revjim.net

Ladies and Gentlemen BEWARE! Cicada season is rapidly approaching. Quit your jobs. Board up your windows. Stock up on canned goods and water. Leaving the house this summer could get you KILLED!

With a 2 to 5 year life cycle, the "Dog Day Cicada", known scientifically as Tibicen and inaccurately as "Locusts", have staggered their emergence patterns so well that they surface EVERY YEAR. They have 2 inch fangs filled with the deadliest of poison, razor sharp claws, and an exoskeleton of pure titanium.

(Dog Day Cicada)

They first emerge from the pits of hell as Nymphs. They climb a nearby tree and wait for the evening. They then shed their skin, and transform into the spawn of Satan. While the poison is present in their bodies at the Nymph stage, they are not very agile. With caution, they can be stomped on or smashed. Use caution not to get any of it's fluids on your skin, as it will eat through your flesh in a matter of seconds. DO NOT touch the Nymph under ANY circumstances. Even for several hours after their death, their skin emits alpha and gamma radiation in quantities so strong the United States Department of Defense is attempting to harvest them for use in next generation atomic bombs. All those who have tried to harvest this creature have died.

(Dog Day Emergence Hole)

(Dog Day Nymph)

After emerging from their shell, they develop their fangs and claws and build their titanium exoskeleton. This process takes about 6 hours, after which, your only defense is to AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS. They have no concern for human life. They savagely kill anything crossing their path. Your children are not safe. Your dog is not safe. You are not safe.

We only have ONE defense. God created a creature to protect us from the Cicada. They are affectionately called "Cicada Killers".

(Our friends, the Cicada Killers)

These wonderful beings are brought down by the angels themselves every year to help rid the world of Evil. They are our friends. They are equipped with claws strong enough to tear open the Cicada's titanium shell. Their bodies are immune to the Cicada's poison. They feed on the Cicada. Many a Cicada killer has lost its life protecting us, and we should be very grateful for their presence.

Please do not take what I am telling you lightly. Satan will blanket this earth with his evil and if you are not prepared, you will suffer. When you see their holes, you had better start hiding. When you see the Nymphs, it is almost too late. And if you see a cicada, you won't live to tell the story.

During the hot summer days you can hear them screeching from the trees, taunting you, and grouping themselves together for the attack. BE PREPARED! Stay indoors! Have food and water! Do not leave your house!! Board up your windows! Lock your doors! Pray that God will protect you and your children. If we are in the good graces of our lord, his Cicada Killers will rid the earth of the Cicada while we huddle inside our homes. At least, until next year.

While the "Dog Day Cicada" appears every year, it's MORE evil and MORE deadly counterpart, the Magicicada emerges in 13 and 17 year cycles. Several broods will be emerging this year. Brood VIII will emerge in OH, PA and WV and Brood XXIII will emerge in AR, IL, IN, KY, LA, MO, MS, and TN. These creatures should be avoided at all costs.

(Magicicada)

They emerge from a much more noticeable opening in the ground. This is because of the immense amount of evil being emitted from them. They PUSH the dirt out of the way as they tunnel up from hell, to the surface of our planet.

(Magicicada Hole)

DO NOT, under ANY circumstance, attempt to kill a Magicicada. Even the Nymphs are powerful enough to destroy you just by looking at you.

The photographs in this post are courtesy of The Cicada Hunt. These men, women, and children are born Cicada slayers. Governed by the Cicada council, they research Cicada, hunt Cicada, and, hopefully someday, rid the world of these horrible creatures of pure evil. Do not try what they do at home. You will surely die.