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better?

better?A friend recently told me that my brain runs too fast analyzing what’s being said and thinking of what to say next that it makes it hard for me to be a good listener. She’s probably right. I had always thought that knowing exactly what to say at the right time is what sorted out the good listeners from the bad ones. But I realized, when she said that, that sometimes there isn’t anything someone can say. Sometimes, there isn’t an answer. And when there isn’t, I suck at it.

Whatever skill needs to be employed in those cases — to listen without having the answer — is probably useful just the same even when there is an answer. That skill, whatever it is, is one that I don’t seem to have. But if I did, and this is just conjecture, it would make me a better listener in all cases. So I’m looking for that skill.

I keep a text file on my computer named “things I should never forget”. It’s mostly just small quotes from various people and links to whatever they came from. It’s full of good things. Things like:

It’s getting immensely easier to enjoy living as I stop trying to prove a point to anyone and just do what’s good.

Farris Goldstein

Yesterday I added a new bit of knowledge to this book of my life:

Don’t be an asshole. Learn to love donuts.

Joey Comeau

It’s no wonder it has become so easy for us, as a society, to tell lies and half truths to get what we want. We’ve seen it used over and over again as a tactic for pacification since we were so very young.

Imagine you’re a young child. Your father is about to leave for the day and you don’t want him to. Your father told you he’d be back at the end of the day and covered you in hugs and kisses, but that it didn’t help to ease you. He told you didn’t want to go but that he had to. That didn’t help much either. Then, another adult tells you that your father is really just going to get you a snack, and that he’ll be right back. That makes you feel better. You stop crying and your father leaves. You’re happy to go on playing and wait for him to return. But he doesn’t. Not until much later that evening. After you’ve glanced at the door so many times that you eventually stop looking. When you see him you’re so happy that he’s there that you almost forget that it took longer than you expected. Almost. But day after day, time after time, over and over again, it sticks and you remember. You learn that people lie to get what they want. They lie to innocent children and they lie to other lying adults. Lying is a fact of life, a required tool. A tool requiring mastery.

When there are turtles under the bridge, when there are fish in the pond,when the birds sing us home, when there’s a frog in the car that we can’t get out, life is good. And those little laughs, the little giggles, the little smiles, make everything that much more amazing and bring warmth to even the coldest days. I am inspired by her, every day, to be more like I want to be. Whoever said parenting is a zero sum game

weekend recap

Sometimes I have to go back and read my last entry just to remember where I left off. I have more to say than I have time to write. That’s probably for the best.

Friday

So, as I mentioned last time, Friday was filled with swimming at the lake, Fireworks, and good friends.

cousins

Saturday

Saturday morning we went to the McKinney Farmer’s Market. We had so much fun eating blue berries looking at beautiful produce and walking under the trees. I really like McKinney in general. Maybe I should move there?

Celeste passed out on the way home, which I hadn’t intended to happen until we were on the way to my dad’s. I got her out of the car, put her in bed, did some chores, packed some bags, put her back in the car, and got her 10 minutes away from my dad’s house before she woke up. I must have taken my Daddy-Power pill that morning. Either that or the LuckyLayla‘s Drinkable Strawberry Yogurt C and I shared at the farmer’s market was responsible.

We got to my dad’s and did the birthday thing: mine, my mom’s, and my brother-in-law’s. Birthdays are way different as you get older. Presence becomes far more important than presents, which is as it should be, I think.

the end of the tunnel

After birthday fun, C and I met some friends at Central Market for live music, a way-too-big-for-Celeste playground, and dinner. I let C climb one thing that was just too big for her. She sees all the other kids doing it and she wants to do it too. She did surprisingly well. If it wasn’t for the fact that she just didn’t want to finish and tried to come down the thing backwards, I don’t think I would have had to help her at all.

After dinner, we went over to play with our friends until well after 10 o’clock. Then back to my mom’s house for sleep.

