Things that I need to do in order to prepare and pack for Celeste and my trip to NY and VT, for which the plane departs at 7:30am on October 5th which is in 5 days:

Everything

As I have always done with this space here, when a particular topic becomes prevalent enough that someone is either loving or hating seeing post after post of that nature, then it’s time to move that content into it’s own little corner.

I did this once before with Photographs. This blog became consumed with Photos. I posted almost nothing but photos. So I moved them off and away. (Check out my photoblog at Arranging Light).

I even kinda sorta did this another time in the past with a very small subset of my life that needed a smaller audience. That site has since been taken down. But, it’s not quite the same thing since I was creating a new variant of content along with the blog.

In fact, when my daughter turned 1 year old I started a site for our family, chosen family, and close friends to chronicle her life and share photos of her. Again, this is not quite the same thing since the content didn’t exist before hand.

Well, this new site will be more like the Photographs move. I’m taking content that I would ordinarily publish here, and I’m going to start publishing it in a new place instead. I know that might seem lame and silly and confusing. But I LIKE having a place for everything and a thing for every place. Chaque chose � sa place, chaque place � sa chose.

So… I introduce to you, Amorphous.

(Yes, the name is something I’ve used in the past, as is the URL. I guess I really like it.) This will be the blog in which I chronicle the life of a man aiming to live clean, love dirty, and cry ugly. That person, is, of course, me. It’ll feature stories from my life, tales of adventure, epic road trips, and peaceful evenings in. It’ll dip into love, and life, and freedom, and tolerance. It will, of course, feature my beautiful, precious daughter, and many of the wonderful people that choose to share my life.

It will touch on lots of aspects of my beliefs including clean eating, attached parenting, tolerant spirituality, blatant loyalty, and abstract socialism. It will not, however, focus on any one of these things.

I will be moving away from a “I did this, then I did that” style of writing. Instead of being historically accurate, I will attempt to focus on feeling, and meaning, and purpose. Anything that doesn’t convey that type of thought will be left here at revjim.net instead.

I may even twist facts or ideas or people or reality in order to better make a point. This isn’t to say that it isn’t non-fiction: it certainly is. However, it will convey the truths that live within my mind which may not always be the same as the truths that may have been recorded by a competent observer. To further direct the attention, I will likely never use real names of anyone and, even then, reference people as infrequently as possible.

I’m not sure if I’ll be tweeting to revjimweb when I post there, making links on Facebook, or attaching this blog to FriendFeed. Would any of those things interest you?

I am most certainly not posting to revjim on LiveJournal. You will need to set up a syndication account (which I can do if there is interest) or use a feed reader. I will probably link this blog to friendfeed.

For those of you that subscribe to revjim – world in your RSS readers, you needn’t do anything. This site will be included in that feed. For those of you that subscribe to my writing piece by piece, you’ll want to subscribe to its feed as well if you’re interesting in this content: Amorphous RSS Feed.

Thanks for reading.

I survived the Texas State Fair

Sep 28th, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

8 comments

This weekend was packed with fun, the highlight of which was the Texas State Fair on Saturday evening.

waiting for the train

I’m not a big “Fair” person. It’s not that I don’t like it. I can just usually find just as much fun doing my own thing in a less crowded space for less money. And if I bring a few people along with me, it’s just as good if not better. I guess I’m simple that way. But I really thought that Celeste would enjoy the fair, so I wanted to bring her. And Bonnie and Justin wanted to go too, which made it that much more fun.

We stepped on the DART Red Line at Parker Station at about 3pm. And we didn’t step back off until 10pm. Celeste loved every second of it, from the petting zoo, to the Ferris Wheel, to the Corny Dogs.

