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September, 2009:

electronic sedation

Sep 15th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
2 comments

I don’t watch much TV, really. But, still, I feel like it’s starting to play too big of a role in my life. After a long day of work and chores and meeting the demands of other people, I put Celeste down for bed and, often, as was the case last night, I fall asleep doing so. An hour or so later I wake up again with an hour or two ahead of me before I need to go to sleep. I have no problem giving myself those few hours. But, what I do with them is important and they greatly influence the rest of the hours of each day.

This should be a time to pay bills, read a good book, prepare ingredients for the next day’s supper, fold laundry, call a friend, edit photos, enjoy a cup of tea, stare into the night’s sky, clean something, exercise, or work on one of my many ongoing projects. More often than not, I find myself too tired to consider any of those things and I turn to what basically amounts to electronic sedation: the television. At least I watch good TV. In moderation that would be okay. But as it slowly becomes a daily thing I can feel my energy levels dropping day after day. Worse yet, I usually snack while doing it. Which means I’ve gained a little of all that weight I lost back.

I slept all night last night, didn’t wake hardly at all, and yet I’m exhausted this morning. Last night I just wanted to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling instead of laughing and playing and dancing and enjoying time with my daughter. I almost managed to convince myself to not get up this morning, and just sleep another hour or so. So I’ll drink coffee and take medicine and eventually make it through today, but tomorrow will be the same story if I don’t stop the pattern now.

So I’m going to have to impose some artificial limits on myself until my natural moderation kicks back in. I’m happy to provide specifics to those interested. Feel free to offer silly, serious, or sexy award for my success. It helps more than I can express.

first train home, I’ve got to get on it

Sep 14th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments
finer details

finer details

It’s saddening and maddening to realize that, these days, nearly every frustration I face is merely a byproduct of a time and work based society without control over our own timeline. Our ancestors did not face these stresses. At one point did we become so dependent on progress that we failed to realize that what we have now is worth living.?

My three step manifesto is going well. I had one failure with #3, but I’ve since course corrected.

C’s mom and I have a new schedule we’re trying with her in the hopes of offering both her and us some more stability. So with the exception of one day a week (Tuesday) and the weekends (which are always wildcards whether I get to spend time with my daughter or not) my days with and without her are now set and are the same every week. I’m slowly picking out what’s going to work best for us. I think that Sunday nights, the only “school night” on which I never have Celeste, will be reserved for me-time. So I’ll put no requirement whatsoever on myself to keep with with any obligations outside of the bare minimum. And I think I’ll reserve Tuesday, the only alternating “school night” for larger projects at home — crafts, cleaning, shampoo making, etc. It’ll make it easier for me to have a set day to postpone larger jobs to in order to help me forget about them and enjoy the rest of the week. And for really large jobs that Celeste can’t help with, I’m only ever, at most, two weeks away. Otherwise they consume me.

This new schedule isn’t the best ever. But it’s certainly a big step in the right direction. As has always been the case with changes like this, I’m now struggling with figuring out how I’m going to manage it all and still put in the time required of me at work. One day at a time, I’m getting out of this.

If I didn’t have the back and forth with Celeste to adhere to, I really think we’d be better off and far happier in a tiny little town with enough land to keep a few chickens, a few goats, and a small garden. Especially if I could find a like minded person or two to share the work load with. Ideally, I’d have a big enough property to put 4 or 5 small houses on with some interesting common areas.

Panic is setting in about our trip to New York / Vermont. Not so much that I won’t be able to make it, but that I won’t be able to live up to the expectations that others are no doubt placing on this trip. I, for instance, have things I’d like to do that have nothing to do with any of my family there. They can come, of course, but it’s more for Celeste and I. I’m worried that our “schedule” will be too much for others to handle. I’ve already gotten two cases of stress. The first was me telling my mom that I was going straight to my grandmothers when we got off the plane. I asked her if she could have dinner for us so that we could see her sooner (knowing she’d want that) and she said that we were getting in too late for her to eat. So then I told her that we’d stop somewhere on the way in and go straight to my grandmas to unpack, say hello, bathe, and get to bed, to which she objected because she wants to see us right away. After I agreed to stop at her place and pick her up for an hour or so and then bring her home, she objected because she wanted to stay at my grandma’s until Celeste went to bed, not realizing how late that might be and not understanding that, once Celeste goes to sleep I won’t be able to leave until she wakes up again.

