Chiggers! The Internet is chock full of misinformation on these little buggers describing them as everything from blood sucking insects, to skin chewing spiders, to flesh dissolving larvae. Getting rid of them is equally as misinformed. Remedies include clear nail polish, rubbing the bites with gasoline, yeast infection cream, hemorrhoid cream, and a mixture of salt and Crisco. Even the description regarding why they itch varies. Accounts range from the things still being alive under your skin and eating away, to the itch being caused by a feeding tube they insert into your body. Other accounts cite the same feeding tube, but indicate that your body grows the tube as a reaction to whatever it is the Chigger is doing to you.
This much I know for sure: I’ve never seen a Chigger. One could walk up to me and offer to shake my hand and I wouldn’t know it. I’m a nice guy. I might even shake his back. So for me, and I’m assuming most people as well, Chiggers aren’t defined by the bug, or the bite, but rather, but the insane itching about the ankles, groin, and waist line.
One of my favorite things to do when trying to keep my mind off of how badly the bites itch is to seek out new folklore and home remedies for the nasty bites. Every now and then, just for fun, I try one of the remedies, just for something to do. Since the descriptions of Chiggers, the reasons for the itch, and the remedies all differ so greatly, there’s really no reason to apply any science at all to the claims. Instead, I’m working on blind faith in the human social machine. “Old Wives Tales” start somewhere… and I’m seeking that nugget of truth.
SCIENCE: This time around I’m trying Ammonia. That’s right. Just pure, plain, so strong it’ll knock you down, ammonium hydroxide, aka NH3 in water, aka Household Ammonia. Just put a little on a paper towel, plug your nose, and rub. For my own safety, and the heightened potential for future children, I’m adhering to the caution to “avoid personal areas” with this remedy.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Initial reports 5 minutes after application indicate that it doesn’t hurt at all, but also doesn’t seem to help in anyway. Additionally, accidental application of Ammonia to non-chigger related red spots, especially those where the skin has been torn thanks to the thick, thorny, Texas underbrush result in great amounts of burning and desire for death.