I need a love to help me find my way
I need a strength that I cannot betray
I need a word to say what I can’t say
I need a lover

-Cherry / The Smashing Pumpkins

It really hard to sum up a weekend like this in a word or two. I’m inclined to say “it was a good weekend” but there’s really so much more than that.

I’m at a time right now where “loneliness” is the overwhelming feeling. I feel alone, and important, and, at times, betrayed. It doesn’t feel good. In a time like this, two days alone on the road isn’t exactly a good idea. It’s not exactly a bad idea either, though.

So there it is.

The drive was nice. The weather was chilly, but also nice. Two of the four state parks I visited were nothing short of breath taking. I can still close my eyes and feel both in awe and at peace. The other two were quite nice as well. I read quite a bit, which I enjoyed. True, raw bits of nature really excite me. As does exploring new places and new things. I only wish I had someone to share it with.

In all of my time spent driving and walking and thinking — always thinking — I did learn a few things, which I guess makes it all worthwhile in the end.

#1. I am responsible for my own happiness. As much as I’d like to be able to lean on my friends, my family, and my wife for happiness, when all else fails, I’m still left with myself. I am my own last resort.

#2. I am responsible for no one other than myself, the child I brought into this world, and any commitments I have made until they are either fulfilled or broken by someone else.

#3. While there are plenty of things (friends, sex, drugs) in this world that can make me feel better, relying on them will only lead to absolute breakdown when they are unavailable when I need them most.

Ha ha hahaha. Just kidding.

Lost Maples an 8 hour drive for me, each way, and I’ll have to do it alone which exactly what I don’t need right now. Additionally, right now on weekends, Lost Maples has a 3 hour way to get in. So Lost Maples is out.

I had started making plans to head toward Arkansas for the weekend, but I just couldn’t work it out to where i was happy. Then the best plan ever finally hit me. I’m headed for central Texas including Colorado Bend State Park.

Here it is. Times are rough because, hell, it’s a road trip. (view route on Google Maps)

SATURDAY
5:00am: Leave Home
7:00am: Arrive at Cleburne State Park (Cleburne, TX)
* Enjoy Cleburne State Park
9:00am: Leave Cleburne State Park
10:30am: Arrive at Lake Whitney State Park (Whitney, TX)
* Enjoy Lake Whitney State Park
1:30pm: Leave Lake Whitney State Park
3:30pm: Arrive at Mother Neff State Park (Moody, TX)
* Enjoy Mother Neff State Park
* Sunset
6:00pm: Leave Mother Neff State Park
7:00pm: Arrive at hotel in Killeen, TX
* Dinner

SUNDAY
4:45am: Get ready
5:15am: Leave Hotel
7:00am: Arrive at Colorado Bend State Park (Bend, TX)
* Enjoy Colorado Bend State Park
11:00am: Leave Colorado Bend State Park
* Lunch
3:30pm: Arrive at Mineral Wells State Park (Mineral Wells, TX)
* Enjoy Mineral Wells State Park
6:00pm: Leave Mineral Wells State Park
8:00pm: Arrive Home

First of all, TokBox requires no installation. You can simply visit the TokBox website and it will log you in, alert you to calls, show you a list of your friends, and allow you to leave public and private video messages. However, if you’d prefer to have an installed client, TokBox offers an Adobe Air based install that sits in your task tray and acts just like you’d expect it to.

Secondly, for calling existing users of the service, TokBox does not require an account. For instance, I have an account. If you visit my TokBox page you will see the option to call me or leave me a video message even if you don’t have a ToxBox account. Go ahead. Try it. I’ll even put a shirt on for you, just in case. This makes it very easy to include a link on your website, or send one via email to your mom or grandmother. They don’t have to jump through signup hoops, or do anything more than click the big fat button that says “VIDEO CALL”. And, if you’re not available, it’ll let them leave a message. No install. No signup. No nothing.

