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June, 2009:

thoughts on moving, part II: the whining game

Jun 24th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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The problem with moving is that if I’m not careful I’ll end up in something just as bad as where I am now, just bad in a different way.

Apartments

An Apartment (vs a Rental House) seems to make the most sense on first thought. But there are some issues.

First of all even the biggest apartments are, generally speaking, smaller than the smallest houses. In most areas you’d be hard pressed to find a house less than 1300 sq ft. And, in most areas, you’d have a hard time finding an apartment larger than 1500 sq ft. They exist. I get it. But, they are not plentiful.

I have a lot of stuff. Granted, I don’t NEED all of this stuff. But, I have it. Which means I’ll have to do something with it and get something else in exchange if I move some place smaller.

For instance, I have a king sized bed. The smaller bedrooms that often come with apartments can have trouble fitting a king sized bed in it. If it does fit, there’s rarely room left for a desk and computer too.

I have a large, square, bar height dining room table that seats 8. This is unlikely to fit in any apartment dining room.

My living room furniture will probably fit. I have a big living room now, but a lot of the space is used for walking, so there is not as much furniture.

At the very least I’ll need a smaller dining room table, and maybe a smaller bed too. I might also need a smaller desk, I may also have a few chairs to sell. And I have a second dining room table that I’ll need to get rid of. And a large outdoor picnic table.

And I’ll either need three bedrooms, a very large master, or a large living room with a conviently placed dining room.

And I’d really prefer the hard flooring. It just makes more sense. And by the time I find all of that stuff, I’m looking at an apartment in in the ghetto or a place that runs about the same as my mortgage does right now. So, it looks like I’m not actually going to save any money there, and that’s still no promise I’ll find a place.

Unless I deliberately pick a place right next to C’s daycare, I need to assume at least a 10 minute drive in Carrollton traffic. So, my 1 hour round trip becomes 20 minutes round trip, maybe 30. Which leaves me 30-40 minutes a day in time savings or 1.5 to 2 hours a week. Plus another 1.5 to 2 hours a week in work travel. Plus another 1-2 hours in other travel. So I’m still looking at 4 to 6 hours a week in time savings. Which is good.

And I’ll still get my cash savings on less toll tag usage and cheaper utility bills. $200 to $400/mo worth, I’m guessing.

Rental Houses

A quick poke here and there found a decent house for rent in Carrollton.

The rent is the same amount that I’m paying now for my mortgage. So there’s no savings there.

It’s about 15 minutes from C’s daycare, so the time savings is roughly the same as the apartment estimate.

Utility bills will be a little higher and there will be a few thises and thats I’ll have to cover that I wouldn’t in a house, so savings are less.

But, with a rental house I’m less likely to have to make my furniture and belongings smaller — certainly not to the same extent. But, at the price I’m looking to pay in this area, I’m going to have a harder time finding a place and an even harder time finding one that isn’t trashed out on the inside.

It will probably not come with a pool or a playground or any of that stuff like an apartment does either.

But we will have privacy, and safety, and comfort, and space that comes with being in a house.

Apartment vs House

I’ll consider both avenues for now, but I’m thinking an apartment just makes more sense. Also makes me a bit more versatile in the event that I find a house I want to BUY or if for some reason I need to move out quickly.

Is it worth it?

But I still have to ask the big question: is it worth it?

Let’s add it all up.

  • CON: I’ll have to be a landlord. I’ll have to deal with a tenant, and make repairs, and collect rent, and all of that. If he stops paying rent, I have to scramble to make ends meet, kick him out, clean the place, find a new tenant, etc.
  • PRO: I will save 4-6 hours in time every week. Maybe even more. It’s not huge, but it’s something. That averages out to an extra hour in every day that I see my daughter each week.
  • PRO: I will save $200-$400/mo. I will more than likely spend most of that in non-rented months at the house, travel to and from the house, maintenance contracts, and the like. But, it’s still savings.
  • POINT: My place will be too small to entertain large groups. But I rarely entertain large groups now and have plenty of friends with houses willing to do so for me should the need arise.
  • CON: I will probably have to put a lot of work and effort and money into buying new things that will work in a new, smaller place. In the end my life will be leaner, which is good, but I’ll have to bleed cash to get there. And, in the end, when I do move back to a house, I’ll more than likely want to beef things back up to fill the house in. This is wasted money and effort. But, I might get lucky and not have to change too much.
  • PRO: I will have a smaller place that’s easier to clean and cheaper to maintain.
  • CON: I will be MUCH farther from the neighbors and friends I’ve made near my house.
  • PRO: I will be closer to C’s mom, my friends in Carrollton and Lewisville, my parents, and my friends in the Keller area.
  • CON: I will no longer have a guest room. Friends from out of town, guests making a drive to visit, and my mom in upstate new york will no longer have a nice place to stay with me. Sure, there are air mattresses and all that Jazz. But it’s not the same.
  • CON: I’ll most likely end up in an apartment. Which means, at least at first, finding places and ways to play with Celeste will be more difficult. All of our old tricks (sitting on the front steps, petting the kitties, and coloring with sidewalk chalk, for instance) are likely to no longer be valid. Additionally, she’ll have to get used to a new place, a new room, a new life style, new noises, and all sorts of new things. But we’ll have eachother to get through it with.