Sunday

I got up before Celeste, played with an Eye-Fi Card (cool product which could be SO much better if they’d hire some decent programmers. more later?), and tried to fight off a headache. Once Celeste got up, we went to the park, went for a nice walk, played on the playground, and had some oranges for a snack. My nieces and my nephew came with us. It was HOT, but, we still need some outside time. A few hours later we went back to my dad’s for a nap.

interesting light

My Dad, who really should open a restaurant, made some awesome slow cooked pork fajitas, then I helped my brother get his iPhone working on T-Mobile (more later?)

For dinner, we met some friends at Cafe Express in Southlake, but not before Celeste and I played for a bit on the big hill just across the street. After dinner we went to the Fritz Park Petting Zoo with our friends. We got rained out and a lot of the animals were not available, most likely due to the coming rain, but we had a great time anyway. It’s awesome how kids can make the most fun out of something so simple. In this case, it was a set of red stairs and a red painted deck. I forgot my real camera at my dad’s, and it was a bit too dark to get anything good with the point and shoot. But I tried.

a blurry TADA!

Driving home took a while as we got stuck in a huge downpour. It’s good though, we need the rain. Hopefully, today will have a bit cooler temperatures thanks to it. Once we got home, C and I fed the cats, watered the plants, went for a walk, took a bath, and went to bed.

Today

I’m going to call C’s doctor this morning and see if I can move her 18 month checkup from tomorrow to today. She’s got a bad cough and some kids at her school have had bronchitis, one of which developed into pneumonia. Other than that, C is in daycare, I have to work, and at some point this afternoon I need to get cat food. We haven’t gone swimming in a while, maybe that’ll be tonight’s plan.

looking for adventure

I had originally planned on taking a road trip out to Atlanta this coming weekend. Just get in the car Friday morning and not look back until Monday. But, as one thing leads to another, it looks like that’s just not going to happen. Not because I can’t, but simply because I don’t think it’s for the best right now.

But… I’m still doing something. It’s been far too long since I spent a weekend focused on Photography. So that’s the goal.

So, these are my options. While I may sound sarcastic and downplaying of each of these, I really am quite excited to do any or all of them.

  • Still go to Atlanta… Atlanta, TEXAS, that is. It was, after all, named after Atlanta, Georgia, so I’m sure it’s almost the same as the real thing. Once the destination is reached, just go where the photos take me. Possible sights include Atlanta State Park, Caddo Lake, Jefferson, and Daingerfield (one of my favorite state parks).
  • Visit Shreveport, Louisiana. Spend the day photographing urban decay (like Mike Rosebery does), spend the evening playing craps at some stinky casino.
  • Drive down to Austin and stop by Hippie Hollow to go skinny dipping for the first time ever, arguably legally.  Then spend the evening photographing Austin sights and night life. Probably visit Hamilton Pool as well.
  • See how many Texas towns within 4 hours of my house with stolen/borrowed names I can visit in the course of a weekend. Palestine, Italy, Oakland, Athens, Buffalo, and Eureka, are just a few candidates on a very long list.

Who among you will bring your sense of adventure and join me? I promise as much fun, danger, excitement, and expression as you put into it — which really is saying I promise nothing.

the state of the daniel

I can’t even remember *WHERE* I’m supposed to write any more, so I’m just writing here because I can. I’m not really all that happy with LiveJournal right now and I’m thinking I will find some other place to share my “locked” entries. Not really sure where.

So anyway… this will be sort of freeform stream of consciousness. Welcome to my mind.

Celeste and I are going to Mike and Lisa’s house for dinner and a playdate tonight. Should be fun. I really enjoy my friends and love that they feel personally invested in my child. It’s that whole village thing. And I’m meeting my friend Mario for lunch today since he’s in town for training, which is awesome.

Jess said she wants to stay home with Celeste Friday night and I’m torn about what I should do. I feel like I should take the opportunity for a small break and go out and do something once she goes to bed. Even if it’s just a cup of coffee alone or with a friend or two. Yet, at the same time I know I have a ton of housework and chores that I could get gone if I stayed home. And this second option has the added bonus of letting me be there for Celeste if she wakes up in the night. Not that Jess can’t take care of her — that’s not it at all — it’s just that I really enjoy being there for my daughter. Maybe I could create the best of both worlds by having a few people over for a coffee or drinks and a movie. Anyone interested?