It supports video conferencing. This is fairly unique to TokBok. Stickam allows for multiple users to talk and view each other, but it’s done under the pretense of video chatting in the room of a particular user. Other services like UStream and Justin.TV allow you to broadcast to whoever is willing to watch which can be manipulated to act like video conferencing if you’re that dedicated, but it’s not quite the same. TokBox does it easy and simply. It’ll even let you invite non-TokBox users to the conference. You’re provided a URL that, when used, will bring participants right into the group, no account required.

Finally, because it’s just a URL that you visit in a web browser, it works anywhere. Paste the link to your buddy on MSN or Google Talk. Email it to someone. Twitter it. Put it on your blog. Whatever.

There is one subset of Video Chatting that TokBox doesn’t work well for. If you’re into broadcasting live video to many viewers who will not be actively participating in conversation and providing a video stream, you probably want UStream, Stickam, or Justin.TV. This is true even if some of them will be sharing video back or will be participating in typed conversation but you desire the conversation to be one-on-one.

So check it out. Visit TokBox and sign up for an account or visit my TokBox page and see how it works before you commit.

If you follow me on Twitter (as you very well should) you may have witnessed my consideration of making an impromptu Road Trip last Saturday morning. Well, those thoughts have not subsided. Maybe I’ll have better luck if I start thinking about it now, two days earlier.

I’d like to visit the Lost Maples State Natural Area. I’ve been talking about doing this for several years now and simply never have. The point of the trip is to see and photograph the leaves changing colors as it features a large, isolated stand of uncommon Uvalde Bigtooth Maple. According to the 2008 Foliage Color Change Report, last weekend was probably a better weekend to visit. A lot of the Maples have dropped their leaves thanks to the wind. On the good side, the Red Oaks are starting to change.

Of course that’s only the purpose, because it helps to aim your car in some direction if you have a purpose. The best part about Road Trips is what happens in all the unplanned parts, and how your plans twist into something even better than originally planned. I love Road Trips.

If I leave Friday night I figure I’ll stop off in Austin or San Antonio for the evening then head out again the next morning. If I leave Saturday morning, I’ll just head straight there. If I leave by 6am I should be there in time for a nice look around before sunset. For the return trip I’m planning to leave around noon. Leaving on Monday just gives me one extra day and can always be decided upon at the last minute.

If I do the Saturday through Sunday trip, I’ll have just enough time for a little hike and then a sunset. Then do a sunrise, and then have another little hike. Then head home. From sunset to sunrise I’ll bum around Kerrville, look for diners, decaying buildings, and things that would make for interesting night photography. I might also sleep. Maybe.

Of course if I do the Friday through Monday trip, I’ve got a lot more time. I can goof off in Austin or San Antonio Friday night. Take my time getting out to Lost Maples Saturday morning. And I’ll have a whole extra day for exploring or allowing for alternate impromptu plans.

I will get up pretty damn early regardless of where we are or how our plans change only because I really like sunrises. You’re welcome to sleep in the hotel room, car, field, barn, boat house, or whereever it was we ended up the night before if you’d prefer not to get up early. I won’t let the pigs nibble your ears too much.

So.. who’s in? Three people (plus myself) is about the maximum group size to make it fun and dynamic. I do pretty well by myself, but I’d much rather have someone with me.

Let me know SOON, because I need to book hotels and/or find couches to crash on in Austin/San Antonio and Kerrville.

First the good.

The phone is beautiful. It feels nice in the hand. The included case is attractive, easy to get the phone out of, and provides great protection. The keyboard, though a bit tight at first, is easy to get to. Outside of the case, the phone feels nice though it could do well to have a bit more grip. A silicone case should help. The screen is vibrant and has plenty of resolution. Buttons are well placed and mostly intuitive.

As far as the HARDWARE goes, this phone deserves top ratings. It’s the software that I have big issues with.

Getting the phone setup in the beginning is difficult. There are lots of settings and they are spread out in many non-intuitive locations.

The Active Today screen that provides updates on the status of your email, text messages, and mobile service is cumbersome at best. The directional pad did not operate as expected and I found myself guessing incorrectly regarding what various buttons and menu choices would do.