Ugh. I think I should stop being so prolific. I don’t think anyone actually reads all of this anyway.

success is measured in happiness

Sep 12th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

I talk about change a lot here. It’s not because I’m unhappy. It’s just that I always see ways to make things better. I am a perfectionist, of sorts, but I’ve revised my thoughts there with the understanding that performance and tangible success is not always the best measure of happiness and yet, happiness is the premier measurement of success.

So here we are. It’s time for some more change. These changes are only based on theory though. So they aren’t really changes… they are trials. After one week, I’ll make sure I’m on the right track.

So here are my three goals:

#1) Exercize every day. EVERY day. At least 30 minutes. No excuses.

#2) Send individual invitations instead of inviting in bulk.

#3) Base relationships on their current status, not what they could be or what I want them to be.

Dreaming of Alligators

Sep 11th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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snap snap

snap snap

Last night I had a disturbing dream. This always seems to happen when I can’t find a way to get comfortable in bed.

I was talking on the phone with Emily. Celeste and I had just been some place and Emily was mentioning that there was another place near where we were that served tea that might be fun to visit with the kids one day. So, Celeste and I were taking a walk though a small park that joined the two in order to go check it out.

As I walked through the park I was holding Celeste in one arm and still talking to Emily. I looked over through some trees to the right at a pond and saw an Alligator there, just coming out of the water. Before I could run he snapped at us catching Celeste’s left leg in his jaws just below the knee.

Here’s where it gets even stranger. The alligator didn’t bite all the way through. In fact, if he would just open his mouth she would more than likely have nothing more than a few puncture wounds that would heal quickly. So I was holding Celeste with an Alligator attached to her leg and had a choice to make. I could kick at him, maybe getting him to let go, or maybe pissing him off so much that he attacks us again, this time, no doubt, much worse. I could pull Celeste out of his mouth, more than likely leaving her leg seriously damaged and then run like hell. Or I could just wait to see what he does next, hoping that he opens his mouth and leaves us alone.

This scenario is how I see almost every difficult choice I have to make. And similar choices are currently at the forefront of my mind.

In my dream, the last part of it, from the bite onward, continued to repeat itself. Each time I’d try something a little bit different. The outcome was never good. In one scenario, we managed to break free from the Alligator only to find his friend waiting a few seconds down the path. However, in my dream, waiting it out was never attempted. Trusting the Alligator was simply not an option.

Texas Coast: Day 4

Sep 11th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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(This is Texas Coast Day 4, Saturday, September 6th.)

Kids and Dogs

Kids and Dogs

The plan was to go to a park, then take a nap, then have lunch, then go to a petting zoo, then have dinner.

Breakfast was had but by the time everyone was ready to go, it was already time for lunch. So we went to get some food. Afterwards we stopped at the grocery store, took the scenic route through Beaumont home, and then put Celeste down for a nap.

Celeste and Gumbo

Celeste and Gumbo

When she woke I got her ready to go to the petting zoo, but when we got there it was a sad sight to see. There was hardly anyone there, only a couple of sad animals in very small cages plus ponies that walked in circles. So, we decided it wasn’t worth it, and went to the park instead. It was particularly hot that day, so our trip to the park ended quickly.

We made one last stop at the grocery store and then went back home.

Lots of people came over that night for dinner and good times. Celeste swam in the back yard pool, and really enjoyed the Gumbo that was made. We all stayed up late to watch Bonnie spin fire and then sat and talked late into the evening while the toddlers had a dance party in the living room.

All in all, a good day.

Texas Coast: Day 3

Sep 8th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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(This is Texas Coast Day 3, Saturday, September 5th.)