Saturday morning Jess is also staying with Celeste. Maybe I’ll run out early that morning and photograph a bit, which I haven’t done in ages. Other than that, I’m sure I’ll stick around the house, do some cleaning, and enjoy Celeste until 11am or so. Jess is taking her on a lunch date with a few friends until about 2:30pm.

I try to invite Jess to any event that I’ll be taking the baby to. Jess is very important in Celeste’s life and I would never want to limit the time the two of them can spend together as long as I can be included too. I’m sad that Jess doesn’t share this same value. However, at the same time I fully realize that I can not dictate the choices Jess makes and have to start getting used to living in the world where I can’t see my daughter whenever I want. It’s a sad, sad world, but it is, unfortunately, my new reality. Even with that, though, I don’t think I’ll ever get to the point where I stop inviting Jess. It’s just too important to me.

After her lunch date, Celeste and I will be headed to a birthday party for Joel and Emily’s daughter which ends at 5pm. After that, I’m really not sure what Celeste and  are doing. Maybe I’ll head out to Keller and spend the night at my mom’s? Or maybe head home and have a quiet evening in? I usually like to pack the weekends with fun stuff because so much of the week is spent with just Celeste and I at home. Anyone want to have some sort of kid friendly gathering Saturday night? I can host if desired, or travel.

Sunday we’ll probably spend at my mom’s as usual. I’m not sure if Jess is coming or not. Even though it’s such a long drive to do every single week, I really like Sunday’s because my mom’s house ends up being full of people that love me and my daughter and that just makes me so happy. Again… that village thing.

And that’s it. The state of the Daniel… or at least, the future of the Daniel for the next few days. Gotta run.

TTOW: TokBox, video chatting for the masses

TokBox is a website that provides video chat services, also known as webcam services. Yes, it’s true, just about every instant messaging platform already does this: Skype, Windows Live Messenger, Yahoo Messenger – even Google Talk does video chat now. On top of that, there are already so many sites providing video calling and conferencing like UStream, Stickam, Justin.TV and others. So why, in this over saturated market of video chatting, calling, conferencing, and other unmentionable video acts would you choose TokBox over the rest? Read on.

First of all, TokBox requires no installation. You can simply visit the TokBox website and it will log you in, alert you to calls, show you a list of your friends, and allow you to leave public and private video messages. However, if you’d prefer to have an installed client, TokBox offers an Adobe Air based install that sits in your task tray and acts just like you’d expect it to.

Secondly, for calling existing users of the service, TokBox does not require an account. For instance, I have an account. If you visit my TokBox page you will see the option to call me or leave me a video message even if you don’t have a ToxBox account. Go ahead. Try it. I’ll even put a shirt on for you, just in case. This makes it very easy to include a link on your website, or send one via email to your mom or grandmother. They don’t have to jump through signup hoops, or do anything more than click the big fat button that says “VIDEO CALL”. And, if you’re not available, it’ll let them leave a message. No install. No signup. No nothing.

It supports video conferencing. This is fairly unique to TokBok. Stickam allows for multiple users to talk and view each other, but it’s done under the pretense of video chatting in the room of a particular user. Other services like UStream and Justin.TV allow you to broadcast to whoever is willing to watch which can be manipulated to act like video conferencing if you’re that dedicated, but it’s not quite the same. TokBox does it easy and simply. It’ll even let you invite non-TokBox users to the conference. You’re provided a URL that, when used, will bring participants right into the group, no account required.

Finally, because it’s just a URL that you visit in a web browser, it works anywhere. Paste the link to your buddy on MSN or Google Talk. Email it to someone. Twitter it. Put it on your blog. Whatever.

There is one subset of Video Chatting that TokBox doesn’t work well for. If you’re into broadcasting live video to many viewers who will not be actively participating in conversation and providing a video stream, you probably want UStream, Stickam, or Justin.TV. This is true even if some of them will be sharing video back or will be participating in typed conversation but you desire the conversation to be one-on-one.

So check it out. Visit TokBox and sign up for an account or visit my TokBox page and see how it works before you commit.

Road Trip this weekend?