The way data connections work are plain silly. Ideally, the phone would understand that, in most cases, a WiFi connection is better than a GPRS/EDGE connection. It should at least give me the option of switching seamlessly between the two. Instead, most applications require you to set a connections and your choice is either a WiFi connection or a GPRS connection. Even switching to another WiFi connection requires work. An application called PsilocConnect (which costs extra) is supposed to help with this. You choose the PsilocConnect connection. It then either chooses any available WiFi connection or a GPRS connection when WiFi is unavailable. This makes sense and works pretty well except when you have an application that doesn’t allow you to choose the PsilocConnection. Then the fight with each other and the only real loser is the user.

Messaging is the killer app on Mobile and the Nokia E71 software fails in every possible way.

It supports PUSH email, which is great. But the implementation is limited. The phone will either poll at intervals and download the entire message when it does, or it will support PUSH but only download the headers and fail to reconnect if the data connection is interrupted. I could be wrong here. The settings screen for setting up this part of email was very difficult to understand and the manual shed no additional light. If I over looked something, then it certainly wasn’t because I didn’t try. Using 3rd party email applications didn’t help either. BlueWhaleMail was the closest, but still not quite right. Emoze was buggy. Nokia’s Email Service also didn’t function reliably and seems to have a one email account limitation.

The Nokia also didn’t seem to come with any IM applications. No gTalk, AIM, MSN,Yahoo, Jabber, nothing. There are some 3rd party options available here as well. I tried a few with limited success. None seemed to be really well designed, intuitive, or easy to use. Additionally, most of them required additional purchase.

Even the Nokia PC Suite was buggy. I couldn’t import my Yahoo Address book export no matter how hard I tried. In many cases the PC Suite had trouble realizing the phone was connected. It crashed fairly regularly. The built in messaging applications were very slow if they worked at all.

Even simple things like lighting up and sounding some kind of alert when a Bluetooth device attempts to connect were not implemented. I attempted to use a Bluetooth GPS device but the phone didn’t seem to accept that. It’s own built in GPS application never fully indicated location.

In conclusion, the phone hardware seems outstanding and well built. It’s the Symbian OS that needs to catch up with the iPhones and Blackberrys of the world. When you consider the fact that these phones are not really being subsidized by any US carrier, this means that customers are expected to pay full price as well. This just isn’t going to happen with so many other options available with software that actually works as expected.

I know Julie.
I know Bob.

I work with Julie.
I work with Bob.

I befriended Julie.
I befriended Bob.

I like Julie.
I like Bob.

I trust Julie.
I trust Bob.

I owe Julie.
I owe Bob.

I love Julie.
I love Bob.

I touch Julie.
I touch Bob.

I am committed to Julie.
I am committed to Bob.

I marry Julie.
I marry Bob.

None of the other words we use to describe relationships and feelings between people in the English language require a gender identifier. Why should marriage?

Earlier this year I looked at both Disqus and Intense Debate. I weighed each of their merits and drawbacks. I even had phone conversations with then CEO of Intense Debate, Tom Keller, in hopes of coming to an agreement about the future of Intense Debate. In the end, I finally decided on Disqus.

And now I’m changing my mind.

Comparison

Both services get the core right. You can leave comments on various blogs. Your reputation and comments are stored centrally (view my profile) and go with you from site to site. Threading is supported as is advanced comment moderation and spam control. The devil is in the details.

In the past 9 months, Disqus has added OpenID support. However, it was hacked on in such a poor fashion that it’s not even worth mentioning. Despite my complaints and the complaints of many others, this has not been fixed. Intense Debate already had working OpenID support that behaves as you’d expect, and that hasn’t changed.

Both Disqus and Intense Debate upped their plugin technology to allow moving from system to system that much easier. This shows great pride in their work on both sides and is commendable.

Intense Debate has added Reply By Email functionality. And, in fact, has done so in a lightly better way than Disqus because of the additional moderation options available directly from email. Disqus already had Reply By Email.

