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health

I’m fat

Dec 7th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
1 comment

I’m fat. Yeah, I’m just figuring this out now. I guess I’m slow too.

It’s not serious. But it’s borderline. No. Fuck it, it’s serious.

Most importantly, I simply don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I look dressed and I really don’t like the way I look naked. Well except for that part, of course. Rowr.

There was a point in time that I liked the shape of my body. I liked the amount of muscle and fat I had. I liked being able to follow each vein in my forearms. That was a long time ago. That was over 40 pounds ago. I loved those veins. I want them back.

The hardest part to admit was that I have bad eating habits. Well I do. There. I admit it.

My problem is not beer or alcohol. It’s not overly large, calorie filled meals. It’s not because I eat unhealthy food. It’s not because my meals are too high in fat or carbs. It’s because I snack. And when I snack, not only is it usually not healthy food, it’s usually in quantities above what should constitute a snack. Waaaaaay above. I could eat an entire bag of peanut M&Ms. One of the big ones. In one sitting. I’m not even kidding.

I didn’t always snack like this. And when I didn’t, despite far worse eating habits and much less exercise and the same office job, I wasn’t overweight.

I finally figured it out. I snack because, oddly, I’m doing nothing else. And the reason I’m doing nothing else is because I’m far too stressed out about the “what”s and “how”s of the things I should/could be doing to actually commit to doing them.

So, because all the little pieces trigger each other, the solution requires all three things to be accounted for. Fun, huh?

So here we go.

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL…
Don’t suggest I see a professional. I will ignore you at best, yell at you if I’m stressed, or send you photos of the above mentioned naked body if I’m feeling frisky.

Nutritionists, personal trainers, cuddle therapists, massage therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, Swedish massage professionals, and exotic dancers: if you have something you’d like to offer for free, I’ll take it — email me right away! Don’t delay!

But I’m not going to confuse and upset other aspects of the equation and throw money at the problem when, at this stage, I can clearly define the goals on my own. I’m a smart guy. I can figure it out.

  • Thighs jiggle, need less fat.
  • Couch dented, need more exercise.
  • Arms like Jello, need more muscle.
  • Can’t see feet, need smaller belly.

As I move forward, if I find I have more specific goals beyond “increase” and “reduce” then I’ll seek professional help to reach those goals if I it’s not something I can reach on my own.

GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…
So you might be asking, how you can help. Well, have I got a deal for you.

I need encouragement, positive reinforcement, accountability, support, and rewards for progress at both big and small milestones. All of this, of course, has to come from me. If I have to rely on anyone else to make this happen, then, chances are, it won’t. But patting myself on the back gets boring after a while.

If you’ve got a some encouraging words, nice thoughts to send you’d certainly make it easier on me. If you’ve got a reward to offer it’ll give me something to look forward to. Hugs, cuddles, words of praise, fabricated certificates, photos of you in a silly hat, lewd photos of you, lewd photos of you in a silly hat, you tube videos of you doing the roger rabbit, promises to wear T-shirts exclaiming “Daniel is my God” are all acceptable forms of reward. Be creative. Make me work for it.

I could also use a Yoga teacher (anyone who knows more than me), a running partner, a hiking partner, a sex partner, and an exercise partner. You know, all in the interest of health. Serious inquiries only.

So what’s in it for you? Aside from my appreciation, reciprocation, dedication, and proclamation of your amazingness, you’ll be entitled to free certificates from the “oh my god daniel is so effing hot” escort service. Need to make an ex-boyfriend jealous? Need a hot date for that black tie affair? Looking for some NSA action? Need to make sure your boyfriend isn’t gay? Then the new, improved, old-fashioned Daniel will be just what you need. Look at this as an investment in your future.

THE GOALS!

WHAT GOES IN…
I know what I should eat. I know what I shouldn’t eat. I know how big portions should be. I don’t need a plan filled with preboxed meals, or a program lined with people yelling at me to point the right way. I just need to reduce, particularly at night.