I had a bout of dad-fail on the way there. I packed two diapers into our backpack knowing I’d grab 6 or 8 more out of the car and then promptly forgot to do so. It wasn’t until we were well on our way on the train that I remembered. We stopped off at Lovers station to buy diapers. Of course a 27 pack was the smallest I could find so I left most of them on top of the trashcan at the train station. Of course, the two diapers I had brought would have been just enough. Oh well. Even worse, the next day I was cleaning out my backpack and realized I’d bought size 5s instead of size 4s. It’s not that I don’t know what size she wears. I’ve been the only one buying her diapers for 8 months now. I have no idea why I bought 5s but I looked for them on purpose. I can remember telling Bonnie “size 5″.

Texas Star

I was a bit frightened in the Ferris Wheel. Heights are heights and I am afraid of them in general. But I know how to overcome that fear fairly well when required. But having Celeste there made it more difficult. I would have been okay if not for the space behind the seats large enough for her to fit through and plummet to her death and her constant desire to climb them. None the less, we all made it out without learning how to fly and I only had to get stern with Celeste once, which I hated doing. I felt like one of those mean parents that are always yelling at their kids for silly things. I wonder if this is how is starts.

She loved it though. She pointed out the hundreds of red and green lights she could see down the street and continued to mention that she went “up in the sky”.

As usual, there was lots of strange food at the fair. I’m not really that eager to try lots of odd foods just for the sake of it. But, for some reason, fried butter just HAD to be tried. So I did. I’m still not sure if I liked it or not. It tasted great. Very buttery, of course. And the batter was delicious. But, at the same time, it was just too much butter.

Celeste loved it when I walked around with her up on my shoulders so she could see everything. This isn’t a posture she usually likes so those muscles on me are pretty weak. Every time I’d take a break she’s grab my face and turn it toward her (something she does in crowded or loud places to make sure you are paying attention to her) and would say “more up on the shoulders!!”.

The Little Pigs

The petting zoo was fun for her too. The moment she remembers best was the baby pigs. If you ask her about it, even now, she�ll tell you how there were lots of baby pigs, and a momma pig, and how all the baby pigs were drinking milk. She stared in awe for a long time. She also fed an Emu, pet a Donkey, and mimicked the bleat of a goat. She tried to feed a goat, one grain of food at a time. But the goat decided she was just too slow, took the food from her hands and ate everything, paper cup and all. Celeste thought this was hilarious.

On top of all of that, we saw briefly saw the car show, Big Tex, and the water fountains. Of course, the DART ride itself was an adventure as well, which Celeste loved. It took her a bit to get used to being in the train. Since we got on at the first stop there was time to get her acquainted with how it worked, walking on it, getting on and off it, etc. Once I did that, she was fine with it and eventually took to staring out the window, pointing at everything, and jumping up and down in her seat.

sun set from 212 feet

The only disappointment was DART on our trip back. On the way there the trains were not crowded and there were people directing you to the right location everywhere you turned. I don’t require this but it was nice to have. On the way back there was no one around and the information we sought out was incorrect. Additionally, there were not enough trains running which meant that we all waited longer than we should have and ended up on a VERY full train. Celeste and I stood for all of the first 12 or 13 stops. It was at the 3rd to last stop that there was finally room for both of us to sit. I didn’t mind standing so much. And despite being exhausted, Celeste didn’t seem to mind too much either. Lots of people offered us their seat, but I knew Celeste wanted the window and would only be upset if we got a seat but she couldn’t stand in the window and look out, so I declined when the offered. Lots of people commented on how good Celeste was being and at how smart she is. I have an awesome kid.

All told, the Texas State Fair was an awesome experience and I’m glad I decided to take Celeste.

keeping forever

Sep 24th, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

1 comment

cookie monsters

Rows and rows of empty boxes,
waiting for their fills.
Peace, alone, time to waste,
and this handful of pills.

I used to keep a small paper notebook with me at all times. Throughout the day I’d often pull it out quickly to jot down an idea, a daydream, the remnants of a short story flashing through my mind, the chorus to a song, or a quick blurb of prose that seemed profound. Once or twice, I’ve even tried to write while driving or quickly at a stop light. In fact, I really should have gotten one of those personal recorders but hearing my words in my own voice after the fact always ruined it for me.