Intense Debate still looks nicer. Of course this is subjective. However, I feel that not only is the interface more attractive, it’s easier to use and easier to find what I’m looking for. Disqus has made some small improvements in this arena over the last 9 months, but it’s nothing drastic.

Intense Debate offers integration with Twitter and some really cool integration features with FriendFeed. The appear to have more integration ideas on the horizon. I notice little tiny things all the time. For instance, if I am logged into my blog but not logged into Intense Debate, some magic happens (is it OpenID based? or just plugin based?) and it automatically logs me in. That’s just smart.

Intense Debate was also recently brought into the Automattic family, the fine folks behind WordPress. This leads me to believe that Intense Debate will be the innovator of the two. Features and flexibility are what make tools like this successful and useful.

Intense Debate allows unregistered users to, not only comment, but receive notification of replies. Disqus claims they are adding this, but I haven’t seen it. Even though registration is a piece of cake and has lots of benefits, users are reluctant to fill out another signup sheet. I get that. So, with Intense Debate, they can still get notification of replies.

Disqus wins in only two areas.

First of all, Disqus has a “claim comments” feature. This is nice for those who have been leaving comments on Intense Debate enabled sites without registering and then finally decide to take the plunge. I’d like to see Intenese Debate enable this using both URLs and EMail addresses (both confirmed first, of course). Then as new sites bring their old comments into Intense Debate, I can claim the comments I’ve left there as well.

Secondly, Disqus seems to have a better uptime record. I’ve seen Disqus go down once. I’ve seen Intense Debate fail several times and, considering that I wasn’t using their service, I would imagine that means it probably happened even more often than I saw. However, their move to Automattic should certainly help this. And everyone has growing pains, I’m certainly not going to spend too much time harping on this unless it becomes a real problem.

So, with all of this considered, Intense Debate is the right tool for me right now. And I think it’s the right tool for you too.

Installation

If you have WordPress, installation could not be easier. You install a plugin, you answer a few questions, you sign up for an Intense Debate account, and you’re done. It automatically syncs all of your old comments into Intense Debate and keeps them synced just in case you decide to stop using it in the future.

Of course, my writing this is coming at a bad time. Because of their move to Automattic, Intense Debate is currently closed for adding new blogs to invite only. You can still sign up for an account, but you can’t install it on your blog without an invite code. I managed to get one from my friend Joel (who happens to run a very funny online comic called Hijinks Ensue) but I don’t think they are all that easy to come by. Worry not. Sign up for an account now and let me know your interest and, as soon as I can find some codes I’ll let you know. UPDATE (2008-11-12): IntenseDebate no longer requires an invite code. GO WILD!

Commenters, read this!

(Those of you reading this in LiveJournal, Facebook, or any of the other millions of places this gets syndicated to, you will of course, have to visit my actual site to see and use these features.)

Intense Debate works for you as much as it does for me. If you like a comment (or don’t) use the up (or down) arrows next to each one to promote them. Additionally, take a few seconds and sign up, or just use your OpenID (any Google, Yahoo, MSN, or LiveJournal account is an OpenID, among many others) and you can sign in to Intense Debate like that. The features is provides are well worth it and it only takes a few seconds. At the very least, be sure to supply your email address when you comment so you can get replies sent to you.

This can be an awesome quality. My boss loves me. My customers love me. Anyone who has ever had to coolaborate with me is full of nothing but compliments. My financial planner and I are on board. Any establishment I’ve bought anything from ever thinks I’m one of their best customers. Like I said, it’s an awesome quality.

But, it can also be terrible. In an extreme, imagine the following car buying scenario. I’m 18. I’m buying my first car. I don’t have a lot of money. A used Honda Civic seems to be a good choice. It’s small, great on gas, and dependable. But then I get to thinking, some day I’ll have a family and I might need to move something heavy on a moments notice. Maybe a brand new 9-seater SUV with a towing package would be a better choice? Of course, at 18, I couldn’t even afford the gas for the SUV, let alone the vehicle itself. I would be so stuck in the decision making state that the end result would be buying nothing at all.

