makes falling feel like flying

…. I did it.

So, last Sunday I jumped out of a plane. And I haven’t written anything here since then. Unless you follow me elsewhere, you might be wondering if I died. I guess sort of, in a way, I did die. Part of me anyway. One of those parts that really wasn’t doing me any good. But, in a purely physical sense, no, I’m quite alive.

I’m not really a thrill seeker. For me, sky diving was more about releasing control and enjoying the moment than it was about the adrenaline rush one gets from falling to their death for 60 seconds at 120mph, or floating 5,000ft over North Texas with nothing but some nylon and some rope keeping you stuck in the sky. Of course the adrenaline felt pretty good too.

But back to that death thing. The truth of the matter is, had there not been an experienced person strapped to my back willing to take control of the situation, I would be dead today. I almost entirely untrained. I would more than likely not been able to figure out how to operate my parachute or how to properly steer myself in for a landing or even find the Drop Zone. In addition, I made a mistake within the first second of leaving the plane that would have surely left me disoriented, unable to regain control, and, eventually, dead. But instead I have an entry in my log book that says “Awesome 360″.

So I did. I released control. I left my life and my child’s future in the hands of someone I just met with the only thing even resembling a guarantee of my safety being the unwritten pact between myself and my jump instructor that, he too, would like to come out of the jump alive and ready for the next. And we both did just fine.

The free fall is amazing. Air rushing past your face and yet the ground doesn’t seem to be getting any closer. It’s almost like you’re floating and the wind is blowing really hard at the same time. It doesn’t feel anything like falling. It’s flying. For 60 seconds, I was fucking superman. I even had X-ray vision. If you ever decide to jump with me you might want to think twice about getting in front of me. I’ll look.

I didn’t even notice that our parachute was being pulled. I knew it was about time because I’d been glancing at the altimeter. When it happened it took me a second to even figure out what it was. Suddenly my feet are pointing to the ground, I can feel my own weight resting on the straps at my groin, and the wind has stopped. Then the parachute fully catches, there’s a slight jerk, and that’s it. We’re not flying anymore, it’s more like controlled floating. The parachute works a lot like a hang-glider. You can steer the thing, make it fall faster or slower, turn in one direction, spin, spiral, whatever you want. The view is amazing.

Then we’re 150 feet or so off the ground and discussing our landing. Legs up at 20 feet, and we’re down. Heart pumping, skin tight, lungs taking in oxygen. You breathe. You look around. You have great respect and awe in that moment. You smile, you laugh, you hug your friends. If you’re me, you even ask a few of them to marry you. It’s just that kind of moment.

Within 30 minutes or so, I’m wondering why I’m not jumping out of plane again already.

The strangest and most unexpected part was the “afterglow”. I already run with a very high libido. This made it even more intense. Even if recreational drug use really is only a way to help us cope with what our society is lacking that we as human being require, this was the best damn drug I’ve ever been on.

I left part of me up there. Somewhere between the yellow belly of the plane and the bright green earth we live on a little chunk of me — a hard callous built up from too many pokes and stabs protecting some piece of me from feeling — tore itself free. I feel more capable of love, more ready for life, and less dependent on this silly society we’ve built around us having no idea what we were getting ourselves into at the time.

I’m jumping again in October. I think you should come too. And you really should click on the image in this post and buy yourself a copy. Because the next time I go, I’m bringing better photo gear, and you’re going to want to see those.

But… I’m still doing something. It’s been far too long since I spent a weekend focused on Photography. So that’s the goal.

So, these are my options. While I may sound sarcastic and downplaying of each of these, I really am quite excited to do any or all of them.

