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Christmas, et al

Dec 26th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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Having a White Christmas in Texas is a mixed bag of good and bad. It’s good for all the obvious reasons (snow! Christmas! etc!) but bad because, in Texas, snow doesn’t just mean snow. It means ice, bad drivers, accidents, road closures, and travel delays and cancellations.

Christmas Eve, Celeste and I didn’t quite make it to our friends house as we had planned. Sure, I have AWD. Sure I could have made it. But after hearing reports of over 300 accident reports in Fort Worth alone, it was no longer the ice, the snow, or my vehicle that I was concerned about. It was all those other drivers. So we stayed put at my mom’s house despite the fact that everyone else had left for church/other festivities.

Christmas was awesome. Despite Celeste never taking a nap worth mentioning and having more sugar in one day than any 2 year old should be allowed in her entire second year, she did quite well. Yeah, she was cranky from time to time toward the end, but, I’m getting quite good at offsetting it.

She loved all of her gifts. The biggest hits were the play kitchen my parents got her, the piggy bank my sister got her, and the playsilks that I got her. I thought the wooden cars and trees that Santa got her would be a big hit too, but she hasn’t given them a second glance yet.

The only odd, strange, unpredictable aspect of Christmas was, once again, my parents. At some point in the not too distant past they decided that immediately following Christmas they’d be taking a vacation to Arkansas to photograph the many waterfalls of the Buffalo River, a worthwhile adventure by any account. But they decided to do so and the hell with anything else.

Celeste’s birthday is today (the 26th). It was going to be celebrated today. We were going to spend one more night at my mom’s and celebrate it over there, saving them and my sister a trip out, and ensuring that my brother would come. My mom, instead, suddenly pushed very hard to have it after dinner on Christmas evening citing that they wanted to get a head start on their vacation. So… that’s exactly what we did. Almost immediately following cake and presents we were — though never specifically stated — kicked out of the house.

It was a mad dash, without reason, to pack up all of our stuff, get it all in the car, and get out on the road. Celeste was crying. Everyone was far too busy to help with anything because they were all packing up their stuff too. I’m glad that C’s mom decided to spend Christmas afternoon with us, for all the obvious reasons of having her there for Celeste on Christmas day but also to help soothe her as everything turned to chaos.

Ideally, I’d have stayed at my mom’s a few more hours and drove back in the evening when Celeste would have slept. Would have made it easier to unload the car and I hate making her take 1 hour road trips to and from when I don’t have to.

All in all it worked out fine, of course, I just don’t particularly care for the the unexpected scramble, nor do I tolerate it very well. I kept imagining myself with a friend/partner who could say “Daniel, calm down!” in the nicest way possible to help keep me even instead of all stressed out. Yeah, I know I should be more “independent” than that, and I do okay on my own. But, I’ve always believed that the true power of a team was based in the ability to rely on each others strengths in order to help cover or improve each others weaknesses. Yes, some of you dream of being rockstars, super models, pimp daddys, and race car drivers. Not me. I just dream of being unstressed, of breathing fresh air, and of laughing as much as possible.

No Christmas recap would be complete without a list of Christmas booty (unfortunately, there was no Christmas “Bootie” to be had, but that can wait for another day). I got a shopvac from my sister, which I am very excited about. I got a netbook from my parents which will hopefully make travel with the kiddo and updating new thoughts and photos a little easier (I’m typing this on it right now). I got a pretty candle/decorative thing from my brother. Celeste loves little decorations, especially those that hold candles, so I’m sure this will be a hit. I also got a nice little pile of random stocking stuffs from that fat guy in a red suit. More than anything I’m excited about all of Celeste’s gifts and eager to see her play with them and watch her imagination create new uses for them.

Merry Christmas to you all. May you find your own life filled with many blessings during this coming year and may you offer even more blessing to those you love and care about.

Still deciding

Dec 24th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

I’ve managed to take one item off the list of possible Christmas plans and yet I’ve added another. So here it is, Christmas Eve, and I’m still making up my mind. Yeah, everything works out this way for me. It’s a curse.

I’m not going to my brothers. That amounted to the most work for the least benefit.

However, a friend (Hi, Skwid!) has offered an invitation to their Christmas festivities. There will even be another kid there and several other friends.

Staying home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning just doesn’t sound ideal. Several of you wrote to say that doing your own thing in your own home with your own kids is the nicest way to spend the holiday. And, in principal, I’d agree. But my situation makes that less desirable. If we only leave gifts under the tree for which there is someone present to receive it, then every gift will be for Celeste, either from me, from a few long distance family members, or from some fat guy in a red coat and silly hat. There are no other kids here. There are no other adults here. And Celeste isn’t old enough to have made or bought me anything on her own. Anyone else that could have helped her do so didn’t. Or at least, if they did, I don’t know about it and the gift isn’t here to open. While I’m a big fan of making our own traditions and having our own little life, I don’t ever want Christmas to amount to a tower of gifts in front of a child and nothing more. Because, to me, that’s not what Christmas is about at all.