Thankfully, I’m not that bad. My first car was a 1980s model Volkswagen Fox named Roxanne. But the point is, I could easily get that bad. And I am that bad when it comes to other decisions, relationships, vacation planning, and the like.

As you can see, this can be both a virtue and a fault. As a virtue, it comes naturally. I have to work at keeping it from being a fault.

It remains a goal of mine to be more impulsive and to seek the company of those who encourage it. I also constantly remind myself that the best choice for right now may not always be the best choice for tomorrow. I regularly have to convince myself that sometimes it’s okay to destroy your work from the past to build something better for now and that planning to destroy what’s been built at some point in the future is an okay thing to do.

But I’m going to try anyway. NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)! Sure, I missed two days this month already, but, at least I’m starting you out with the right expectations.

Every time I look at the “word” NaBloPoMo it makes me think it has something to do with blood. The “Blo” is obvious there. I guess I think the “Po” is some take on Phlebotomy. Who knows.

Last night I saw two amazing artists in concert.

First, there was Kaki King. She’s a brilliant, beautiful woman, with some mean guitar and a voice that is pure magic. She’s got some amazing music videos on YouTube worth checking out. The art of the videos themselves really compliments her talent. And, if you just want to be in awe of her guitarist prowess, check out this live clip of her playing on David Letterman. Simply amazing.

She was followed by The Mountain Goats, a totally different variety of brilliant. With strong lyrics and emotive vocals, John Darnielle leads the audience through an amazing setlist, perforated with Kaki King on guitar playing some of the tracks from their collaborative album, The Black Pear EP, including the amazing Mosquito Repellent (sorry for the bad audio in that link).

Aside from the show being incredible, it was performed at the Granada, in my opinion, one of the bestmusic venues I’ve been to in DFW. Not only is the building interesting well laid out, the sound and light techs there always perform an outstanding job.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, I got to claim the beautiful, amazing, incredible Erica as my date. She was dressed pulling no punches whatsoever. I considered taking a photograph to share with you all and then decided I would just keep this one all to myself. Consider my selfish. I don’t mind.

The only problem with such an amazing yesterday is that today stands such little chance of living up to that standard.

C’est la vie.

Adulthood: A few years ago I went as Charlie Brown… at age 30: Balding, and a drunk wearing his signature shirt covered in stains.

2. Worst/best Halloween candy?
Sometimes you feel like a Nut, sometimes you Don’t.

Almond Joy and Mounds fun sized candy bars are my favorites. Candy Corn, those super chewy peanut butter things, and any “Brachs” candy (except the Caramels) are by far the worst.

3. What are your plans for Halloween? Or the weekend? Or November 1?
Skwid’s Party on the night of 10/31. If I finish my costume today it’ll be awesome. If not, I’ll be me. Either way, I’m bringing a camera and some lighting stuffs too.

Sunrise photos on the morning of 11/1.

Maybe a party with some work people on the night of 11/1. Maybe. BIG Maybe.

Coffee and sunday service with a friend on the morning of 11/2.

Seeing The Mountain Goats Show on the night of 11/2.

Yeah. BUSY WEEKEND!

4. What’s your favorite pumpkin-related thing to eat? Or to make?
I LOOOOOOOOOVE pumpkin seeds. The “David’s” white ones all coated in salty water residue are ok. But fresh ones made in your own oven coated lightly with sea salt. Mmmmm. That’s the best.

I also like pumpkin pie. I don’t think I’ve ever had one made from “pumpkin” vs. being made from “pumpkin pie filling in a can”. I wonder if there is a difference. Does ANYONE make pumpkin pie without the can these days?