It seems like all of the CONs can either be evened out by a PRO or can be consider a “deal with this one time and be done with it” other than the “being a landlord” bit. And there’s just no way around that one.

Thankfully this first potential tenant seems like a really nice guy. He’s willing to help me out and understands that I’d be going out on a limb for him. Hopefully that means he’ll take care of the place and not be too much trouble. Maybe, when the timing and the price is right, he’ll even buy the place.

Staying here.

Let’s not forget that staying here is still an option. The good thing about it — the best thing about it — is that nothing changes. And even if life isn’t PERFECT right this second — Celeste and I… we’re doing very well. We’re happy. We have lots of time together and a lot of the time that we do have is quality time. Even with all of the issues and commuting and what not, I’m pretty sure I get to spend more time with my daughter every given week than most dad’s do.

Help?!?

As I was telling my awesome friend Kelly earlier today, I don’t internalize stuff like this very well. I have trouble walking away from anything, and making final decisions scares the crap out of me. So… if any of you can shed some insight on this, weigh in once again, and offer any final thoughts, it’d mean a lot to me. I just want to make sure I’m making the right choice.

If I am — if finding an apartment makes the most sense — then I’ll wait until my potential tenant says go and I’ll jump in with both feet and I won’t look back. Because I know that’s the best way to do it. I just need to make sure it’s the right jump before I take it.


To my health, part III: the hatred

Jun 24th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

(My first attempt at typing anything of great length on the T-Mobile G1. We’ll see how it goes.)

I had to go to three different places to drop off my stool samples due to doctor office error. The people in these places all ask the same questions and require the same things. All things my doctor didn’t bother to mention. And everyone is rude which i don’t quite get. I mean, the last person you want to piss off is the guy carrying a bag of his own feces.

My health insurance provider is trying to screw me too. Only one type of treatment seems to be working and they are telling me I’ve already maxxed out my visits for the year. So, I’m going to have to pay out of pocket.

What I need is someone that will do neck and upper back deep tissue massage for cheap or trade. Then I can throw bags of feces at my insurance company.

Two of the three drugs i was given seem to be working. I’m coughing less, breathing better, and quite ready for my conjugal visit. The third drug I haven’t even started yet due to the aforementioned bag of feces issue. So I’ll start that today.

All in all, I’m feeling better (and thank you all so much for your concern). Unfortunately, I also know that feeling better is part of the cycle. I want to break it this time.

My super hot friend Kim has convinced me to get extra hot and healthy by trying hot yoga. So I’ll be starting that this week or next. It’s gonna be HOT!

Oh and did you all know it’s crazy hat day today?

thoughts on moving

Jun 23rd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
18 comments

(I’m actively seeking insight and feedback here. It’s a decision where the pros and cons seem to be equally weighted and I’m looking for even the smallest thing that one of you might have to help tip the scales.)

[This conversation has been started else where, so some of this is a cut and paste, and some of it is new information. I'm sorry if you've seen some of this before.]

I tried to rent or sell my house for so long that I just gave up and started settling in: Getting rooms defined to their best purposes, Rearranging furniture to suit me, Putting in hard flooring, Making plans for the back yard.

Now I have someone wanting to rent it.

There are two things that would make my life easier right now:

1) Being closer to C’s daycare and closer to work. This will save commute time, gas money, and toll tag bills.

2) Having a smaller place, requiring less upkeep, utilities, cleaning, and maintenance. This will save energy costs, and cleaning time.