The bucket

The bucket

We started the day out with some breakfast cooked at Justin’s Mom’s house where we were staying. After breakfast, we headed out to an Alligator Farm. We saw Crocodiles, Alligators, Cayman, Snakes and Turtles. A tour guide gave a nice long talk about the animals and even let us touch them. We left the tour because it was rather long and everyone was getting antsy. We were going to eat on site, but the wait was too long so we picked up some BBQ to eat back at the house.

The pink chair on the shore

The pink chair on the shore

After Celeste’s nap we headed back to the beach. This time we’d be meeting lots of other people there. There were 5 toddlers in all and the beach was full of cars and people. I dug a hole in the sand to serve as a private toddler ocean being continuously refilled by the oncoming waves. Celeste had a blast looking for seashells, rolling in the sand, playing in the waves, and walking down the beach and dancing yo other people’s music. She particularly enjoys Tejano.

As the sun was setting and we’d had our fill of sun and sand we packed up and headed back to home base, stopping at dairy queen for a quick meal.

Texas Coast: Day 2

Sep 6th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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Celeste watching Poi

Celeste watching Poi

(Since I’m now a day behind, I’d better include dates to keep things clear. This is Texas Coast Day 2, Friday, September 4th.)

We started our day with an awesome breakfast. Then did some grocery shopping, visited some people including three adorable toddlers, and then came home for a nap.

After nap, we headed out to the beach for a late afternoon / early evening swim. Celeste loved it. She didn’t open her eyes underwater, was not afraid of the waves, and had a blast looking for seashells, watching the birds, and playing in the sand. When it got dark enough, Bonnie spun Poi on the beach and Celeste watched in awe. It was a LOT darker out than this photo makes it look. Bonnie loaned me her Canon G9 which I had on a tripod and took a 1 second exposure to capture this.

I got bit up pretty bad by mosquitoes in the last 15 minutes before we left. 20 bites or so in all. I’m usually almost immune to them. Celeste, who was in my arms, didn’t get any bites at all. So I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Instead of going with the flow, I was starting to get stressed out about sand and baths and dinners and drives and all of those other things. I tend to be a beacon of peace and anti-stress… until I’m not. It’s like a lightswitch. At any rate, in the middle of all that stress Celeste, who probably sensed it, bit me. And then shortly there after the mosquito attack happened. So, with all of that together, I was in full blown panic mode, which is not good.

Aside from not quite being curvy enough, Justin was a good surrogate wife for the evening, though. He calmed me down, made some jokes, and had fun with Celeste until I got back to my usual self. We sat down for a good dinner, Celeste discovered a love for Ranch dressing, and then we headed home.

A good day, all in all, despite my panic attack.

Texas Coast: Day 1

Sep 4th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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Hiking in Huntsville

Hiking in Huntsville

The trip out wasn’t bad at all. Much better than I had feared. I picked Celeste up around 10am and we arrived in Beaumont just before 6pm. She only slept for about 45 minutes of the trip. We stopped for lunch in Corsicana, for an hour or so of hiking in Huntsville, and a handful of additional times for diaper changes, refuelings, and toy fetchings. Celeste really didn’t get cranky until the last 45 minutes or so.

Huntsville State Park is beautiful. Well, I didn’t see all of it. But the bits I did see were beautiful. Even now, the weather was nice enough to enjoy it. In a month or so, it’ll be perfect.

After settling in and playing with puppies and such, we headed out for dinner with a bunch of friends. Then we came back for a bit more play, bathtime, and such.

Celeste was acting a bit strange last night. Most likely because of the lack of a nap and the new environment. She didn’t want to take a bath. Cried the whole time. I’d normally just go with the flow and skip it, but I didn’t know how early we were leaving and she really needed a bath. Putting her down for bed was a huge fight, too. She was clearly cranky, so I brought her to bed like I usually do. Only this time she wanted nothing to do with it. Ordinally, I’d just let her stay up longer. But she was being cranky even when I told her that if she stopped we could go into the living room.