  • Big Goals
    • Lose 40 pounds
    • Lose 4 inches on my waist
  • Small Goals
    • Lose 1.5 pounds each week and keep it off for 1 week
    • No food after 7pm at least 5 nights a week
    • Drink a full glass of water before and after each meal or snack

WHAT COMES OUT…
I don’t need a personal trainer to tell me that if I move around for longer and faster than I do when my fat ass is sitting in a chair then my heart rate will increase, my metabolism will increase and I’ll burn calories. Not only right that moment either, but with echoing effects in my body.

  • Big Goals
  • Small Goals
    • do 5K interval training 3 days each week
    • do fitness ladder training every day
    • 5 count increments on push ups / crunches
    • 1 rung each week of the Fitness Ladder

I LIKE COATING MY FINGERS IN CANDLE WAX…
So many people fail to realize the benefits of stress management. I’m making it a part of my life.

Part of this includes Yoga. For now, Yoga for me means either Sun Salutations in repetition or following along with a video, partner, or on the Wii Fit. I’ll advance with time.

Meditation is simply that. I can combine it with Yoga or perform it separately. At the very least, I’ll really gain an understanding of the backs of my eye lids.

Journalling helps me to get the last bits of thought out and bring clarity to them. And I get to whine like a little emo baby. How fun is that?!

There are no “big goals” here, because it doesn’t work like that.

  • Goals
    • Yoga 3 days each week
    • 15 minutes of meditation 5 days each week
    • Journaling 3 days each week

CURRENT STATS

Weight Loss: 0 lbs (40 lbs to go)
Inches Lost: 0 in (4 inches to go)
Push Ups: 7
Crunches: 22
Running: 2 miles in 25 minutes
Fitness Ladder Rung: 1

Cleanse Progress

Aug 15th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

Body

I went 48 hours without solid food. Then I starting eating one meal a day testing both my food addiction and my potential food allergies. I had to stop the “toxin flush” portion of the cleanse because it made getting to work in the morning absolutely impossible since I needed to spend about 2 hours each morning within 2 minutes of a bathroom. Not fun.

The toxin flush, though shorter than intended, was not without benefit. I feel refreshed, I have a better understanding of what goes in and out of my body, and I am most certainly cleaner. Furthermore, I highly recommend it.

The rest of the body cleanse involves making mental changes to produce a cleaner, healthier body. I’ve started strength training regularly. I’m practicing Yoga with intent. I’ve added more aerobic exercise to every day. My arms, and thighs, and abs haven’t been this sore in a very long time. I’m eating less calories and the calories that I do eat are even healthier than before. I’ve also given myself some outs so that it doesn’t feel like such a social shock to make myself better.

You don’t really realize how out of shape you are (weight aside) until you try to perform sustained exercise. (For instance: try holding your back straight and supporting yourself by your forearms and toes only — like a push up, but without moving — for 30-60 seconds without a break.) I had always assumed that all the walking and hiking I did was enough. It’s a good start, sure. But it’s not enough.

# I look good today. And I feel good too. Even if WiiFit did call me fat this morning. My body image is getting better. I know I’m overweight. I am doing something about it. I’m happy with my progress. I haven’t been able to say that in a long time.

And, yeah, # “I eat now“. This means that dinner invitations are both open and sought after once again. In fact, # last night’s dinner was awesome: Lemon pork tenderloin, quinoa, and a bean salad with lemon dressing.

Mind and Soul

Progress here has been slow and painful.

# I’ll make sense of this. Step by step, I’ll figure it out. One by one, I’ll cut off what needs to go and cherish what is left.

I’ve been spending a lot of time digging through my relationships. It’s not something anyone wants to do. In fact, most people don’t even like to talk about it because it just sounds cold and calculated. Maybe it is. Some people are able to just concentrate on the good and let the bad fall off the bottom. I don’t work like that. I have to clear the bad away and allow myself to stop worrying about it before I can free myself up to even see the good. So that means going through every relationship that causes me any pain. First I try to decide if I’ve been taking something personally that really wasn’t. Then I consider if I would have acted the same way in a similar situation. Then, finally, I look at what benefit that relationship brings me.

In the end, I don’t even have to make a decision. It just makes itself. Just giving myself the time and necessity to think about it is enough.