These things are both provided for by moving to Carrollton/Lewisville.

Here are the current arguments.

Daycare

C’s current daycare is one of the best there is, we’re getting it at half price, and C’s mom and I are splitting it. That means I’m paying 25% of the real cost. Considering how expensive daycare can be, this is awesome.

If I’m willing to foot the entire, full-priced daycare bill, I could conceivably find her a daycare closer by which would save myself lots of commuting time on work from home days and a little commuting time on work from the office days.

But, I don’t know that C’s mom would drive her to “my” daycare. Which may mean that she ends up paying more to keep C in “her” daycare and then we’re both spending more than we need to. I’d still have to drive to “her” daycare every other day to get C. On top of all that, it may only piss C’s mom off to find that when before she had a 0 minute commute to pick up C, she now has to drive 60 minutes round trip to get her, at least every other day.

Switching to some other custody schedule in order to limit the pickups and drop offs only means my daughter spends MORE time in day care and I have to go LONGER without seeing her. Which is also not ideal.

Smaller is Better.

C’s bedroom is upstairs. She never sleeps in it and I keep all of her clothes in my room. My office is upstairs. But my bedroom is big enough to hold it as well. I bathe C upstairs, but I could just as easily do it downstairs. We rarely, if ever, use the upstairs balcony. There’s a gameroom upstairs that just collects dust and cat hair.

Celeste has a playroom downstairs. If it were a bedroom instead, it would serve both purposes. If I moved my office downstairs then I wouldn’t need the 3rd bedroom either, unless I had guests sleeping over.

Basically, I don’t need the upstairs on my house. At all. That means that at least 1/3 of my house is absolutely wasted and unused.

If I had a smaller place (say 1500 square feet, or even less), I’d have 1/3 less to clean, 1/3 less to heat and cool, and 1/3 less space to fix when it breaks.

Closer makes sense.

Living in Carrollton/Lewisville (from now on C/L) would take 1 hour off of my round trip commute to my mom’s house, which I make weekly. When my mom moves to Rowlett, it’ll take an hour or so off of that trip too. It would take 1 hour off of my round trip commute to work, which I make 2 or 3 times a week. It would take 45 minutes off of my round trip commute to daycare, which I do 2 or 3 times a week. It would take 15 minutes off of a trip to the grocery store. 15 minutes off of a trip to the doctor. 10 minutes off a trip to C’s doctor. In almost every case I will pay less in tolls if I have to pay tolls at all.

It brings me either closer or make no change in distance to almost every single person I know with a few very important exceptions: my neighbors.

My neighbors.

I have the world’s best neighbors. And I mean neighbors in the plural sense of the word. Multiple neighbors.

I’ve lived in many houses with my parents. I’ve lived in many apartments by myself. I’ve never had neighbors as loving and as caring as the ones I have now.

We sit and talk in our driveways. We visit one another for dinner. We’ve gone out to a lake house together. We’re making 4th of July plans together. We stay up late and drink some nights. They helped me put in flooring. We swap child care tips. They’ve offered many times over to watch Celeste as needed. They drove all the way out to my mom’s place for C’s birthday.

They are amazing people. All 6 adults. All 5 kids. And there are even more neighbors near by that I am close with and might be closer to in the future.

Am I just the luckiest guy on the planet? Or was I just not trying hard enough in the past? I have no idea. But I do know that my neighbors feel like family and leaving them, their company, and the support we offer one another isn’t something that feels good.

Conclusion?

My basic math for moving looks something like this: If I move into an apartment, I’ll save about $200/mo on “rent”, $200/mo on utilities, $200/mo on gas and toll charges, and, on average, about 5-7 hours a week in time. If I can find a house to rent instead of an apartment, I’ll save a little less. This is time and money and energy I can spend relaxing, out with friends, or growing/learning/playing with celeste.

The one compelling argument for staying is my neighbors. Yes… I could still drive up and see them. They are only 30 minutes away from where I’m planning to move. And, if where I move doesn’t work out, I’d be renting my house out, so I could always move back.

And at some point in the future my situation is bound to change. C’s daycare will end and we’ll need to move to a good school district. C’s mom and I will change custody patterns. I’ll get a different job or start working for myself. There are so many options. In that regard it almost seems silly to pack up and move everything just to solve a problem that might solve itself down the road. Then again, 3-4 years is long enough for it to make a difference.