5. BTTW/WTTW
BTTW: My wife being awesome, and my friend being awesome.
WTTW: The layoffs at work.

Top 3 audio …
Used to Get High – John Butler Trio
None Shall Pass – Aesop Rock
San Bernardino – The Mountain Goats

There are hundreds of sites begging people to put their cool links into them (delicious.com and the like). But none of them really let you customize the site and make it your own. On top of that, almost every piece of social networking software has some form of link sharing built in (like FaceBook) but most of them are exclusive to the members of that site and require a bunch of hoops to make things start flowing. There’s StumbleUpon which is awesome for finding new content and sharing it but not so good at keeping that content organized or sharing it in a customizable fashion. I find myself sharing lots of things with lots of people in lots of ways, but each of them locked up to a subset of users in it’s own less than desirable way.

And then there is Tumblr.

They are smart enough to not link a single account to a single site. So, any account can post to multiple sites, create sites of its own, or not have any associated sites. They also allow multiple contributors to sites and even allow private posting (though you have to be a member to view).

They offer complete customization even allowing the use of sites like Google Analytics for traffic analysis and Disqus to enable comments.

Their approach to content is intriguing. From short blurbs, to chats, to text posts, to photos, to videos, to audio, to reblogging… the site is based around the concept of formatting differently for different media types and excels at displaying whatever it is you put into it.

It can be used to share links, photos, thoughts, or just about anything else on the web. While most of it’s users tend to focus on sharing found content, it is certainly suited to hosting original content as well.

So, with all that, I’m going to begin using it to share the interesting things I find online. Should I find the content becomming to heavy in anyone topic, starting a new Tumblr specifically for that topic is a piece of cake.

The good news to you is that, you don’t have to sign up for anything to follow along. Just visit my Tumblr and bookmark, subscribe in the RSS reader of your choice, add to LiveJournal (Try LJUser: revjim_tumblr), follow in FriendFeed, ignore it all together or, really, whatever makes you happiest.

I will more than likely start a second Tumblr for the interesting links and photos of a … less than pure nature. Drop me an email if you’re interested in a link.

I’m a photographer, damn it! And it’s about time I started acting like one.

Sure, I always have a camera with me. I mean always.

Even on busy work days when I know there is no chance I’ll ever even take off the lens cap, I bring a camera with me. Probably a tripod too, just in case.

When the chances of taking photographs are even slightly greater than that, I bring two cameras with me. You know, something quick and easy, and then something more elaborate in case the occasion allows for it. And, just to be safe, I bring a bigger tripod.

If the chances of there being people involved are high, I bring lights as well. And stands. And remote triggers. And modifiers. I keep it all packed in a light bag ready to go, just in case.

Yes. I’m that bad. Really.

Just ask my wife. When we go out of the house — anywhere — I have more bags and equipment to carry than both she and the baby put together.

I take lots of photographs. And I edit lots of photographs. Just look at all the images in this post that I’ve processed recently. I don’t actually take any photographs.

So what’s the problem?

First of all, despite always being prepared, I don’t take nearly as many photographs as I could. Yeah. That’s me. I’m the dumbass lugging around all this gear and doing absolutely nothing with it. I have the time, the knowledge, and the equipment. Yet I don’t use any of it. When I do take photographs, it’s because I actually planned to and not because the moment just struck me.

Secondly, I have no new photography projects that I am currently working on. I have a backlog of unedited images that just don’t seem all that urgent since no one knows they exist but me. I have no new models lined up. I have no new location prospects. I have no new items on my long list of ideas in need of a model, prop, or location.

In other words, the photographs I am taking, while awesome in their own right, aren’t anything new or challenging or experimental or difficult.

It’s just not right.

And I intend to change that.

Starting now.

First of all, I’ll be taking more photos while I’m out and about. Not in that annoying “oh my god if you take one more photo of me with that damn flash in my face I swear I’m going to kick you in the balls” way as Kyro is prone to. More like the “oh my god, why is the paparazzi here? is there someone famous here?” that Jonathan exudes when he does what he does. Except with an added touch of “why is he taking a picture of THAT?” and “oh my god that photographer is HOOOOOOOOT” and “please, Mr. Photographer, take my picture have let me have 10,000 of your babies”.

