A Jersey City firefighter asked a fire dispatcher which was the best route into Hoboken, and the dispatcher replied: “Take your pick – every one of them is flooded.”

– The Jersey Journal – April 16th, 2007

Allow me to tell you the story of two fates each battling one another for the outcome of my life. It’s filled with foreshadowing, espionage, treason, and downright trickery. I’ve only had a few times in my life where I actually considered the thought that the breaths I was taking right that moment may be my last. This was one of them.

My story starts back last Friday night. If you recall, I grossly over packed my bag, preparing for a one night trip to New York City. At the time even I believed that the majority of the provisions I was stocking away would not be needed or used. But I was bringing them anyway. I’m glad I did.

During my drive up on Saturday I talked to my Mom that lives in Northern New York for about two hours. She warned my about the “Nor’Easter” that was headed towards New England and how it could potentially produce a lot of rain and snow. My mom tends to over worry, so I chalked it up as a warning and not much more.

I parked deep in the bowels of a parking garage in Hoboken as is required by “daily” customers, a fact that would prove problematic the next day. Then I jumped on the PATH and made it to Rachel’s apartment in about an hour.

We wandered about the city. We drank wine and ate tapas at a hopping night spot. Then we hit a Russian bar (the one supposedly preferred by Kurt Vonnegut) for carafe after carafe of fruit infused Russian vodka. Then we hit a burlesque club down in the village which led late into the evening. By this time, I was pretty well gone, which isn’t all that common for me. We stopped by the apartment briefly and then went to a diner for late night breakfast before going back to the apartment to pass out.

Sunday I was hungover. At least, that’s what I think it was. I’ve never had a hangover before. My head pounded. The sound of rain drops splashing onto the shell of the A/C window unit producing a syncopated throb in all the vessels in my brain. Moving hurt. Talking hurt. Walking hurt. Eating was out of the question. But I got up and we went out for lunch. I ate bread and water at what seemed like an amazing French place specializing in more kinds of cheese than I could have ever dreamed existed.

By the time we left the restaurant, the rain was pouring hard. When the rain pours, it’s hard to find a cab so we resigned to taking the subway. However, less than a block down the road we manage to find a cab. This proves to be quite instrumental in the timing of my departure. The cab goes by Rachel’s place to drop us off when I decide that, since we have the cab, I may as well just run up, get my bag and get a drop off at the PATH train. The driver takes me right to a PATH entrance and I dart down inside (without an umbrella) to find a train.

Believe it or not, even this next part is important. Remember all that water I drank? Well, now I had to pee — Bad. I didn’t realize it then, but this 15 minute delay now would prove to precious later on, adjusting my time to a very specific window. I ran into the connected mall, found a bathroom and bought an umbrella. Then I loaded myself onto the PATH trained and started loathing the bumps and jostles even before they began. I surfaced in Hoboken and began walking the 6 blocks to my car noticing at least 10 overturned umbrellas on the streets.

As I rounded the corner to my street I stopped in my tracks. The street was flooded. The water was rushing down the street and, as I stared in awe, firetrucks rushed up and barricaded the street corners to prevent drivers from attempting what may have been impossible.

I wasn’t sure what to do. That street was not only the only way to go to get to my car, it was the street I’d have to drive on to get out. A quick walk around the block and I realized that finding a place to stay for the night in Hoboken may not be the best idea. I didn’t even know if heading back to New York would be possible because I knew the water would soon reach the tunnel to the PATH train which meant the train might not have been running, or, worse would have been flooded mid-trip. So, I decided it was now or never.

In Hoboken, PATH entrances inside the terminal were closed and blocked with sandbags, but service continued on time. Passengers had to use the outside elevator on the bus side of the station to access PATH trains.

– The Record – April 16th, 2007

I walked to the other end of the street and approached the garage from a slightly better angle. After making it past the rushing water I remembered that I was parked in the basement of this garage. I knew that couldn’t be good. As I made the last corner in the garage my fears came true. The basement was flooded. Not only was it flooded, it was still in the process of flooding. Water was rushing in from under the doors and the water under my car had almost reached the floorboards. After evaluating my options and the best angle, I hiked up my pant legs and waded up to mid-shin in grimy parking garage water complete with floating rat traps and what I believe was at least one dead rat carcass.