What are your thoughts?

to my health, part II

Jun 23rd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
12 comments

(You can file this entry among those that will not be at all interesting unless you have a personal interest in my life and my health and, even then, I’m not making any promises. Yes, I really should find another place online to put this stuff. I know.)

Doctors and doctors and doctors, oh my!

As I mentioned yesterday, I had a bunch of Doctor’s appointments on Monday that led to more appointments and some tests.

I’m seeing a new Chiropractor and Massage Therapist. (Yes, I have friends that do these things professional. But they live/work so far from me. Right now, adding any more commuting to my schedule is just like adding more stress.)

My Primary doctor sent me in for chest x-rays to be certain that I don’t have anything really bad going on since my potential post-infection cough is lasting longer than is typical, but more than likely that’s nothing. She’s got me on two different drugs to help relieve the coughing and open passageways so that the inflammation in my chest will go away and I’ll be able to breathe normally and stop coughing.

My Primary doctor is also worried that I have some sort of GI infection that typical antibiotics help to create an environment that actually HELPS the bacteria. She said that it is very abnormal to have my symptoms for as long as I’ve had them and the throwing up and such from Saturday night is just another indication. So, she’s having me collect stool samples (yes… that’s about as much fun as it sounds) to send for testing. As soon as that’s done I can start a new course of antibiotics that will more than likely be the right one to combat whatever is wrong with me. The stool sample tests will come back in 2 weeks and then she’ll know for sure if she picked the right drug. If not, then we’ll go for course #4.

Those “headaches”.

My PCP also suggested that I see a neurologist which, given my mom’s history, is a super “no no” word for me that sends me into fits of fear. But, I’m trying to be brave. I know that, if any western medical specialist can help me return to normalcy and peace within my own head, a neurologist is probably it.

I’d really rather not use the word “headache” to describe what I feel because so many people use that word that it loses meaning. But it is definitely an ache in my head. Along with it my ears feel full and ring loudly, so loudly that most other sound, unless very low and loud, is distorted to the point that I have difficulty comprehending and any high pitch noises actually disturb me. I lose my ability to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. Those of you that understand how my mind works will understand that this means I lose my ability to be me. I become irritable, short tempered, easily confused, and quickly frustrated.

A really bad episode.

I felt so bad for Celeste on Sunday. After throwing up Saturday night and then laying in bed with the shivers for much of the night, I woke up and began drinking as much water and taking as many drugs as I could in hopes that I would feel better before Celeste woke up. I’ve been practicing meditation and calming techniques and I put as many of them as I could muster into practice that morning.

It worked for a while. We had a very good morning. As the afternoon approached the other kids wanted to go outside and, therefore, so did she. This was okay at first. I spent as much time as I could in the shade and trying to relax and just enjoy the day. I made myself focus on nothing other than that which was right in front of me: my daughter. But, eventually, the kids wanted the water slide going too.

Suddenly I’m standing in the blazing sun, lifting Celeste over and over on to the slide, twisting and turning, exciting my vertigo, and even the slightest slow down in pace would start cries for more from her, the very sound of which would drive me to the edge. If there were other kids on the slide, she’d have to wait her turn, which she doesn’t do very well and protests the entire time. If there weren’t, that meant I had to move faster and act quicker. I’m still not sure which of the two I preferred.

Eventually it approached her nap time, she became indecisive and irritable (possibly taking a few cues from me) and we both went down for a much needed nap. We both woke up feeling better. The “outside” portion of the day was over and I was able to relax a bit more and play with her. I managed to focus any remaining irritability inwards or at adults who might actually understand.

All in all, despite the headache episode being one of the worst that I’ve had in a long, long, long time, I think I handled myself well for all but about 10 minutes of it all. Even then, I caught myself and put myself back on a better track, which is good, and something I probably couldn’t have done 6 months ago.

The solution?

Being able to cope with these episodes is only half of the answer. Making them go away entirely would be even better. They’ve been getting worse and worse year after year. I’ve seen doctors for them before and it’s always the same hoops and the same medications and the same dead ends that I grow tired of it after a while and just give up.

But I can’t just walk away this time. There is too much at stake. I’ve got a little girl who needs me and loves me and simply doesn’t understand why her dad can go from Mr Nice Guy to Mr Snippy in 5 seconds flat when all we did is go outside and stand under the beautiful, golden sun.