To me Christmas is supposed to be about family (chosen and inherited), friendship, and togetherness. It’s supposed to be about giving, and sharing, and believing. It’s supposed to be about hope, and rebirth. The best way to make that happen is to spend it with people that care about us and that want us around.

My parents (well, my dad anyway. my mom still isn’t talking to me) have said, “come whenever you want”. And while that may seem ideal and certainly is from a “cram the most into two days as possible” standpoint, I want to feel wanted. That doesn’t make me feel wanted. Christmas in the past has always been at my parent’s and it has always been mandatory. There was simply no doubt about where everyone was going to be on Christmas day. If you had other stuff going on, that was fine, but you’d better show up and you’d better be there a lot. I liked it that way. Between me spending every other Christmas in Canada with my ex-wife, my older brother moving to Vermont, my sister desiring to have Christmas in her new home the year she bought it, and my brother having to share his kid with his ex-wife on the holidays, the ritual was strained. It could have lasted anyway. Because it was NEVER about WHERE we met, only about who we were meeting with and why. But, all of that fell through the cracks.

I put a lot of importance on ritual: with family and friends, in our day to day lives, and in my own spirituality. This is part of what makes living my life so special to me but also what makes it so difficult from time to time. If I didn’t, then these days would just be ordinary days like any other day and it wouldn’t matter nearly as much what we did or who we saw or whether everything worked out in an ideal fashion. I give Celeste gifts all the time. And we spend time with people all the time. And we spend many, many, many days and nights home together alone. And these days should be no different. Except they are.

So, all of this means that spending time with friends on Christmas Eve is really the best possible option. Friends that have gone out of their way to make sure that we know we’re invited and very welcome. It is, sadly, also the most difficult. Since I’d rather not have Celeste wake up in our empty house on Christmas morning this means that I’d have to drive out to my parent’s house late that night after Christmas Eve festivities, get our room ready for sleeping, put a toddler to bed, unpack a car full of gifts, and then get myself settled in. Or, go to my parent’s house earlier, set everything up, then head out for a lovely Christmas Eve, then head back.

So, in the midst of this pile of wrapping paper and ribbon and tape and too many cups of tea, I’m trying to figure out a plan of action that’s actually going to work, involve the least amount of driving, leave me with the least amount of stress and, most of all, let Celeste have the best possible time.

here we go

Oct 4th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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(since I took the time to set it up, I decided I may as well test the new blog by email feature. So, this entry was sent via email.)

I’ve been up since 4am unable to sleep. On the plus side, I managed to get a lot done.

All of our clothes are packed. Except Socks, Underware, Shoes, and Belts.

I drank an entire pot of coffee.

I put a Wonderpets movie, 2 Wonderpets episodes, and 2 Backyardigans episodes on my iPod for C to watch. She doesn’t watch TV, so I’m just hoping the novelty will keep her entertained. $2/episode seems like a lot, but whatever.

I got a handle on arranging some of my music. This means my iPod now has better music than before and is filled closer to capacity.

I sorted out a few Facebook and website things in order to make updating while traveling easier. I don’t know why, but I love being able to do so, That being said, you should now see “Jim Reverend”, “Daniel James”, and “Amorphous” pages on Facebook. Fan them. Livejournal updates will not happen any more. I give up. And revjimweb on Twitter should have all of this, assuming everything is lined up right.

I still need to pack our plane bags, the above mentioned items, and all the random other stuff we’ll need: Laptop, cameras, batteries, sippy cups, blankets, toiletries, stuffed animals, books, etc. I figure I should be able to get to that with C awake. And she’ll be waking up any minute now.

The plan is to go to my dad’s at some point today, hang out there, sleep there, and then get to the airport tomorrow at 5:30am. I’m ready for the adventure. I really think C is going to enjoy it too. Hopefully, she’ll take my attitude toward travel which can be summed up like this: let things go as they go, you’ll get there when you get there, talk to people, watch people, and don’t be afraid to look stupid.

Kyro was a huge lifesaver to me this morning. I honestly don’t even know what he was doing awake or what state of inebriation he was in, but it really doesn’t matter. I was stressing out big time and helped bring me some clarity.

My biggest concern right now is that the kiddo might be sick. I really hope not. I took her temperature while she was asleep and it was 101. So, if she does have a fever, it probably isn’t much.

Enjoy this photo. It’s a picture of her at the park a few days ago.

Posted via email from revjim’s posterous

I survived the Texas State Fair

Sep 28th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
8 comments

This weekend was packed with fun, the highlight of which was the Texas State Fair on Saturday evening.

waiting for the train

I’m not a big “Fair” person. It’s not that I don’t like it. I can just usually find just as much fun doing my own thing in a less crowded space for less money. And if I bring a few people along with me, it’s just as good if not better. I guess I’m simple that way. But I really thought that Celeste would enjoy the fair, so I wanted to bring her. And Bonnie and Justin wanted to go too, which made it that much more fun.