Driving out of the garage wasn’t too difficult aside from the fact that my legs were freezing cold from the water. Thankfully, I had that extra change of clothes in my bag, but I wasn’t ready to stop just yet; I had a lot more city to clear before I’d be willing to stop. At the street level I just decided to go for it. I drove the wrong way on a 1-way street to get away from the flood water. By the time I pulled out of the garage, what should have taken 1 hour had taken 3.

My knowledge of Hoboken is limited. Very limited. The only directions I had led to flooded roads. The alternate routes I was able to quickly deduce were also flooded. Following a few cars out of sheer hope led only to more flooded roads. I watched an SUV wash under an overpass as something further up broke loose sending a surge of water down the street. I eventually made a guess that heading North would lead to higher ground and went for it. I had to pee again, bad, but I wasn’t stopping until I was almost certain I was out.

When I finally felt safe for the moment, I found a gas station. Despite my begging and offering to pay him, the owner refused to allow me access to his restroom. I intend to send him a nice surprise in the next few days to thank him for his help. A little further down the road, and nearly ready to explode, I found place to stop quickly. Moments later I found a freeway and drove west out of New Jersey as quickly as I could.

About half way to Pennsylvania I was getting sick from the heater in the car and yet my legs and feet were still frozen solid from the wading. I pulled over on the side of the freeway and changed my clothes. I felt much better.

30 minutes further and I was almost to the Delaware Gap leading into Pennsylvania when the traffic came to a halt. For about 30 minutes we stood there, unmoving. I would find that less than 15 minutes prior to my passing, the water on the mountains above filled up behind the retaining walls, cracked through them and threw large boulders on to the highway below, breaking a big hole in the cement barrier lining either side. A large truck was parked in the far lane to prevent any further falling rocks from hitting cars and traffic was moving through one lane.

The rest of the drive was a white knuckled adventure through rain and sleet and snow with the temperatures just dancing near the freezing point. I made it to my hotel just after midnight. A 5 hour trip took 9 hours. I was fighting sleep, cold, sore, and hungover. I took a quick shower in case I picked something up in the basement and went to bed ending one of the most stressful, terrifying, and lonely days I had lived thus far.

Follow this closely. Peyton Strickland, along with two of his friends, allegedly beat a college student and took the two PlayStation 3 gaming consoles he had just purchased and then fled to Peyton’s house. Police raided the house with a battering ram and weapons drawn. Christopher Long, a sheriff’s deputy, opened fire during the raid “killing the unarmed teenager”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/04/teen.shot.ap/index.html and his dog. Long, the police office, was fired from the department and Strickland’s family filed charges against him for the murder of their son. The murder charge was dismissed. However, the jury foreman came forward yesterday and indicated to the court that the dismissal was unintended due to an error he made when filling out the indictment form. Apparently, “he checked ‘yes’ when he meant to check ‘no’”. Um, Mr Foreman… I think I see your chads hanging.

More on the James Kim story: Authorities have confirmed that the road on which they were travelling should not have been open in the first place. The metal gate usually restricting passage on this road “had it’s lock cut by Vandals”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/08/missing.family.ap/index.html. In even more news, a mapping error has been corrected and it is now evident that James Kim did not walk 10 miles as originally stated, but instead “walked 16 miles”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/11/missing.family.ap/index.html before dying of exposure.

If you thought finding your friends in little Georgia towns like “Dewy Rose”, “Experiment”, “Retreat”, “Wooster” and “Chattoogaville” or any of 488 other communities was hard, it’s even harder now that “they’ve been removed from the official map”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/08/map.deletions.ap/index.html. If I lived in one of these towns, I think I’d remake our local maps of Georgia to not include Atlanta. It’ll be awfully hard to send in those State Income taxes with only a non-existent city to send them to.

According to Merriam-Webster, the “word of the year for 2006 is Truthiness”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/09/word.year.ap/index.html. Stephen Colbert, inventor of the word, commented stating “Though I’m no fan of reference books and their fact-based agendas, I am a fan of anyone who chooses to honor me”.

An confused, excommunicated Roman Catholic archbishop is “calling celibacy outdated”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/10/archbishop.marriage.ap/index.html as he installs married priests as bishops. I’ve never believed that celibacy was effective at ensuring the attention and commitment of the followers of any religion. And reform is a good thing. However, this seems to be a bit like one congressman single-handedly starting socialism within the United States: it just isn’t going to happen. When your beliefs differ this greatly from what is “common” or “accepted”, and most people either disagree with you or don’t feel your cause is worth fighting for, you’re better of finding a new group to join.