I don’t keep that notebook any more. I’m still filled with ideas. I still get those quick flashes of clarity. I still find myself tapping into the mind of some imaginary someone and then falling back out again. I still find ways to frame my own situation in the lives of people who are not me. But, I don’t keep the notebook any more.

Much like all the photos I take, there is just never enough time to sort through them all, polish them up, and show them off to people that might enjoy them. In a lot of ways, both the notebook and the photographs are for me alone. But even then, my time is so short, I rarely take a moment to look back over them.

So all of these notes and all of these photos stay with me. I carry them from place to moment as if packed tightly into box after box after box. A few times in the past, either by choice or by accident, I’ve emptied all of those boxes. Seeing them that way brought a sense of peace but, in the end, it was mostly just lonely.

So instead of emptying the boxes, over time, I’ve just stopped filling them up. I take fewer photos. I jot down fewer notes. Yet I maintain the illusion that I’m keeping these days with me always because there are all of these boxes forever following me around.

It’s just an illusion, though. I feel as though sharing my words, my thoughts, and my photos with others will cause them to live forever. Whether it’s peace, clarity, happiness, sadness, arousal, understanding, or knowledge, when something I’ve done carries forward into another life, it’s as though that thing lives on forever like a beneficial virus being passed from carrier to carrier.

With this in mind, it seems simple enough to just share these things, even unpolished. But that conjures up new fears. What if being so prolific and unfiltered in those things causes it to suffer the same fate I often do here in thought? What if all of these photos and moments and thoughts and dreams and ideas so precious to me become nothing but brain vomit to be kicked through and cleaned off of shoes and feet with disgust? What if it just gets in the way? Not only would I have trouble accepting that, it would have an effect the opposite of my intent.

slowly twisting in the wind

Sep 22nd, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

6 comments

I see you there

There is a certain peace that comes with the understanding that something I was afraid to try wouldn’t have worked out anyway. With the sadness of loss comes the satisfaction of knowing.
I’m taking Celeste to the Texas State Fair this weekend. If I go on Friday it’ll be a mad dash to pick her up from school and get out there and I’ll probably drive and park and all of that. But if I go on Saturday�the DART Light Rail now has a Green Line that runs to Fair Park. I’m thinking about parking in Plano and taking the Light Rail down. Maybe stopping for a late lunch at Mockingbird Station along the way.
Celeste hasn’t slept well for many nights. I know she has a sinus and ear infection, probably due to the change in weather, her teeth coming in, or both. I prefer not to give her Antibiotics every time she gets an infection but if this lasts much longer I’m going to take her in.
As a way of increasing my�aerobic�activity and�neutralizing�the negative effects of electronic sedation without having to totally cut myself off, I’m in the market for a stationary bike, elliptical, or other�aerobic�exercise machine. I’d prefer to get my�exercise�under the big blue sky or a blanket of stars. But, often the only time I can find for it is once Celeste is asleep at which point leaving the house isn’t an option.
At some point in the past this site changed from a technical blog about web development and gadgets to a photo blog (which has moved). It has since changed again to become a blog about parenting, health, clean food, and life. I’m finally okay with that.
I’m finally starting to accept Kyro’s advice: I’ve lived a lot and experienced many things. Talking to a girl I don’t know shouldn’t be difficult. Even if I happen to have a baby on my hip.
My In-Laws will more than likely be visiting Celeste during our trip to NY/VT. I am strangely okay with this. During my marriage to Jess I lived in great fear of their disapproval. This no longer plagues me. I see them simply as a set of people wishing to share Celeste’s life. They are good people, they bring a positive influence to Celeste, and there’s no way that’s a bad thing.
I overspent in the past month. Which really isn’t a good thing to do before a vacation since I’ll likely overspend then too. So I’ve got myself on lockdown for now.
I need to find someone to care for my kitties while Celeste and I are in the Northeast. I hate asking for favors.
Tonight is my first Tuesday without Celeste on the new schedule. I’ve got a light dinner, cleaning, web site editing, and photography on the slate all in small, undefined portions.
I think my new glasses were made wrong. They hurt my eyes. A lot. So I have to go get them looked at today. If there is something wrong with them, hopefully they can get them fixed before I leave for the Northeast. If not, I’ll be wearing contacts and my old glasses. I have a picture of them, but I’d rather not put it here. Let me know if you want to see. Don’t worry, I’m fully clothed. ;)