Who wants to go on a Road Trip this weekend? We’d leave Friday afternoon or early Saturday morning and head back Sunday or Monday evening. Hotel, gas, photography equipment and park admission is already covered.

If you follow me on Twitter (as you very well should) you may have witnessed my consideration of making an impromptu Road Trip last Saturday morning. Well, those thoughts have not subsided. Maybe I’ll have better luck if I start thinking about it now, two days earlier.

I’d like to visit the Lost Maples State Natural Area. I’ve been talking about doing this for several years now and simply never have. The point of the trip is to see and photograph the leaves changing colors as it features a large, isolated stand of uncommon Uvalde Bigtooth Maple. According to the 2008 Foliage Color Change Report, last weekend was probably a better weekend to visit. A lot of the Maples have dropped their leaves thanks to the wind. On the good side, the Red Oaks are starting to change.

Of course that’s only the purpose, because it helps to aim your car in some direction if you have a purpose. The best part about Road Trips is what happens in all the unplanned parts, and how your plans twist into something even better than originally planned. I love Road Trips.

If I leave Friday night I figure I’ll stop off in Austin or San Antonio for the evening then head out again the next morning. If I leave Saturday morning, I’ll just head straight there. If I leave by 6am I should be there in time for a nice look around before sunset. For the return trip I’m planning to leave around noon. Leaving on Monday just gives me one extra day and can always be decided upon at the last minute.

If I do the Saturday through Sunday trip, I’ll have just enough time for a little hike and then a sunset. Then do a sunrise, and then have another little hike. Then head home. From sunset to sunrise I’ll bum around Kerrville, look for diners, decaying buildings, and things that would make for interesting night photography. I might also sleep. Maybe.

Of course if I do the Friday through Monday trip, I’ve got a lot more time. I can goof off in Austin or San Antonio Friday night. Take my time getting out to Lost Maples Saturday morning. And I’ll have a whole extra day for exploring or allowing for alternate impromptu plans.

I will get up pretty damn early regardless of where we are or how our plans change only because I really like sunrises. You’re welcome to sleep in the hotel room, car, field, barn, boat house, or whereever it was we ended up the night before if you’d prefer not to get up early. I won’t let the pigs nibble your ears too much.

So.. who’s in? Three people (plus myself) is about the maximum group size to make it fun and dynamic. I do pretty well by myself, but I’d much rather have someone with me.

Let me know SOON, because I need to book hotels and/or find couches to crash on in Austin/San Antonio and Kerrville.

TTOW: Intense Debate

In this Tech Tip of the Week (TTOW, get it, almost seems like a feature, doesn’t it?), I will present, once again, Intense Debate, a centralized commenting system that has benefits for content authors and readers alike.

Earlier this year I looked at both Disqus and Intense Debate. I weighed each of their merits and drawbacks. I even had phone conversations with then CEO of Intense Debate, Tom Keller, in hopes of coming to an agreement about the future of Intense Debate. In the end, I finally decided on Disqus.

And now I’m changing my mind.

Comparison

Both services get the core right. You can leave comments on various blogs. Your reputation and comments are stored centrally (view my profile) and go with you from site to site. Threading is supported as is advanced comment moderation and spam control. The devil is in the details.

In the past 9 months, Disqus has added OpenID support. However, it was hacked on in such a poor fashion that it’s not even worth mentioning. Despite my complaints and the complaints of many others, this has not been fixed. Intense Debate already had working OpenID support that behaves as you’d expect, and that hasn’t changed.

Both Disqus and Intense Debate upped their plugin technology to allow moving from system to system that much easier. This shows great pride in their work on both sides and is commendable.

Intense Debate has added Reply By Email functionality. And, in fact, has done so in a lightly better way than Disqus because of the additional moderation options available directly from email. Disqus already had Reply By Email.

Intense Debate still looks nicer. Of course this is subjective. However, I feel that not only is the interface more attractive, it’s easier to use and easier to find what I’m looking for. Disqus has made some small improvements in this arena over the last 9 months, but it’s nothing drastic.

Intense Debate offers integration with Twitter and some really cool integration features with FriendFeed. The appear to have more integration ideas on the horizon. I notice little tiny things all the time. For instance, if I am logged into my blog but not logged into Intense Debate, some magic happens (is it OpenID based? or just plugin based?) and it automatically logs me in. That’s just smart.