I had to be really stern with her and tell her that I needed her to stop and I needed her to stop RIGHT NOW. Finally, she said “okay” and, with a few little whines here and there, the crankies turned off like a light switch.

We watched a show about the building of the Grand Canyon Sky Walk on NatGeo and she fell asleep in my arms on the rocking chair. She only woke up once in the night. I was worried she’d wake the whole house. But, after 5 minutes or so, she went back to sleep.

Today’s plans are undetermined. A little grocery shopping, maybe some hiking, and some friends to see. Then, perhaps an Alligator Farm or a late night trip to the beach.

getting clean, the coop way

Sep 2nd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

Many of you may not know this, but I make my own shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and household cleanser. Well, not entirely, I use base materials, of course. And I scent with essential oils. In the end I end up with something all natural, non-toxic, kid safe, and as organic as possible.

When it comes to everything but the household cleaner, I get my base materials from North Texas Coop run by a good friend of mine. The base materials are dirt cheap and the products are very good. Plus, because we order in bulk we can reuse containers which is a nice save for the environment.

For my shampoo and body soap, I use a combination of Sandalwood, Tea Tree Oil, and Ylang Ylang. Smells wonderful. For handsoap, I use sweet orange, and ylang ylang. For shampoo and body soap for Celeste, I use Geranium and Lavender. For household cleanser, I use Lemongrass. You can, of course, use whatever you want.

At any rate, it’s wonderful, I save a lot of money, and it’s fun and easy to do.

I’m writing this here now because you might be interested in joining us. We’re just about to place an order. So, if you want in, speak up now. Otherwise you’ll have to wait 3 more months. This order is for Shampoo/Body Gel/Hand Soap and Conditioner only. $2 for 8oz and you have to bring your own containers.

Let me know. Quick! I’ll even share my essential oils with you, if you’re nice.

it’s not science, it’s chiggers!

Sep 1st, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
9 comments

Chiggers! The Internet is chock full of misinformation on these little buggers describing them as everything from blood sucking insects, to skin chewing spiders, to flesh dissolving larvae. Getting rid of them is equally as misinformed. Remedies include clear nail polish, rubbing the bites with gasoline, yeast infection cream, hemorrhoid cream, and a mixture of salt and Crisco. Even the description regarding why they itch varies. Accounts range from the things still being alive under your skin and eating away, to the itch being caused by a feeding tube they insert into your body. Other accounts cite the same feeding tube, but indicate that your body grows the tube as a reaction to whatever it is the Chigger is doing to you.

This much I know for sure: I’ve never seen a Chigger. One could walk up to me and offer to shake my hand and I wouldn’t know it. I’m a nice guy. I might even shake his back. So for me, and I’m assuming most people as well, Chiggers aren’t defined by the bug, or the bite, but rather, but the insane itching about the ankles, groin, and waist line.

One of my favorite things to do when trying to keep my mind off of how badly the bites itch is to seek out new folklore and home remedies for the nasty bites. Every now and then, just for fun, I try one of the remedies, just for something to do. Since the descriptions of Chiggers, the reasons for the itch, and the remedies all differ so greatly, there’s really no reason to apply any science at all to the claims. Instead, I’m working on blind faith in the human social machine. “Old Wives Tales” start somewhere… and I’m seeking that nugget of truth.

SCIENCE: This time around I’m trying Ammonia. That’s right. Just pure, plain, so strong it’ll knock you down, ammonium hydroxide, aka NH3 in water, aka Household Ammonia. Just put a little on a paper towel, plug your nose, and rub. For my own safety, and the heightened potential for future children, I’m adhering to the caution to “avoid personal areas” with this remedy.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Initial reports 5 minutes after application indicate that it doesn’t hurt at all, but also doesn’t seem to help in anyway. Additionally, accidental application of Ammonia to non-chigger related red spots, especially those where the skin has been torn thanks to the thick, thorny, Texas underbrush result in great amounts of burning and desire for death.

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