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December, 2009:

Christmas, et al

Dec 26th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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Having a White Christmas in Texas is a mixed bag of good and bad. It’s good for all the obvious reasons (snow! Christmas! etc!) but bad because, in Texas, snow doesn’t just mean snow. It means ice, bad drivers, accidents, road closures, and travel delays and cancellations.

Christmas Eve, Celeste and I didn’t quite make it to our friends house as we had planned. Sure, I have AWD. Sure I could have made it. But after hearing reports of over 300 accident reports in Fort Worth alone, it was no longer the ice, the snow, or my vehicle that I was concerned about. It was all those other drivers. So we stayed put at my mom’s house despite the fact that everyone else had left for church/other festivities.

Christmas was awesome. Despite Celeste never taking a nap worth mentioning and having more sugar in one day than any 2 year old should be allowed in her entire second year, she did quite well. Yeah, she was cranky from time to time toward the end, but, I’m getting quite good at offsetting it.

She loved all of her gifts. The biggest hits were the play kitchen my parents got her, the piggy bank my sister got her, and the playsilks that I got her. I thought the wooden cars and trees that Santa got her would be a big hit too, but she hasn’t given them a second glance yet.

The only odd, strange, unpredictable aspect of Christmas was, once again, my parents. At some point in the not too distant past they decided that immediately following Christmas they’d be taking a vacation to Arkansas to photograph the many waterfalls of the Buffalo River, a worthwhile adventure by any account. But they decided to do so and the hell with anything else.

Celeste’s birthday is today (the 26th). It was going to be celebrated today. We were going to spend one more night at my mom’s and celebrate it over there, saving them and my sister a trip out, and ensuring that my brother would come. My mom, instead, suddenly pushed very hard to have it after dinner on Christmas evening citing that they wanted to get a head start on their vacation. So… that’s exactly what we did. Almost immediately following cake and presents we were — though never specifically stated — kicked out of the house.

It was a mad dash, without reason, to pack up all of our stuff, get it all in the car, and get out on the road. Celeste was crying. Everyone was far too busy to help with anything because they were all packing up their stuff too. I’m glad that C’s mom decided to spend Christmas afternoon with us, for all the obvious reasons of having her there for Celeste on Christmas day but also to help soothe her as everything turned to chaos.

Ideally, I’d have stayed at my mom’s a few more hours and drove back in the evening when Celeste would have slept. Would have made it easier to unload the car and I hate making her take 1 hour road trips to and from when I don’t have to.

All in all it worked out fine, of course, I just don’t particularly care for the the unexpected scramble, nor do I tolerate it very well. I kept imagining myself with a friend/partner who could say “Daniel, calm down!” in the nicest way possible to help keep me even instead of all stressed out. Yeah, I know I should be more “independent” than that, and I do okay on my own. But, I’ve always believed that the true power of a team was based in the ability to rely on each others strengths in order to help cover or improve each others weaknesses. Yes, some of you dream of being rockstars, super models, pimp daddys, and race car drivers. Not me. I just dream of being unstressed, of breathing fresh air, and of laughing as much as possible.

No Christmas recap would be complete without a list of Christmas booty (unfortunately, there was no Christmas “Bootie” to be had, but that can wait for another day). I got a shopvac from my sister, which I am very excited about. I got a netbook from my parents which will hopefully make travel with the kiddo and updating new thoughts and photos a little easier (I’m typing this on it right now). I got a pretty candle/decorative thing from my brother. Celeste loves little decorations, especially those that hold candles, so I’m sure this will be a hit. I also got a nice little pile of random stocking stuffs from that fat guy in a red suit. More than anything I’m excited about all of Celeste’s gifts and eager to see her play with them and watch her imagination create new uses for them.

Merry Christmas to you all. May you find your own life filled with many blessings during this coming year and may you offer even more blessing to those you love and care about.

Still deciding

Dec 24th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

I’ve managed to take one item off the list of possible Christmas plans and yet I’ve added another. So here it is, Christmas Eve, and I’m still making up my mind. Yeah, everything works out this way for me. It’s a curse.

I’m not going to my brothers. That amounted to the most work for the least benefit.

However, a friend (Hi, Skwid!) has offered an invitation to their Christmas festivities. There will even be another kid there and several other friends.

Staying home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning just doesn’t sound ideal. Several of you wrote to say that doing your own thing in your own home with your own kids is the nicest way to spend the holiday. And, in principal, I’d agree. But my situation makes that less desirable. If we only leave gifts under the tree for which there is someone present to receive it, then every gift will be for Celeste, either from me, from a few long distance family members, or from some fat guy in a red coat and silly hat. There are no other kids here. There are no other adults here. And Celeste isn’t old enough to have made or bought me anything on her own. Anyone else that could have helped her do so didn’t. Or at least, if they did, I don’t know about it and the gift isn’t here to open. While I’m a big fan of making our own traditions and having our own little life, I don’t ever want Christmas to amount to a tower of gifts in front of a child and nothing more. Because, to me, that’s not what Christmas is about at all.

To me Christmas is supposed to be about family (chosen and inherited), friendship, and togetherness. It’s supposed to be about giving, and sharing, and believing. It’s supposed to be about hope, and rebirth. The best way to make that happen is to spend it with people that care about us and that want us around.

