My parents and my sister came over to my place today. My sister came in order to do a favor for my neighbor. When I told my parents she was coming, they decided to come too at the last minute.
It was nice to have people over. I realized that it’s been quite a while since I had guests, which is a real shame because I keep a clean house, I love having people over, and I enjoy entertaining. So, I’m going to make a point of personally inviting people over more often. At least until people decline enough to make me realize why I stopped inviting people over in the first place.
The strange thing about having my parents over is that there is the odd vibe between my mom, my sister, and I. I could be inventing this entirely, of course, but I don’t think that’s the case. My mom could have come over whenever she wanted yet, instead, she arrived at the same time as my sister. Since they were coming from the same place, that sort of makes sense.
She could have left whenever she wanted to as well, but she left when my sister did. I had told them that my nieces could go swimming if they wanted to. My dad even packed them a swim bag and everything. But, my mom decided she just didn’t feel like it. I even offered to take them on my own if she just wanted to hang out in the house while we went. But still “no”. She said she had some photo editing to get back to. And I’m sure she did. But I don’t know how many weekends I’ve spent at her place with them at her urging when I had plenty of stuff to get back to my own house. So, my guess is that either really is THAT selfish, or there is something else going on. I’m thinking the latter.
I’ve always gotten the impression that she regards me as somewhat lesser of a person than other people. I’m not sure if it’s because she actually thinks less of me, or because of something specific that I’ve done to her, or because I’m technically her step-child. But I always feel like any time she spends with me — especially time spent at my house — is really putting her out. And I don’t get that same impression when it comes to my sister (her daughter) or my step-brother (her son). But I do get that impression in regard to my brother (her step-son).
Then again, it may have nothing to do with any of that and may actually be a product of my personality. I’m a bend-over-backwards kind of guy. Especially when it comes to people that I feel obligated to in some way — like my parents. I think that this often leads people to believe that I am weak, or that I should be taken for granted or taken advantage of. It happens often. And usually I just take it, because, like I said, I’m a bend-over-backwards kind of guy. But eventually I just stop. And it’s often sort of abrupt when I do. And I really don’t want it to get to that point with my mom.
I once spoke to a counsellor about this. She said I should confront my mom and tell her exactly what I am feeling. Of course, she also was the one who told me to do what I was doing that Jess later indicated drove her further away, so I’m not really sure if her advice should be trusted.
I’ll probably never really know. It just makes me sad to have to feel it.