Second of all, I’m detailing some new projects to work on and I’ll be revisiting some old projects. Many of them will require models. By models I mean YOU.

It’s difficult to use a model for a project that I’m not already comfortable working with. So, volunteer. Right now. Right this second. Tell me you’re interested in being in one of my projects and let’s set up a time to do a quick session and get to know eachother. Or if you have a project idea of your own, let’s hear it. Now. Don’t wait.

Finally, I’ll be making a more directed attempt at visiting new places that are photographically interesting and scouting new locations for photo sessions. If you like driving around aimlessly, standing in for test shots, and causing trouble with the locals, then you certainly want to come along with me. So say something. Now.

Stay tuned. You won’t want to miss this.

This Saturday, November 1st, I’m heading out to Eisenhower State Park for some sunrise photography on the lake followed by a nice hike on some of the park’s outstanding trails. The plan is to arrive there around 6:15am.

If you’re interested in photographing, being in photographs, hiking, or just watching the sunrise, let me know.

Yes, this is the morning after Skwid’s Halloween party. That makes it a no-go for many of you.

It has been said that there is a time and a place for everything. Right now, I feel out of place and without time for anything.

Maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I’m so driven that I’m missing subtle queues. Maybe I just never knew how to detect them in the first place. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe I need to push myself even more than before. Or maybe I shouldn’t be trying at all. Between the amount of guilt I feel and my ever decreasing self-esteem, it’s amazing I ever actually enjoy anything I do or have any people in my life that I really care about.

Maybe I need to pull deep inside myself. I could be that guy who always says he’s going to do something or be somewhere and then, at the last minute, decide not to go. The limits the amount of complaining I’d have to hear from people who want me to go and yet would still allow me to stay by myself away from people. I’ll stop answering emails and IMs and immediately as possible. I’ll stop doing favors for people. I might even outright ignore a message or two just because I want to. I might not even return some phone calls.

Maybe I need higher standards and a stronger code for what I’ll accept from others. I’ve always been very open both with myself and with others. I’ve always opted to let people do what people will do and have tried very hard not to let their lifestyle choices influence their worth to me. I’ve always been more than willing to let transgressions slide when presented with a reasonable excuse or explanation. I’ve always tried to find the good in people. Maybe I need to be more selective about who I associate with. Maybe I need to be more strict about what I’m willing to accept. Maybe I need to weed out those that don’t represent an immediate or future value to me. Maybe I need to shy away from those that threaten my current line of thought.

Maybe I need lower standards and a weaker code for myself. I’ve always held myself to nearly impossible standards in all aspects of life: at work, at home, with friends, to my country. Not do I constantly consider such things and occupy lots of time and energy on them, but, should I falter in some way, I beat myself up severely over it. Maybe I need to be less honest. Maybe I should be less up front, less truthful. Maybe when I feel I need it, I should manipulate people into saying things or doing things that will help me or make me feel better.

I don’t actually believe that any of this will make my life better and I’m almost certain I would like the person I would become even less than I like the person I am now. But there are lots of people practicing these exact same things and they seem to be sticking by it. Maybe it’s just one of those things you have to try to understand.

Now.

This whole “real life” thing is bullshit.

Ugh.

But, In order to motivate me to actually start life again, I will provide a few pros to NOT being at a burn event:

• Eating a meal at which your hands do not serve as both your eating utensils and your napkin.
• Walking into a bathroom that doesn’t already have so much shit in it that you can see it plainly, without a flashlight at night. “Man, it smells like shit in there”.
• Air Conditioning.
• A shower.

Much love to the Frenchies, the honorary Frenchies, and the occupants of hotel French Camp alike.

Fuck You, French Camp. My dick is super-sized! Your dick is like two fries!

Now, I must shower and go to work. Yes, work. Like, a job that doesn’t involve walking around in the dirt while intoxicated pretending to do something useful.

I’ll have photos up eventually.