• Still go to Atlanta… Atlanta, TEXAS, that is. It was, after all, named after Atlanta, Georgia, so I’m sure it’s almost the same as the real thing. Once the destination is reached, just go where the photos take me. Possible sights include Atlanta State Park, Caddo Lake, Jefferson, and Daingerfield (one of my favorite state parks).
• Visit Shreveport, Louisiana. Spend the day photographing urban decay (like Mike Rosebery does), spend the evening playing craps at some stinky casino.
• Drive down to Austin and stop by Hippie Hollow to go skinny dipping for the first time ever, arguably legally.  Then spend the evening photographing Austin sights and night life. Probably visit Hamilton Pool as well.
• See how many Texas towns within 4 hours of my house with stolen/borrowed names I can visit in the course of a weekend. Palestine, Italy, Oakland, Athens, Buffalo, and Eureka, are just a few candidates on a very long list.

Who among you will bring your sense of adventure and join me? I promise as much fun, danger, excitement, and expression as you put into it — which really is saying I promise nothing.

At the same time, while a lot of what is written there is an ongoing conversation with people you may or may not care about, a lot of important stuff is said too, since the platform is so readily available throughout the day. So I’m going to try something new. Once a day, week, month, year, whatever works out in the end, I’m going to collect the important bits and use them as jumping off points for more thought and clarification.

Please, let me know what you think of this. As I’ve said many times before, while I write these words for me, if you’re not reading them they are pointless. Let me know if you like these all in one big post like this, or if I should spread them out into tinier posts throughout the day, or if I should just not do it at all.

# – We have been Wiifitted. Wee! Or rather, Wii!

It started out as a silly idea. I thought the WiiFit was an absurd idea for a “game” and at the same time, an absurd way to “work out”. In my mind, it didn’t fit either role very well. In practice, I was 100% right. However, it does have it’s own sense of charm. It takes all of the instruction, timing, counting and tracking out of exercise. While it doesn’t make certain you are doing the exercises correctly, it at least tries to make sure you stay balanced while you do them. That plus everything else, and it’s about 50% as good as a personal trainer that comes to your house whenever you want her to. And cheaper too.

I particularly like the strength exercises, the yoga practice, and the step aerobics. But, like others, # I find myself wishing the step aerobics were more varied. There are only two “courses” after which comes “free step” which is quite boring. A couple of people think that there will eventually be a Wii Step Aerobics game that will capitalize on this wish of mine. They’re probably right. So release the damn thing already.

# – I’m VERY sick to my stomach. Too much coffee, not enough food. Email me distractions for the next few hours until I can get lunch. Please!

As I get older I’m starting to realize that food can affect me quite a bit more than it used to. Too much of one thing or not enough of another and it can really throw me off. However, I haven’t quite figured out what’s good and what’s bad, what can be tolerated and what should be avoided at all costs.

Yesterday I had 6 “cups” (per the lines on my coffee pot) of coffee in the morning. By 10am I was spinning like crazy and very sick to my stomach. At almost 1pm I got something heavy to eat. Within an hour I felt 75% better. It wasn’t until a had a little down time and another meal that I felt 100%. But, by the end of the day, I felt okay enough to get on the Wii Fit again.

A special thanks to those who sent distractions. I find that, for many of my ailments, keeping me from thinking about them is the easiest way to get around them.

# – Time to build up my harem. Apps are being accepted! Especially if you like stairwells. Maybe this is a good time to use Craigslist. :)

This is a case of “ha ha only serious“. It’s clearly a joke. I don’t have a harem and therefore, don’t have a harem to build up. At the same time, the group of friends and special people that I share physical closeness with is dwindling for various reasons. I certainly don’t require a large group by any means, but, those that remain are largely unavailable. Physical closeness is one of those things that I crave and yet, at the same time, can be absolutely petrified of. It’s a need I don’t fully understand and yet feel very strongly about. It’s comforting. It’s safe. It’s sexy. It’s silly. It’s warm. It’s freeing. And, sometimes, it’s dangerous. All good things.

So, while I don’t actually have a harem, if physical closeness is something your situation allows and something you desire, then, please, really, “applications are being accepted! Especially if you like stairwells.”