What an amazing man!

I’m sure, in the same situation — lost in treacherous, snow covered mountains and out of gas — there are many people that would walk down the road a bit to see how close help might be or what lingered just around the corner. But, dressed as he was, most of us would run back to the car shivering and begging for warmth. James Kim knew how cold it was outside: he’d been in and out of the car for 9 days. But he decided that the best thing to do for his family would be to seek help, despite the pain of the cold and the long arduous walk ahead of him. Few people would make that sacrifice. Most of those who did would turn back after a mile, at most, heading back to the warmth. But James Kim continued on for 10 miles (“see the path he took”:http://www.layoutscene.com/james-kim-path/index.html) before he could physically go on no more. James Kim is a true hero.

“E. Coli outbreak thanks to Taco Bell Green Onions”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/12/07/e.coli.outbreak/index.html

84 have been sickened by the outbreak so far. Is it just me or is there a whole lot of E. Coli going around lately? First there was the Spinach last September. Then that same company recalled some lettuce in October. And of course, in those same two months there were cases of botulism toxin being found in carrot juice in both the US and Canada. Now green onions from Taco Bell aren’t safe. When are we going to learn that the Industrial Food Supply is bad. I’ve been preaching this to those that would listen for quite a while now.

First, it limits the variety of fruits and vegetables available to us by pushing out most local growers. This destroys local culture oriented around food and eliminates regional varieties of even more common foods.

Over time, the expectation of what foods are available to most consumers has been condensed. Seeking to produce the “best” produce for the lowest price, the Industrial Food Manufacturers have consolidated production and distribution into the most efficient locations for each specific food. So all of the citrus fruit, for instance, in the produce section of your local mega-mart comes from a very limited number of places. This means that local minerals and nutrients are no longer present in the soil that our food is grown in and, therefore, no longer in the food that is grown.

By having the majority of our food grown in only a few places, we also open ourselves up to the threat of individuals and organizations with mal intent by having a nearly single point of entry into the American Food Supply for the injection of toxins and other biological agents.

Even without the threat of terrorism, by engineering and controlling almost every degree of the food we eat, we open ourselves up to potential problems that we never even considered. What if those new Grape flavored Apples (“Grapples”:http://www.grapplefruits.com/) that I’ve seen on the shelf become common place? What if, unknown to those producing the food, they contain some hidden element that is toxic to us. What if we don’t find out until it’s too late? Would anyone care for a Trans Fat? They’re delicious.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, did you know that the Industrial Food Supply is bad for the environment? As early as 1978 the problem was recognized in a book entitled “Eating Oil” which was published following the world’s first oil crisis in 1973. The book detailed the food industries reliance on fossil fuels. Today, “the situation is only worse”:http://www.truthout.org/cgi-bin/artman/exec/view.cgi/34/10314 with even more of our food coming from these environment harming industrial plants.

Having every bite of food you eat engineered and grown by one of five major companies just isn’t a good idea. Health and security risks aside, it ruins the rich culture surrounded by food and drastically reduces the average American pantry. 50 years ago, pancake mix wasn’t all that common. In 50 more years, will we even keep flour in our cupboards?

“An Ohio woman microwaved her one month old baby”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/12/07/baby.microwave.ap/index.html

Allegedly, of course. China Arnold, 26, is charged with killing her baby by putting her in a microwave. Even if she didn’t do it, someone put a child in a microwave oven and started it. Someone put a baby in a microwave and turned it on. Someone put a *child* in a *microwave oven* and started it.

I almost don’t believe it.

Human beings are sick by nature. It’s in our genes or something. Most of us suppress it. Some of us do not. I understand this. But this is beyond sick. This is an innocent child — a human life — killed in what must be one of the most cruel methods that one could kill another person. Whatever punishment this person receives will not be enough.

“If it’s not going to protect me, then what’s the government for, again?”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/12/08/town.guns.reut/index.html

A small town in Western Pennsylvania is encouraging its residents to purchase guns and learn how to use them in order to protect themselves in the event of a home intrusion. While I’m all for our right to bear arms and protect ourselves, I always believed that it was a *right* not a *requirement*. If I have to protect myself, then what am I paying my taxes for? Isn’t the majority of our Government’s job to protect its citizens? Sure, there’s public school. But, I’m not letting my kids into a public school if I have to sit out in front of it with a gun all day to protect them there too. And yeah, the road-ways are awfully nice, but certainly not worth what I pay in taxes. I can find other ways to get around. So what am I paying for?