I’ve started rearranging my life and taking ownership of my problems. For too long I’ve been counting on other people to do their part and pitch in and it just doesn’t work. So, I’m taking ownership of it all. I’m giving plenty of opportunity and lots of warning. Then I’m moving on even if they can’t keep up. I am responsible for me.

# I’m an advocate of happiness, meaningful connections, and intimacy. There’s little to no reason to have anything else. And the improved, cleaner me will strive for that. I’ve managed to release myself from one very difficult unrewarding relationship and several other smaller ones. I feel lighter. I feel less frustrated. I’ve been able to sit and enjoy time with my wife and daughter without worrying about a hundred other little things.

body cleanse progress

Aug 11th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
19 comments

The body portion of this Cleanse is going quite well. I’ve also learned that a drastically reduced calorie lifestyle can really make a difference in how I feel.

Pros:

  • I have lots of energy. Lots!
  • My Libido has increased (I guess this is a Pro. Ugh. Send provisions, or at least photos of them! Stat!).
  • I feel lighter on my feet.
  • I am lighter. I’ve lost 5.3lbs since my weigh in Friday morning. Considering that is 3 days time, this means I’ve lost around 1.75lbs per day. (Now you’re more likely to send those provisions.)
  • I am more agile.
  • I am more clear-headed.
  • I am more calm.
  • I have more free time.
  • I feel better about myself.
  • There has been a decrease in Meniere’s Symptoms. I suspected this would happen since I’m certain most of my symptoms are food triggered and I’m now not eating any food.
  • The background mental frustration I often feel is clearing.

Cons:

  • I crave food. A lot.
  • I am more restless (probably because of that free time and my lack of motivation to put it to good use right now).
  • Headaches are still present, though fading. Again, this is quite possibly due to caffeine withdrawl, of which I’ve had none for the past three days.

Unfortunately, I can’t keep eating what I’m eating or I’ll likely die of malnutrition eventually. What I need to concentrate on once the body cleanse is complete is what foods I can eat that will bring me noursihment and energy without reducing any of these positive effects.

I’m still not free my food addiction. I’ve deliberately placed myself in two situations where I was allowed to eat food. (Yes, this means that the body cleanse will take a few extra days to complete, but the mental work involved was worth it.) In both cases I did VERY well. I was in control of what I was eating and how I ate it. I enjoyed the food and the company, but did not stuff myself. The average serving at our table of 6 was roughly 4 times the amount of food I ate on both occasions. However, the cravings are strong enough that, without the determination I have now, I would cave. So, any moment of weakness, high stress, or confusion could send me back into that addiction. I need more work here.

mind over matter

Aug 8th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

Right now I’m starving. However, I know that I’m not hungry. I’ve gone much longer than this without food before without even starting to feel hungry. But I’m restless. And my body equates that with hunger and it shouldn’t. That’s only one of the many reasons for this cleanse.

The “body” portion is basically a very limited juice fast. It not meant for weight loss, though certainly some will occur. The intent is toxin cleansing. On the surface it looks like it cleanses only the body. But I selected it also because I realized what it would do for my mind as well: Clearing mental toxins.

Each 10oz drink is 108 calories. I did the math. It tastes good. Very good, actually. Better than expected. The liquid of it keeps my stomach full. On top of that the vitamins and nutrients it provides are fairly complete. I wouldn’t attempt to live off of the stuff but, I’ve certainly eaten less healthy meals for weeks at a time. It’s really easy to make. It’s not at all expensive or complicated. With all of this in place, I can be certain that I’m not starving or malnourished in anyway, that it’s not too difficult to keep up with, or costing me a fortune. Basically, at least in the short term, I can be sure that everything is cared for.

It’s a mind game. By proving to my own mind that my body is not hungry, my mind is forced to realize that the only thing crying for food is itself. That part of the mind needs quieting. Even if it wasn’t making me fat, unambitious, and lethargic, the noise that it makes is a distraction I don’t need.

I had to play the same trick with myself when I quit smoking. That’s what gave me the idea in the first place.

With each swallow and each breath I seek clarity.

a cleansing ritual

Aug 8th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

Today I’m starting a cleansing ritual: body, mind, soul. The details of how and why are quite personal and complicated. But I’ll tell bits and pieces as I feel like I can. The process itself isn’t even that straight forward. Some of it is clear, others have to be invented as I go along. It’s right for me.