Should I use CraigsList for such a purpose. Probably not. I’m better at being close with friends than I am with strangers. But, at the same time, it seems to be well suited to finding such new friends.

# – wanted list: friends: skype, stumble; wishes; harem members; photo: subjects, partners; dreams; dinner friends; progress; peace.

This doesn’t require too much explanation, really. It’s a list of things that I currently desire. Not matieral things. Emotional things. Mental things.

Skype Friends. Check out Skype. It’s the best cross-platform Video/Audio Chatting application I can find. You don’t have to have a camera or a headset to enjoy it either. Sure, it’s more fun if you do, but not required.

Stumble Friends. Check out StumbleUpon. It’s a way of browsing new, interesting websites, as well as sharing new websites that you like with your friends. It’s very easy to use and quite addictive. I’m looking for people to share their interests with me, for people interested in sharing my interests, and hopeful that people will Favorite my photographs so that others will be introduced to them through the world of Stumble.

Harem Members. See above.

Photo Subjects. It’s been ages since I’ve done a portrait session. My studio has been torn down, which makes this harder. But that doesn’t reduce my desire to create and to use the human body as a subject and muse. If you’re interested in being photographed, I’d love to hear from you. I’m specifically looking for people who have free time on weekends to go out to interesting places and be photographed in nature. Additionally, I’m looking for someone who would like to be photographed in the rain. I’d like to set up all the details and logistics so that the next time it’s raining, all it’ll take is a quick phone call and we’ll both be ready to go.

Photo Partners. This is similar to the above, except instead of being in front of my camera, you have your own to stand behind, or, at least, enjoy walking around in various places and stopping for lots of photos. It can get fairly boring to be out alone all the time. I’m looking for someone to share these times with. Someone to lean on for encouragement, to share the waiting with, and to get excited with.

Dinner Friends. See my post from yesterday — you’re invited to dinner — for more information.

Wishes. Dreams. Progress. Peace. These are all self-explanitory.

The concept of a “Summer Camp” to those that don’t live in the North is probably quite foreign. In fact, if it conjures any image at all, it’s more than likely of a group camp affiliated with a church or scouting organization that younger children attend for a few weeks each summer. In a way, it is kind of like that, only, usually on a smaller scale and much more close knit.

When I grew up, my Grandmother had (and still has) a Summer Camp in Vermont. Even after staying with her at Camp for entire summers, I still didn’t really understand what it meant or why anyone would put forth the money and trouble. This year it’s starting to make more sense. It’s not a place, or a season, or certain people. Sure, these things all get included in the end. But, above all that, it’s a way of life, a set of values, and a shared bond between family and friends. And that’s where I’ve spent my past two weeks.

Of course every Camp is different. My In-Laws Camp tends to be quiet, laid back, and relaxed and happens to be equipped with most of the luxuries of home. Other Camps are really just houses on the lake and set in the woods. Others have no running water, save for the complicated array of tubes and water barrels you’ve designed, a kitchen that’s just a basin and a stove under an awning, and more out houses than bedrooms.

Regardless of what a camp is like, if it’s something that is loved and cherished, then being there will be an experience all of it’s own. Maybe a Summer Camp we’ll have one day. Either, one of our own, or one to share part in with others. Some place to bring my own children up with those same values and shared bonds.

We’re looking at one of the following parks in order of highest probability: Ray Roberts, Eisenhower, Cooper Lake, Lake Mineral Wells. These have been chosen because they are within a 2 hour drive and offer hiking trails as well as drive-up camp sites. Chime in if you happen to like one of these parks more than the others.

We will arrive sometime Saturday morning and leave by 11am on Sunday. Depending on what my parents decide for their own weekend plans we will either then go have an easter dinner with them or we’ll be moving a fish and then watching Jesus suck the blood out of perfectly healthy people. Or, if camping was absolutely terrible with the baby, we may just go home and collapse and never leave the house again. I can only make promises regarding Saturday morning.

Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll keep you posted with the details.