My parents (well, my dad anyway. my mom still isn’t talking to me) have said, “come whenever you want”. And while that may seem ideal and certainly is from a “cram the most into two days as possible” standpoint, I want to feel wanted. That doesn’t make me feel wanted. Christmas in the past has always been at my parent’s and it has always been mandatory. There was simply no doubt about where everyone was going to be on Christmas day. If you had other stuff going on, that was fine, but you’d better show up and you’d better be there a lot. I liked it that way. Between me spending every other Christmas in Canada with my ex-wife, my older brother moving to Vermont, my sister desiring to have Christmas in her new home the year she bought it, and my brother having to share his kid with his ex-wife on the holidays, the ritual was strained. It could have lasted anyway. Because it was NEVER about WHERE we met, only about who we were meeting with and why. But, all of that fell through the cracks.

I put a lot of importance on ritual: with family and friends, in our day to day lives, and in my own spirituality. This is part of what makes living my life so special to me but also what makes it so difficult from time to time. If I didn’t, then these days would just be ordinary days like any other day and it wouldn’t matter nearly as much what we did or who we saw or whether everything worked out in an ideal fashion. I give Celeste gifts all the time. And we spend time with people all the time. And we spend many, many, many days and nights home together alone. And these days should be no different. Except they are.

So, all of this means that spending time with friends on Christmas Eve is really the best possible option. Friends that have gone out of their way to make sure that we know we’re invited and very welcome. It is, sadly, also the most difficult. Since I’d rather not have Celeste wake up in our empty house on Christmas morning this means that I’d have to drive out to my parent’s house late that night after Christmas Eve festivities, get our room ready for sleeping, put a toddler to bed, unpack a car full of gifts, and then get myself settled in. Or, go to my parent’s house earlier, set everything up, then head out for a lovely Christmas Eve, then head back.

So, in the midst of this pile of wrapping paper and ribbon and tape and too many cups of tea, I’m trying to figure out a plan of action that’s actually going to work, involve the least amount of driving, leave me with the least amount of stress and, most of all, let Celeste have the best possible time.

it must be Christmas

Dec 22nd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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I can tell it’s Christmas by the sounds of arguing from within my family. It happens every year. There’s always something to go wrong. This year I guess it’s my fault. Or rather, I’m the one with the problem. I want to spend Christmas with my family: inherited and chosen. This isn’t completely possible, of course, because so many people have so many plans. But, at least I try. And that’s what I’m doing: trying to get as many people in one place as possible.

This is the first Christmas Celeste will really remember. I’m trying to make it really nice for her and it seems like my family is doing everything they can to combat that.

For starters, I flat out told my mom that I hadn’t completely decided how I was going to do the “Santa” story with Celeste but that, whatever it was, her mom and I would work it out together so that we had the same idea. So, the next time my mom got Celeste alone, she told her only two things about Christmas: 1) Santa says “HO HO HO” and 2) Santa brings you new toys. Skip over the spirit of giving, all of the fun folk lore, the idea that Santa brings every kid toys, and just focus on the worst aspect of it all: “Santa brings new toys”.

But that’s just an annoyance more than anything. My mom has also decided she’s not speaking to me. Or, rather, speaking to me as little as possible so as to not seem like she’s doing the whole “I’m not talking to you” thing. On top of that, my mom and my brother live 15 minutes from each other. Of all of us, they live the closest. Yet they are the two deciding to be stubborn and unwilling to leave their own houses Christmas morning or Christmas eve. So, no matter what, I can have one or the other, but not both, even though neither of them have anyone else coming over unless Celeste and I show up. I really wanted Celeste to enjoy Christmas with family around, including her cousin and her grandparents. But, my family is making it difficult.

These are my options, I think:

1) Spend Christmas Eve/Morning at my brother’s house. His son will be gone from 5pm to 9pm on Christmas Eve which means it’ll just be Celeste and him and I for a big chunk of the evening. Then, when his son gets home, we can leave out some cookies and such and then do the whole Christmas thing in the morning. Then, we’d go to my mom’s house and he’d go do a few other things and eventually show up there himself.

2) Spend Christmas Eve/Morning at my mom’s house. My sister won’t be there for Christmas Eve. And my mom isn’t talking to me. So, it’d basically just be Celeste and my Dad and I. Then in the morning my sister would be there. And then, later still in the morning, my brother would show up. This is slightly better because Celeste will have grandparents and an aunt and uncle there, but slightly worse because she won’t have any other kids to enjoy it with.

3) Spend Christmas Eve at our house and show up to my mom’s house on Christmas Day when my brother does. This is slightly better because we can have our own traditions and our own house and I can really make it special for Celeste in whatever way I believe to be best. But this is a lot worse because it’ll just be her and I for most of it and I really want to to be about togetherness.

I know I’m making this into more than it needs to be. It just frustrates me, that’s all. I think, more than anything, I hate having to beg people to spend time with me, and hate even more to have to beg people to spend time with my daughter, and yet that’s exactly what I feel like I’m doing.

visible tattoos

Dec 7th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

I am nearly ready for my second tattoo (sort of my first, if you think like I do).

At any rate, I’d really like this one to be in a less hidden place. Yet, at the same time, I worry greatly about employability. I do have a daughter to care for after all. And money isn’t everything, but it sure helps.

So I ask all of you…

Have visible tattoos ever affected your ability to get a job, keep a job, earn a fair wage, or receive proper service from various establishments?

Even if it didn’t happen to you, have you ever seen someone discriminated against because of a visible tattoo?

I’m probably going to do it anyway. My left forearm. But… I’d like to hear out both sides before committing.