So I will do what I need to do to let “medicine” have one last fair shot at me. I’ll submit to appointment after appointment. I’ll take more tests. I’ll get back on my allergy shots (which one ENT swears helped his wife immensely). I’ll scrape my own poop into eight tiny little vials and drop it off at the lab like it’s nothing more than this week’s dry cleaning. I’ll take different medications that range from making me woosy, to itchy, to on edge, to sick to my stomach. I’ll keep seeing a Chiropractor even if I have to pay out of pocket because my insurance has decided that 20 visits a year should be enough.

Despite a full time job, looking for new employment, caring for an 18 month old for half of her waking hours, trying to be a good, healthy, social creature, and dealing with all the errands and running around that normal day-to-day life requires, some how, I’ll find time for all of these appointments too.

Down Time vs. Social Time

I also see very clearly now that there is just not enough down time in my schedule week after week. All of you have been telling me this over and over and over. And I’ve taken it to heart in the past and I’ve honestly made some changes. But it’s still just not enough.

I think showing Celeste a good, healthy, social life is very important. She needs to be around other kids, and not just the 11 other equal aged kids in her daycare class. She needs to see adults with adults and kids of all ages. She needs to experience all the little bits and pieces of life and, while she learns A LOT locked into her little daycare room each day, it’s not the same.

Thankfully for me, being social with Celeste also means being social for myself. And I happen to really enjoy hanging out and conversing with other parents. Sure, we talk about parenting stuff which I’m sure can get boring for non-parents. But, we talk about other stuff too. And we have fun. And we build things. And we make art. And we laugh and drink beer. And these are all good things. And I’m doing them with my daughter in a way that’s good for both of us. So that’s even better.

However this also means that, in my current situation, my non-Celeste time is going to have to be used differently. Planning three different crazy things back to back in one evening just because I happen to have the night off is awesome and welcome and totally needed once in a while. And I’m certainly not cutting alone time with my friends and no kids around out of my life entirely. But not every single day that I happen to have off. That’s just too much. I can’t keep up. And I can’t get anything else done.

For instance, I need to start working out. Not because I want to look better (though I do). Not because I need more energy (even though I do). Not because it will really help with my depression (even though it really will). But because I fully believe that lack of exercise has so many unknown effects on the human body. It could be the very cause of my headaches, in fact. Being healthy and active and filled with energy is important and improves every single aspect of life. I think I owe it to myself.

I need to spend more time at home. Or rather, I need to spend less time driving and less time so far away from home. Being far away from home means I have to plan harder, pack harder, drive more, and stress out more. If that means that I’m mostly confining myself to Frisco, Denton, and McKinney, then so be it. I’ll still venture out to Rowlett, or Plano, or Dallas, or the MidCities, or Keller once every week or two. And of course I’m in Irving and/or Carrollton almost every day for either work or daycare. So there’s plenty of opportunity. But it can’t be the norm any more. And I need to stop doing so to see people that are capable of returning the favor and yet don’t. Because that just adds frustration on top of time consumption.

Staying closer to home, planning less, being ready for impromptu adventures, reading more, relaxing more, and letting life just flow more will reduce stress. And that’s sorely needed these days.

to my health

Jun 22nd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
8 comments

It’s so strange how having a child (or anyone important to you, I imagine) in your care can change the way you look at your entire life.

Specifically, I’m talking about my health. Medical and physical issues have long since been a source of severe irritation and, sometimes, incapacitation. In the past, I’ve been content to just deal with the pain and frustration knowing that, like many things, these too would pass and leave me right where I was. But this is no longer good enough. Every day is important. Every day is critical. Every day matters. A day that I can’t be there for my daughter, and ultimately myself, is, in the best of cases, a day lost and wasted. In the worst of cases, it does more damage than it does good.

I know my issues are plenty, as are the issues of most people in this crazy, twisted society. I certainly don’t intend to blame my health for all of the problems I had in my marriage. But I don’t know that they contributed quite a bit. And, even when they didn’t, my physical health directly affects my mental well being, the effects of which are quite clear.

This weekend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I spent a portion of Saturday night quite sick and all of Sunday trying to recover. I’m grateful that I got to spend father’s day with my daughter. And we had fun and played and laughed quite a bit. However, my general irritability due to not feeling well certainly didn’t make me the best that I could possibly be. I know I need to make room in life for feeling bad, as that’s sort of the way of things as well, this is simply too much.