I may be a bit distant for a while. More than likely I’m just too caught up in fixing myself to have the thought of reaching out even cross my mind. But I’m not seeking isolation. So please, if you desire to, feel free to reach out and distract me from my own mind for a bit in whatever way you’d like. It will be appreciated.

After a few weeks I can move on to healing and you’ll probably notice me reaching out to you a bit more. I’m going to try to continue writing here and posting photographs. It’s part of the process. So even if we don’t get together, you’ll still have bits of me here.

Thank you for understanding.

a day of moments and thoughts

Aug 5th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
5 comments

I know that most of you didn’t like the auto-twitter posting that appeared on my site. In truth, I don’t really care for it on other sites either, unless I don’t follow that person in Twitter and so long as they have more than just nothing but Twitter posts for months on end.

At the same time, while a lot of what is written there is an ongoing conversation with people you may or may not care about, a lot of important stuff is said too, since the platform is so readily available throughout the day. So I’m going to try something new. Once a day, week, month, year, whatever works out in the end, I’m going to collect the important bits and use them as jumping off points for more thought and clarification.

Please, let me know what you think of this. As I’ve said many times before, while I write these words for me, if you’re not reading them they are pointless. Let me know if you like these all in one big post like this, or if I should spread them out into tinier posts throughout the day, or if I should just not do it at all.

# – We have been Wiifitted. Wee! Or rather, Wii!

It started out as a silly idea. I thought the WiiFit was an absurd idea for a “game” and at the same time, an absurd way to “work out”. In my mind, it didn’t fit either role very well. In practice, I was 100% right. However, it does have it’s own sense of charm. It takes all of the instruction, timing, counting and tracking out of exercise. While it doesn’t make certain you are doing the exercises correctly, it at least tries to make sure you stay balanced while you do them. That plus everything else, and it’s about 50% as good as a personal trainer that comes to your house whenever you want her to. And cheaper too.

I particularly like the strength exercises, the yoga practice, and the step aerobics. But, like others, # I find myself wishing the step aerobics were more varied. There are only two “courses” after which comes “free step” which is quite boring. A couple of people think that there will eventually be a Wii Step Aerobics game that will capitalize on this wish of mine. They’re probably right. So release the damn thing already.

# – I’m VERY sick to my stomach. Too much coffee, not enough food. Email me distractions for the next few hours until I can get lunch. Please!

As I get older I’m starting to realize that food can affect me quite a bit more than it used to. Too much of one thing or not enough of another and it can really throw me off. However, I haven’t quite figured out what’s good and what’s bad, what can be tolerated and what should be avoided at all costs.

Yesterday I had 6 “cups” (per the lines on my coffee pot) of coffee in the morning. By 10am I was spinning like crazy and very sick to my stomach. At almost 1pm I got something heavy to eat. Within an hour I felt 75% better. It wasn’t until a had a little down time and another meal that I felt 100%. But, by the end of the day, I felt okay enough to get on the Wii Fit again.

A special thanks to those who sent distractions. I find that, for many of my ailments, keeping me from thinking about them is the easiest way to get around them.

# – Time to build up my harem. Apps are being accepted! Especially if you like stairwells. Maybe this is a good time to use Craigslist. :)

This is a case of “ha ha only serious“. It’s clearly a joke. I don’t have a harem and therefore, don’t have a harem to build up. At the same time, the group of friends and special people that I share physical closeness with is dwindling for various reasons. I certainly don’t require a large group by any means, but, those that remain are largely unavailable. Physical closeness is one of those things that I crave and yet, at the same time, can be absolutely petrified of. It’s a need I don’t fully understand and yet feel very strongly about. It’s comforting. It’s safe. It’s sexy. It’s silly. It’s warm. It’s freeing. And, sometimes, it’s dangerous. All good things.

So, while I don’t actually have a harem, if physical closeness is something your situation allows and something you desire, then, please, really, “applications are being accepted! Especially if you like stairwells.”