what I want

Sep 18th, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

No comments yet

A few years ago spending time with people that mattered to me and respected me was the most important thing in my life. That hasn’t changed. That still is what is most important. We are, after all, very social animals. Being social makes us happy. And, as I’ve said before, success is happiness.

But the people that I find myself surrounded by continues to change. As the core of my group grows and shrinks and mutates, those that support that core fluctuate as well. While staying out until 3am drinking and laughing and smoking and doing silly things that I should regret the next day but probably wont still sounds like a REALLY GOOD TIME, it just doesn’t happen. Not because of lack of opportunity and not because of lack of desire. There are merely more important things. No matter how drunk I get, no matter how loud I sing, no matter who I accidentally make out with, I wouldn’t trade the smile on my daughter’s face, and an early morning walk with her for it. No way.

But this isn’t about Celeste. I mean it is, but it isn’t. Because I wouldn’t trade a happy smile and a nice morning walk with anyone I care about for a night of carelessness and lack of inhibitions. For me, an intimate moment with someone I care about has always been more important. Now, if I can have both, then I’ll take it.

This isn’t a holier than thou thing. There’s nothing wrong with preferring the super-social acts of silliness and debauchery over a quiet, happy, peaceful moment. Everyone is built differently. I’m not knocking those of you who would prefer to stay out late and party. In fact, if I can find a way to get what I want most and join you too, then I will.

Getting married, or finding a significant other, or having a child, or moving within walking distance of your closest friends changes things for people like me. It isn’t because I’ve changed who I am. And it isn’t because the event or other person changes me. It is, instead, because with that change comes that which I seek the most. And, in having it, I choose it over and over again.

So that’s where I am. That’s where I’ve always been. I seek intimacy and closeness. I seek it in all of it’s forms. I seek it as often as I can have it. And I seek it in ways that allow me to have even more of it, instead of in ways that would limit me from finding it. Often that means being around people with the same priority pattern because it just works out that way. But it doesn’t have to.

I still like being super-social and wild too. Believe me, I’ve still got it in me. And if I can find a way to do both, I will. And if being super-social is on the top if your list, but an intimate, close moment with a good friend sounds enjoyable too, then maybe we can work it out to where we both get what we want.

I’m learning that anything is possible. ANYTHING.

every moment

Sep 17th, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

No comments yet

little to see

This morning, I am just blah. I feel like I’m not doing enough or being enough of anything. Despite having more of it, I feel like my time with Celeste is more rushed and less interesting. I feel the same for what little time I have for myself. I have so much I want to do, and yet I feel like what I get done is mostly mindless administration.

I am working to improve the quality of the time I have, both with myself and with my daughter. I am working on making the administration important and meaningful and memorable, even if that means that everything takes twice as long. Simple things like cooking a meal, or cleaning a floor, or a walk around the block can be an amazing shared experience when taken that way and treasured.

I am learning to�appreciate�every moment of life. I am learning to cherish every second I have with my daughter, no matter what it is we’re doing. I am learning to take in every laugh, every smile, and every sip of wine shared with a friend and hold it just a little bit longer. I am learning to respect the things I don’t understand without requiring them to picked apart into pieces. I am learning to cherish what I have in front of me without falling prey to my own sadness for that which I do not have. I am learning to improve what I do have without ruining the essence of what it is. Those last two are really difficult. I am still learning. I will be forever learning. That’s really what makes us who we are.