So, as if I wasn’t concerned about health in general before now, I’m now making a specific effort to take time out for *ME* and to see to my own health so that I can live a longer, happier, life feeling better both for me and for the most important girl in my life: my daughter.

Celeste’s Birthday

Jun 20th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Today is the day of Celeste’s 18 month birthday party. I am so excited for so many reasons.

I love kids in general. But I especially love these kids. Each of these families is close to me in one way or another and being able to see them interact and play together is very special. Especially when Celeste can be there too.

I am also excited to have so many of the people that I care so much about and respect so deeply getting together. Many of the friends I have live scattered about DFW. They all have busy lives, hectic schedules, jobs and obligations. Getting them all in one place at one time is not something that happens too often. Some of them are parents with very different philosophies about raising children but all with the same goal in mind: to raise happy, healthy, well behaved kids with the freedom to be themselves and the respect to let others to do the same. Some of them are not parents but have played a close role in Celeste’s life, nuturing her, loving her, spending time with her, and caring for her as though she were their own.

Today a big piece of my village will come together, even if just for a little while, and I’m proud that Celeste’s birth is the cause for that ocassion.

without transition

Jun 17th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

There will be nights where every light is out and every door is shut and locked and not a soul dare cast his eyes into the darkness in which to find you.

And there will be days where the sun shines bright and warm. Every bird will sing, and every blossom will produce the sweetest of smells released into the coolest of breezes.

And then there will be your suffering. For you will never see the transition between the two. For you, the sun will not rise nor will it set. It will simply be there until it isn’t.

these things

Jun 16th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
11 comments

Fixing Things

My camera is back from Nikon Repair. In case you’re wondering how long it takes, it took 10 days from when I approved the cost to the camera arriving on my doorstep. It took about 4 days from the time I shipped it to their estimate. So, all-in-all, about 2 weeks. Not bad, really.

My media center PC is currently at the Acer repair center. We’ll see how well that goes. I mailed it on June 11th. I got notification that they received it on June 13th. I’m pretty sure it’s just a bad power supply. It’s sad thought that it took 15 email exchanges for them to agree to repair it and only after they suggested I charge the battery which, being a desktop and not a notebook, it doesn’t have. Whatever.

Buying Things

I still want a new bag. A “murse”, if you will. Something that’ll hold diapers and wipes, a sippy cup, a water bottle, a dSLR and a lens, some important papers, a changes of clothes, a book to read, a handful of personal items, and a laptop. Rarely will it need to hold all of that at once. But, it should be able to once in a while. It should be interesting to look at, have lots of pockets, have a durable base, and come in a color other than black. Ideally it would be made out of a more natural material that could then be waterproofed. Ideally it’d also cost less than $100. If you know where to find such an item, please leave a comment. I’ve looked everywhere.

I’ve spent enough time at the pool so far this year that I’m thinking an underwater point-and-shoot digital camera would be a good idea. I have a waterproof bag that I can stuff my dSLR in to. But, all told, it doesn’t work very well. It keeps the camera quite dry, which is the most important part. But the lens port constantly gets in the way of the shot making it very difficult to use and often resulting in bad images. I wish I could attach the lens port to the front of the lens in use. Then it would take care of itself. You hear that, DiCAPac?!

If I get a underwater point-and-shoot I’ll actually just buy a regular, pocket sized camera and then a hard-case underwater housing for it. That way I’ll have one of each for only a little more than what I’d pay for just an underwater camera. See, I’m smart that way. I’m considering the Canon SD1200 because it’s small, inexpensive, and the underwater housing for it is less than $200. But I’d really prefer to have manual exposure available, just in case. Any ideas/suggestions?

To round up the list of things I want to buy, I’m also considering an iPod Touch and a Mac Mini. The original iPhone and Touch could not do what I wanted them to do because they couldn’t do more than one thing at a time. The new iPhone OS 3.0 makes this possible with the Notification API. So, there are quite a few apps I’d like to write and see how well they do. With these two things I should be able to get started.

I’d get an iPhone 3Gs, but AT&T offers bad service, is slow to implement new features, and regularly indicates that they don’t put their customers first. I’d really rather not tie myself to paying them $100/mo for the next two years. That’s just silly. So, iPod Touch it is.

Plans

This weekend is Celeste’s birthday party. There will be roughly 15 kids and 15 adults there. I’m actually a little scared at how it’s all going to turn out but I’m trying to let someone else (my mom in this case) handle something for once and just not worry about it. With my personality, that’s a lot harder than it should be.