Intense Debate was also recently brought into the Automattic family, the fine folks behind WordPress. This leads me to believe that Intense Debate will be the innovator of the two. Features and flexibility are what make tools like this successful and useful.

Intense Debate allows unregistered users to, not only comment, but receive notification of replies. Disqus claims they are adding this, but I haven’t seen it. Even though registration is a piece of cake and has lots of benefits, users are reluctant to fill out another signup sheet. I get that. So, with Intense Debate, they can still get notification of replies.

Disqus wins in only two areas.

First of all, Disqus has a “claim comments” feature. This is nice for those who have been leaving comments on Intense Debate enabled sites without registering and then finally decide to take the plunge. I’d like to see Intenese Debate enable this using both URLs and EMail addresses (both confirmed first, of course). Then as new sites bring their old comments into Intense Debate, I can claim the comments I’ve left there as well.

Secondly, Disqus seems to have a better uptime record. I’ve seen Disqus go down once. I’ve seen Intense Debate fail several times and, considering that I wasn’t using their service, I would imagine that means it probably happened even more often than I saw. However, their move to Automattic should certainly help this. And everyone has growing pains, I’m certainly not going to spend too much time harping on this unless it becomes a real problem.

So, with all of this considered, Intense Debate is the right tool for me right now. And I think it’s the right tool for you too.

Installation

If you have WordPress, installation could not be easier. You install a plugin, you answer a few questions, you sign up for an Intense Debate account, and you’re done. It automatically syncs all of your old comments into Intense Debate and keeps them synced just in case you decide to stop using it in the future.

Of course, my writing this is coming at a bad time. Because of their move to Automattic, Intense Debate is currently closed for adding new blogs to invite only. You can still sign up for an account, but you can’t install it on your blog without an invite code. I managed to get one from my friend Joel (who happens to run a very funny online comic called Hijinks Ensue) but I don’t think they are all that easy to come by. Worry not. Sign up for an account now and let me know your interest and, as soon as I can find some codes I’ll let you know. UPDATE (2008-11-12): IntenseDebate no longer requires an invite code. GO WILD!

Commenters, read this!

(Those of you reading this in LiveJournal, Facebook, or any of the other millions of places this gets syndicated to, you will of course, have to visit my actual site to see and use these features.)

Intense Debate works for you as much as it does for me. If you like a comment (or don’t) use the up (or down) arrows next to each one to promote them. Additionally, take a few seconds and sign up, or just use your OpenID (any Google, Yahoo, MSN, or LiveJournal account is an OpenID, among many others) and you can sign in to Intense Debate like that. The features is provides are well worth it and it only takes a few seconds. At the very least, be sure to supply your email address when you comment so you can get replies sent to you.

you mean, like, every day?!

I figure, if Kristy can do it then I can because I’m a way better person than her. Ok maybe not.

But I’m going to try anyway. NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)! Sure, I missed two days this month already, but, at least I’m starting you out with the right expectations.

Every time I look at the “word” NaBloPoMo it makes me think it has something to do with blood. The “Blo” is obvious there. I guess I think the “Po” is some take on Phlebotomy. Who knows.


Last night I saw two amazing artists in concert.

First, there was Kaki King. She’s a brilliant, beautiful woman, with some mean guitar and a voice that is pure magic. She’s got some amazing music videos on YouTube worth checking out. The art of the videos themselves really compliments her talent. And, if you just want to be in awe of her guitarist prowess, check out this live clip of her playing on David Letterman. Simply amazing.

She was followed by The Mountain Goats, a totally different variety of brilliant. With strong lyrics and emotive vocals, John Darnielle leads the audience through an amazing setlist, perforated with Kaki King on guitar playing some of the tracks from their collaborative album, The Black Pear EP, including the amazing Mosquito Repellent (sorry for the bad audio in that link).