I don’t need a post-it note on my back to remind me of this. I don’t need it written in the shower fog on my mirror in the morning. If I have something to remember, I write it on my hand so that I see it as I’m doing. But it’d be even better if it came from a friend ready to share in that next lesson.

And I can’t sing the blues anymore

Sep 16th, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

17 comments

I’ve got a 9am meeting this morning so I have to rush Celeste out the door. This will not be fun. No bath. Eat in the car. And my having to say no in regard to playing, reading books, and going for a walk will probably bring plenty of tears. But… if I can keep a good attitude. Maybe she will too. I could just wake her up earlier, but, she didn’t get to bed until late. And I rather ruin my day than ruin hers.

I went to pay a big stack of bills this morning to find that they were all either not actually bills or already paid. Hooray. Cause I’m running low on cash.

Had a nice time at the park yesterday with Celeste, Bonnie, Justin, and Niece (their dog).

I think it’s sad that no one writes sappy love songs any more. Not the “umf umf, let’s do it all night long, cause I can go all night” kinda song. I mean the “brown-eyed girl”, “I wanna hold your hand”, “something in the way she moves” variety. Or maybe people are writing them and I just haven’t heard them. What’s your favorite love song from the past five years that doesn’t include “li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toe” in the lyrics?

I think my mattress is broken. Or something. It was expensive and purchased within the last 2 years so, in theory, it should still be comfortable. But I feel like my weight has made a permanent dent in it and that shouldn’t be possible. That dent is causing it to not support my weight like I need. Yeah, yeah, insert all the fat jokes you want right here. I’m not sure if I should call them and see, sell the thing and buy a new one, or just live with it. I’m not looking forward to the hassle of dealing with customer service. Regardless, it hurts my back. Maybe I’ll sleep on the air mattress for a few nights and see if it’s any better. If so, at least then I’ll know it’s responsible.

electronic sedation

Sep 15th, 2009

by Jim Reverend.

2 comments

I don’t watch much TV, really. But, still, I feel like it’s starting to play too big of a role in my life. After a long day of work and chores and meeting the demands of other people, I put Celeste down for bed and, often, as was the case last night, I fall asleep doing so. An hour or so later I wake up again with an hour or two ahead of me before I need to go to sleep. I have no problem giving myself those few hours. But, what I do with them is important and they greatly influence the rest of the hours of each day.

This should be a time to pay bills, read a good book, prepare ingredients for the next day’s supper, fold laundry, call a friend, edit photos, enjoy a cup of tea, stare into the night’s sky, clean something, exercise, or work on one of my many ongoing projects. More often than not, I find myself too tired to consider any of those things and I turn to what basically amounts to electronic sedation: the television. At least I watch good TV. In moderation that would be okay. But as it slowly becomes a daily thing I can feel my energy levels dropping day after day. Worse yet, I usually snack while doing it. Which means I’ve gained a little of all that weight I lost back.

I slept all night last night, didn’t wake hardly at all, and yet I’m exhausted this morning. Last night I just wanted to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling instead of laughing and playing and dancing and enjoying time with my daughter. I almost managed to convince myself to not get up this morning, and just sleep another hour or so. So I’ll drink coffee and take medicine and eventually make it through today, but tomorrow will be the same story if I don’t stop the pattern now.

So I’m going to have to impose some artificial limits on myself until my natural moderation kicks back in. I’m happy to provide specifics to those interested. Feel free to offer silly, serious, or sexy award for my success. It helps more than I can express.

life

too nice to stay inside

Travel Preparation

Another Place

I survived the Texas State Fair

keeping forever

slowly twisting in the wind

And I can’t sing the blues anymore

electronic sedation

Recent

Search

Categories

Calendar

Pages

Meta

February 2012
S	M	T	W	T	F	S
« Nov
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29