Other than that, this week is pretty low key. I’ll probably take Celeste swimming on Wednesday night and again on Friday night because why not? She loves it and so do I. I hope to spend Tuesday catching up on housework and chores and such and maybe spend some time out with friends or at a coffee house reading and writing on Thursday.

An Important Message

According to recent messages that somehow made it into my Inbox, not only is “Enlarging my male tool the best revenge for my ex” but also “my life will be worthwhile if my penis grows a little”. It’s good to know. Such thoughtful strangers to provide me with such valuable information.

with three wide open lanes

Jun 13th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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a day in

a day in

Writing really is theraputic, so I think I’ll keep it up.

Last night was a nice break. I got to hang out and let go with some new people and that’s really needed every now and then. Other people ended up staying later than I did but I just decided I was ready to go so I went. I’ve gotten much better in social situations recently, but, after a while I still get a little uncomfortable.

I was trying to explain this last night. The best social scenario for me is between 4 and 10 people in someone’s home. Don’t get me wrong, the crazy rockin’ party now and again is a blast too. But, over all, I’d prefer it laid back, casual, and intimate.

Maybe I’m just getting old.

As soon as I left Denton I realized I should have stayed a bit on the square and took some photographs. The light was beautiful and I wanted coffee anyways. But, by that time I was already half way home and didn’t want to turn back. So I went to starbucks, worked on a few things, and then did some late night shopping.

When I got home sometime after 11pm, the neighbors were outside having a few drinks so I joined them. We had some interesting conversations about spirituality and child rearing and personality types. I’m slowly starting to find the peace I once had within myself in regard to who I am and where I am going that I some how lost over the last 5 or 6 years. It’s nice to be “back” but I’m not pushing it too hard for fear that I’ll land on the other extreme.

I ended up in bed sometime after 1am and up before 7am, of course. I’m grateful for my internal clock though. It keeps me even most of the time, even if it refuses to let me sleep in when I can.

It’s so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one’s head?

So, what I’m trying to say is…
What (What?) I’m trying to tell you is…
Not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause
I know you’ll only change it.

(Say it.)

I’ve been sorting out some things online for a few hours now and telling myself that it’s time to get my ass in gear for at least 30 minutes now. I need to get showered and dressed. Then I’ll pack a FULL bag for the day for Celeste and I, because I’m not entirely certain where we’ll be later tonight or how much stuff I’ll need. Once that stuff is squared away, I’ll do as much housework as I can before I need to leave at 11:30am. Then pick up Celeste and head out for a play date with a good friend and a new friend and their kids.

I practically live out of my car some days (like today) because this metroplex is too damn big. So I bring everything I could imagine needing and just scrounge food whereever I can find some. If I could just have a place to sleep, a place to eat, and a few belongings tucked away in each corner of this GIANT city, life might be a lot easier and involve a lot less driving. Anyone have a spare room? Ha.

Tomorrow’s still up in the air too. I thought about going to church, because I really miss it and the community and family values it fosters. But, I’m not entirely sure that I’m ready to put Celeste in the onsite childcare during the service, and keeping her in the foyer is not really fun for either of us. Regardless, I’m sure there will be swimming involved at some point tomorrow. We have an awesome pool here and Celeste LOVES the water and loves playing in the sand. We could stay there for hours.

The photo in this post is really not related to anything here. Just something fun I took recently that I felt like sharing.

a time bomb! In my mind, Mom!

Jun 12th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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Last night was terrible.

It all stems from my inability to remain calm when there are two opposing yet equally important wishes or needs to be carried out with a deadline rapidly approaching.

Of course everything is different in hindsight. I see now that the deadline was really more of a suggestion. And erasing the deadline made one of the opposing ideas nearly disappear. If I’d had seen that last night things would have been a lot easier. I would have seen that last night if I would have been able to remain calm. But the deadline approaching is like a time bomb ticking in my ear.

“I’ve got a time bomb. In my mind, Mom.
I hear it ticking and I don’t know why.”

(The story of the song is not really fitting to me, but that piece out of context certainly is. As well as a bit from the chorus.)

I guess I finally did see it last night. But by the time I did I was so exhausted from the battle to get there that I just went to bed. At like 9:30. And, for good measure I didn’t get up until 6:30.

Those who know me will understand that 9 hours of sleep is a really, REALLY long time for me.

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