Aside from the show being incredible, it was performed at the Granada, in my opinion, one of the bestmusic venues I’ve been to in DFW. Not only is the building interesting well laid out, the sound and light techs there always perform an outstanding job.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, I got to claim the beautiful, amazing, incredible Erica as my date. She was dressed pulling no punches whatsoever. I considered taking a photograph to share with you all and then decided I would just keep this one all to myself. Consider my selfish. I don’t mind.

The only problem with such an amazing yesterday is that today stands such little chance of living up to that standard.

C’est la vie.

Honeycrisp Ap-Poll

1. Memorable Halloween costume of your childhood? Of your adulthood?
Childhood: In the 5th grade my mom made me a Hermes costume at my request. It was amazing.

Adulthood: A few years ago I went as Charlie Brown… at age 30: Balding, and a drunk wearing his signature shirt covered in stains.

2. Worst/best Halloween candy?
Sometimes you feel like a Nut, sometimes you Don’t.

Almond Joy and Mounds fun sized candy bars are my favorites. Candy Corn, those super chewy peanut butter things, and any “Brachs” candy (except the Caramels) are by far the worst.

3. What are your plans for Halloween? Or the weekend? Or November 1?
Skwid’s Party on the night of 10/31. If I finish my costume today it’ll be awesome. If not, I’ll be me. Either way, I’m bringing a camera and some lighting stuffs too.

Sunrise photos on the morning of 11/1.

Maybe a party with some work people on the night of 11/1. Maybe. BIG Maybe.

Coffee and sunday service with a friend on the morning of 11/2.

Seeing The Mountain Goats Show on the night of 11/2.

Yeah. BUSY WEEKEND!

4. What’s your favorite pumpkin-related thing to eat? Or to make?
I LOOOOOOOOOVE pumpkin seeds. The “David’s” white ones all coated in salty water residue are ok. But fresh ones made in your own oven coated lightly with sea salt. Mmmmm. That’s the best.

I also like pumpkin pie. I don’t think I’ve ever had one made from “pumpkin” vs. being made from “pumpkin pie filling in a can”. I wonder if there is a difference. Does ANYONE make pumpkin pie without the can these days?

5. BTTW/WTTW
BTTW: My wife being awesome, and my friend being awesome.
WTTW: The layoffs at work.

Top 3 audio …
Used to Get HighJohn Butler Trio
None Shall PassAesop Rock
San BernardinoThe Mountain Goats

Tumblr

In short, I have a new site you can read: http://revjim.tumblr.com/

There are hundreds of sites begging people to put their cool links into them (delicious.com and the like). But none of them really let you customize the site and make it your own. On top of that, almost every piece of social networking software has some form of link sharing built in (like FaceBook) but most of them are exclusive to the members of that site and require a bunch of hoops to make things start flowing. There’s StumbleUpon which is awesome for finding new content and sharing it but not so good at keeping that content organized or sharing it in a customizable fashion. I find myself sharing lots of things with lots of people in lots of ways, but each of them locked up to a subset of users in it’s own less than desirable way.

And then there is Tumblr.

They are smart enough to not link a single account to a single site. So, any account can post to multiple sites, create sites of its own, or not have any associated sites. They also allow multiple contributors to sites and even allow private posting (though you have to be a member to view).

They offer complete customization even allowing the use of sites like Google Analytics for traffic analysis and Disqus to enable comments.

Their approach to content is intriguing. From short blurbs, to chats, to text posts, to photos, to videos, to audio, to reblogging… the site is based around the concept of formatting differently for different media types and excels at displaying whatever it is you put into it.

It can be used to share links, photos, thoughts, or just about anything else on the web. While most of it’s users tend to focus on sharing found content, it is certainly suited to hosting original content as well.

So, with all that, I’m going to begin using it to share the interesting things I find online. Should I find the content becomming to heavy in anyone topic, starting a new Tumblr specifically for that topic is a piece of cake.

The good news to you is that, you don’t have to sign up for anything to follow along. Just visit my Tumblr and bookmark, subscribe in the RSS reader of your choice, add to LiveJournal (Try LJUser: revjim_tumblr), follow in FriendFeed, ignore it all together or, really, whatever makes you happiest.

I will more than likely start a second Tumblr for the interesting links and photos of a … less than pure nature. Drop me an email if you’re interested in a link.