“Tastes great and keeps the babies away”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/12/07/chewable.contraception.ap/index.html

A new chewable, spearmint flavored birth control pill has hit the market as if swallowing a tiny pill wasn’t easy enough. I wonder though: will women using this new variety have to worry about the bits of pill that get stuck in their teeth. I’d advise a good swish-and-swallow following each pill, just to be safe. Or, wait…. I know! Just swallow the new chewable, spearmint flavored pill.

“It’s fucking cold down here!”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/WEATHER/12/07/big.chill/index.html

Tom: And now to our weatherman Ollie Williams for the Blackie-Weather Forecast, Ollie?
Olie: IT’S RAININ’ SIDEWAYS!
Tom: Don’t you have an umbrella?
Olie: USED TO!
Tom: Where is it now?
Olie: INSIDE OUT TWO MILES AWAY!
Tom: Is there anything we can do for you?
Olie: BRING ME SOME SOUP!
Tom: What kind?
Olie: CHUNKY!
Tom: Thanks, Ollie. Up next, a pig that refuses to eat Jews. After this.

– The Family Guy

“Canada gets it right, again. Pack your bags.”:http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/12/07/canada.samesex/index.html?eref=rss_world

Canada’s House of Commons rejected Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s motion to reconsider the law allowing gays and lesbians to marry. So say we all.

I’m not gay. I don’t even know that many gay people. It doesn’t really affect me in any way if gays can marry or not. That’s not the point.

The point is this: if my government affords some form of luxury or special privilege to individuals who choose to socially and financially join themselves together, there should be no stipulation on the quantity, quality, or variety of person those individuals choose. You can name that relationship whatever you want. We’ve been calling it “marriage” for thousands of years, why stop now. Placing stipulations on who can obtain these luxuries is discrimination. Period. It doesn’t matter how that word is defined in a religious setting — there will be no church in my state, thank you very much.

Religious organizations, on the other hand, are private entities and should be entitled to any belief or discrimination they’d like to uphold. So if the Catholic Church, for instance, forbids gay marriage, that’s their choice. Any individual that chooses to remain a member of an organization that openly discriminates against himself is asking for pain and suffering.

Some people try to fight against gay marriage without playing the religion card. This is admirable, sure, but their argument is stupid. It is founded in the idea that the marriage of men and women has been woven into the fabric and culture of every civilization to have ever existed and that destroying that now could have unforeseen social ramifications that they’d rather not test. The problem with this argument is that there are a lot of aspects of our society that haven’t always been present that could have (and did have) unpredictable social implications. Look at electricity, television, and the automobile; Welfare and public health care systems; Interracial marriage; the separation of church and state; Women’s suffrage; the end of slavery; DEMOCRACY and CAPITALISM! These things all had unpredictable social implications but we went ahead with them anyway because we knew it was the right, proper, and FREE thing to do.

Gay marriage isn’t just about gays and lesbians being able to marry one another. It’s about FREEDOM. Not freedom for some. Not freedom for the majority. *FREEDOM for ALL*.

Happy 139th birthday.

Thank you for your beautiful cities, friendly people, high standard of living, and excellent fashion sense. You serve as an inspiration to peace-seeking nations and flannel-wearing populations alike. Your name means, simply, “village”, and you continue to uphold that meaning with your citizens and your visitors. You are the world’s true melting pot bringing in diverse cultures from all over the globe yet remaining distinctly, uniquely, Canadian. Your people share a strong environmental ethic, support for the rights of all people, a passion for hockey, a love for Tim Hortons, and a religious devotion to milk in a bag. Thank you, Canada, most of all for creating my beautiful, loving, passionate, quirky, and thoroughly Canadian “wife”:http://sivatonight.livejournal.com/. I am forever in your debt.

May your flag always wave high above your vast fields of wheat and grain, immense forests, large deposits of nickel, zinc, and gold, Rocky Mountains, beautiful coasts, expansive tundra, icy seas, and the 32.5 million kind, loving, two-four drinking, donut eating people that call you home.

Happy birthday, Canada, a nation I am proud to call my neighbor and my friend.

Love,
Jim