Should I use CraigsList for such a purpose. Probably not. I’m better at being close with friends than I am with strangers. But, at the same time, it seems to be well suited to finding such new friends.

# – wanted list: friends: skype, stumble; wishes; harem members; photo: subjects, partners; dreams; dinner friends; progress; peace.

This doesn’t require too much explanation, really. It’s a list of things that I currently desire. Not matieral things. Emotional things. Mental things.

Skype Friends. Check out Skype. It’s the best cross-platform Video/Audio Chatting application I can find. You don’t have to have a camera or a headset to enjoy it either. Sure, it’s more fun if you do, but not required.

Stumble Friends. Check out StumbleUpon. It’s a way of browsing new, interesting websites, as well as sharing new websites that you like with your friends. It’s very easy to use and quite addictive. I’m looking for people to share their interests with me, for people interested in sharing my interests, and hopeful that people will Favorite my photographs so that others will be introduced to them through the world of Stumble.

Harem Members. See above.

Photo Subjects. It’s been ages since I’ve done a portrait session. My studio has been torn down, which makes this harder. But that doesn’t reduce my desire to create and to use the human body as a subject and muse. If you’re interested in being photographed, I’d love to hear from you. I’m specifically looking for people who have free time on weekends to go out to interesting places and be photographed in nature. Additionally, I’m looking for someone who would like to be photographed in the rain. I’d like to set up all the details and logistics so that the next time it’s raining, all it’ll take is a quick phone call and we’ll both be ready to go.

Photo Partners. This is similar to the above, except instead of being in front of my camera, you have your own to stand behind, or, at least, enjoy walking around in various places and stopping for lots of photos. It can get fairly boring to be out alone all the time. I’m looking for someone to share these times with. Someone to lean on for encouragement, to share the waiting with, and to get excited with.

Dinner Friends. See my post from yesterday — you’re invited to dinner — for more information.

Wishes. Dreams. Progress. Peace. These are all self-explanitory.

you’re invited to dinner!

Aug 4th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
5 comments

I’m tired of eating out. I’m nearly forced to do so when I travel for work. But at home, I do have options, yet I eat out a lot more than I should. Most of the time, when I eat out, it’s because I’m in a hurry, or because I’m meeting people for dinner.

So, my goal is to stop eating out. I can’t say never, of course. So instead, I’ll say no more than once a week which I will, hopefully, upgrade to no more than once every two weeks once I get going.

Instead of eating out, I’ll be eating at home: my home, your home, a strangers home, a mutual friends home. It doesn’t really matter where, as long as it’s at someone’s home.

You have an open invitation for dinner at my house every single night. Depending on the day, dinner will be served sometime between 6pm and 9pm. You need not bring anything. All food and drink will be provided. The only stipulation is that you must make reservations at least 24 hours in advance so that I can be sure I have enough food and so that I can tell you that we already have other plans.

What other plans could I possibly have, you might ask, since I’m not eating out any more. Good question. If I’m not eating at my home, then I may have been invited to eat in the home of someone else. Oh yes! I’m that rude guy who’s actually asking you to invite me over for dinner. The same basic set of guidelines as above should apply. You’ll need to have food on the table and ready for consumption at some point between 6pm and 9pm. Otherwise, making it to work the next day is impossible. Additionally, if you’re going to ask, you should do so at least 24 hours in advance. Otherwise, I may already have plans.

In case you needed more motivation other than free food and/or my presense at your meals, here are some reasons why eating out makes no sense for me (and maybe not for you either):

  1. Time is precious. Wasting 15-60 minutes getting to a restaurant, 5-45 minutes waiting to be seated, and then another 15-60 minutes to get back home isn’t doing me much good.
  2. And if I’m in a hurry to eat, in most cases, I could have preplanned a snack or quickly picked up a snack from a store. This is healthier, cheaper, and, in many cases, faster. And, if I pick up the right food, I can eat it on the way to whatever I’m rushing to do.
  3. Meeting people at a restaurant rarely leads to good conversation. Popular places are often crowded, seating can be tight, and long tables are only conducive to conversations at at each end. Further more, despite the fact that restaurants want you to drive to them, and then wait for them to be ready to seat you, once you’re done eating, unless you’re buying round after round of expensive drink, they’d usually prefer you to leave, and often do things to indicate this, like not keeping drinks full, or taking the snacky food off the table.
  4. Restaurants serve too much food. Having my portion decided for me is usually a bad idea. I’m reluctant to let any food go to waste so I feel obliged to eat everything in front of me.
  5. It’s usually not healthy food. Restaurants that serve healthy food are generally farther away, harder to get to, more crowded, and much more expensive.
  6. Finally, it’s expensive. Sure, some meals at some places are cheaper than you could make them at home for. But this is often because they are using sub-par ingredients and you are cooking for too small of a group to make it worth while.

