bad staff. Plus, it keeps the split accessible to you both since finances are wonky in a split.
Definitely move to somewhere that's closest to where you go on a daily basis. That means somewhere between the daycare and the office, with easy access to the interstate.
If I decide to move, you've hit on one of the first big points there: I really don't want to be a landlord.
If I'm going to move and C is going to stay at this daycare and we assume that I'm going to stay at my job (hate hate hate) then Carrollton/Lewisville/Coppel makes the most sense.
And you're right… not only does driving waste time… it adds tension. No good.
Also, curious… do you get email notified when someone replies to a FacebookConnect authenticated comment? Let me know?
You could buy my house! Except, I'm still 18 mins from Carrollton.
Renting out vs selling is tough though, because if they split, you end up like my friend Murphy who's having to deal with possible foreclosure on his old house.
As such, i wouldn't rent out my old house unless I was set in a new house so if my credit got humped, I'd still have a place to live.
You know, me being paranoid and all.
Drive time is more than worth the move. Driving adds to an underlying tension in life which is best to avoid.
Keep the low cost daycare, especially if you guys are happy with the staff there. You could move to an expensive one and still end up with bad staff. Plus, it keeps the split accessible to you both since finances are wonky in a split.
Definitely move to somewhere that's closest to where you go on a daily basis. That means somewhere between the daycare and the office, with easy access to the interstate.
If I decide to move, you've hit on one of the first big points there: I really don't want to be a landlord.
If I'm going to move and C is going to stay at this daycare and we assume that I'm going to stay at my job (hate hate hate) then Carrollton/Lewisville/Coppel makes the most sense.
And you're right… not only does driving waste time… it adds tension. No good.
Also, curious… do you get email notified when someone replies to a FacebookConnect authenticated comment? Let me know?
Cutting the commute (more so than the money, sadly) is the real motivator here.
There are some pros/cons to moving and apartments vs. rental houses and selling my house vs. renting it out etc that I should probably spell out before really leaning in any one direction.
Which will be coming to a revjim.net near you soon!
The pros in the above list do indeed outweigh the cons.
Which means, all other things being equal and obvious, moving makes more sense than staying.
So now I just need to go over the non-equal non-obvious parts of it.
Which will be my next verbose, daniel-esque post. :)
I think your right. I have awesome neighbors. And they are right next door. And that's even awesomer.
But I also have awesome friends. And they are far, far away. And moving would make many of them closer.
And I also have some awesome family. And moving would make them closer.
Proximity is a key ingredient to enjoyment and friendship. I understand that. But it's not the only ingredient.
So moving seems the best. Now … does my PARTICULAR move makes the most sense. Stay tuned for the next episode of “just how fucking crazy is daniel?!”.
I think FacebookConnect hates you. Other people use it and it works fine. You, however, end up with this weird name.
At any rate, you're 100% correct. Moving makes the most sense.
My neighbors are VERY awesome… but we've only been close for the past few months which is part of why you haven't heard of them. The other part is that they are more “in person” than they are “online” so they don't get brought up as often. And, finally, because we live, literally, next door to each other, we rarely make plans. Instead, things just happen. But… make no mistake. They are awesome.
But… still… moving makes sense.
Now… does my SPECIFIC move makes sense? Hmmmmm… that math will occur next, here at revjim.net.