little to see
This morning, I am just blah. I feel like I’m not doing enough or being enough of anything. Despite having more of it, I feel like my time with Celeste is more rushed and less interesting. I feel the same for what little time I have for myself. I have so much I want to do, and yet I feel like what I get done is mostly mindless administration.
I am working to improve the quality of the time I have, both with myself and with my daughter. I am working on making the administration important and meaningful and memorable, even if that means that everything takes twice as long. Simple things like cooking a meal, or cleaning a floor, or a walk around the block can be an amazing shared experience when taken that way and treasured.
I am learning to appreciate every moment of life. I am learning to cherish every second I have with my daughter, no matter what it is we’re doing. I am learning to take in every laugh, every smile, and every sip of wine shared with a friend and hold it just a little bit longer. I am learning to respect the things I don’t understand without requiring them to picked apart into pieces. I am learning to cherish what I have in front of me without falling prey to my own sadness for that which I do not have. I am learning to improve what I do have without ruining the essence of what it is. Those last two are really difficult. I am still learning. I will be forever learning. That’s really what makes us who we are.
I don’t need a post-it note on my back to remind me of this. I don’t need it written in the shower fog on my mirror in the morning. If I have something to remember, I write it on my hand so that I see it as I’m doing. But it’d be even better if it came from a friend ready to share in that next lesson.