So, if you’d like to come over for dinner, let me know. And, if you’d like to make a similar open invitation (in private, or in public like this one) please do so.

Bon Appetit!

health check

Jan 11th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Jess had her first Doctor’s Appointment since Celeste was born. Her incision looks great. She’s lost all but a few pounds since her pre-pregnancy weight. She looks fantastic. The doctor has given her a clean bill of health and has indicated that all previously restricted activities are no longer restricted. She can drive, lift objects, climb stairs, exercise, etc.

Celeste also had a check up today. She’s eating great and has now exceeded her birth weight by 5oz. She’s also grown 2 1/2 inches since birth. Yikes! Her cord stub still hasn’t fallen off, though. The doctor said to give it two more weeks and bring her back in if it hasn’t fallen off by then.

Though most don’t ask, I’m doing pretty well do. I’m crazy, tired, anxious, paranoid, worried, wondering and yet, still blissfully, happily wrapped up in both of them.

Life is pretty damn good.

a bowl full o’ BMI

Dec 6th, 2007
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Kate Harding has created the Illustrated BMI Categories photo set — a collection of photographs of various people doing various things along side their BMI Weight Status (underweight, normal, overweight, obese, morbidly obese). This really shows that BMI is a useless number having very little to do with how attractive a person is or what physical feats they are capable of.

So, go ahead an calculate your BMI and see just how useful it is. Women who don’t manage to get a “normal” rating… please… for the love of all that is good in the world… contact me for a photo session. And the handful of you “normal” girls… well… you should too.

–
Daniel
BMI: 28.4. Overweight.
I’ll give ya something to look at.

[via Jenny]

the true results of puritan thought

Jul 6th, 2007
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

There are so many things I feel strongly about that I no longer bother to bring up in public discussion lest I work my fingers to bruised and calloused stumps or rub my vocal cords bloody from speech. I’m grateful to find, from time to time, someone who shares one of my beliefs and is able to express themselves in a clear, well thought manner.

Our predecessors made a terrible mistake when they decided to use religion as a method for mentally and socially linking sex and love in some unbreakable bond. While, at the time, limits may have been needed to control population, social unrest, the spread of disease, and a plethora of other things, implementing those limits though sex and enforcing them through religious fear was a wrong turn. This has led to a society of people that are not only missing out on some of the finer aspects of physical pleasure this body has to offer, but are also unknowingly contributing to their own unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and confinement by holding these false and outdated beliefs.

I was delighted to read Sami’s article, “We Few, We Happy Few, We Band Of Brothers“, this morning on this very topic. If it is possible to present this idea in a way that might actually be understood by remaining members of the masses that haven’t been so totally brainwashed by the religious zealots and “born again virgins” that they have no remaining brain cells with which to participate in independent thought, then this is surely it.

If you’d like clarification of my own stance because you find it interesting I’m happy to talk with you. If you would just like to offer a conflicting point of view with nothing to back it up, then please, kindly take your arguments into your own spaces and discuss them there where I’ll be happy to read along and comment when I see fit. If you’d like to suggest that you are one of those rare people that have sex and love linked in your brain (or the brain of your significant other) that was not brought on by religious or social upbringing, then that, too, can go unspoken here. Just go stand with the others making that same claim in the dark boring corner back there. You know the one with all the girls wearing very low cut shirts and all the guys knocking each other in the ribs as the girl with the great ass walks by. It’s my birthday this weekend and I’m hoping I’ll have reason to use my fingers and vocal cords for other purposes.

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