We stepped on the DART Red Line at Parker Station at about 3pm. And we didn’t step back off until 10pm. Celeste loved every second of it, from the petting zoo, to the Ferris Wheel, to the Corny Dogs.

I had a bout of dad-fail on the way there. I packed two diapers into our backpack knowing I’d grab 6 or 8 more out of the car and then promptly forgot to do so. It wasn’t until we were well on our way on the train that I remembered. We stopped off at Lovers station to buy diapers. Of course a 27 pack was the smallest I could find so I left most of them on top of the trashcan at the train station. Of course, the two diapers I had brought would have been just enough. Oh well. Even worse, the next day I was cleaning out my backpack and realized I’d bought size 5s instead of size 4s. It’s not that I don’t know what size she wears. I’ve been the only one buying her diapers for 8 months now. I have no idea why I bought 5s but I looked for them on purpose. I can remember telling Bonnie “size 5″.

Texas Star

Texas Star

I was a bit frightened in the Ferris Wheel. Heights are heights and I am afraid of them in general. But I know how to overcome that fear fairly well when required. But having Celeste there made it more difficult. I would have been okay if not for the space behind the seats large enough for her to fit through and plummet to her death and her constant desire to climb them. None the less, we all made it out without learning how to fly and I only had to get stern with Celeste once, which I hated doing. I felt like one of those mean parents that are always yelling at their kids for silly things. I wonder if this is how is starts.

She loved it though. She pointed out the hundreds of red and green lights she could see down the street and continued to mention that she went “up in the sky”.

As usual, there was lots of strange food at the fair. I’m not really that eager to try lots of odd foods just for the sake of it. But, for some reason, fried butter just HAD to be tried. So I did. I’m still not sure if I liked it or not. It tasted great. Very buttery, of course. And the batter was delicious. But, at the same time, it was just too much butter.

Celeste loved it when I walked around with her up on my shoulders so she could see everything. This isn’t a posture she usually likes so those muscles on me are pretty weak. Every time I’d take a break she’s grab my face and turn it toward her (something she does in crowded or loud places to make sure you are paying attention to her) and would say “more up on the shoulders!!”.

The Little Pigs

The Little Pigs

The petting zoo was fun for her too. The moment she remembers best was the baby pigs. If you ask her about it, even now, she’ll tell you how there were lots of baby pigs, and a momma pig, and how all the baby pigs were drinking milk. She stared in awe for a long time. She also fed an Emu, pet a Donkey, and mimicked the bleat of a goat. She tried to feed a goat, one grain of food at a time. But the goat decided she was just too slow, took the food from her hands and ate everything, paper cup and all. Celeste thought this was hilarious.

On top of all of that, we saw briefly saw the car show, Big Tex, and the water fountains. Of course, the DART ride itself was an adventure as well, which Celeste loved. It took her a bit to get used to being in the train. Since we got on at the first stop there was time to get her acquainted with how it worked, walking on it, getting on and off it, etc. Once I did that, she was fine with it and eventually took to staring out the window, pointing at everything, and jumping up and down in her seat.

sun set from 212 feet

sun set from 212 feet

The only disappointment was DART on our trip back. On the way there the trains were not crowded and there were people directing you to the right location everywhere you turned. I don’t require this but it was nice to have. On the way back there was no one around and the information we sought out was incorrect. Additionally, there were not enough trains running which meant that we all waited longer than we should have and ended up on a VERY full train. Celeste and I stood for all of the first 12 or 13 stops. It was at the 3rd to last stop that there was finally room for both of us to sit. I didn’t mind standing so much. And despite being exhausted, Celeste didn’t seem to mind too much either. Lots of people offered us their seat, but I knew Celeste wanted the window and would only be upset if we got a seat but she couldn’t stand in the window and look out, so I declined when the offered. Lots of people commented on how good Celeste was being and at how smart she is. I have an awesome kid.

All told, the Texas State Fair was an awesome experience and I’m glad I decided to take Celeste.

slowly twisting in the wind

Sep 22nd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
6 comments
with each new shade

I see you there

  • There is a certain peace that comes with the understanding that something I was afraid to try wouldn’t have worked out anyway. With the sadness of loss comes the satisfaction of knowing.
  • I’m taking Celeste to the Texas State Fair this weekend. If I go on Friday it’ll be a mad dash to pick her up from school and get out there and I’ll probably drive and park and all of that. But if I go on Saturday the DART Light Rail now has a Green Line that runs to Fair Park. I’m thinking about parking in Plano and taking the Light Rail down. Maybe stopping for a late lunch at Mockingbird Station along the way.
  • Celeste hasn’t slept well for many nights. I know she has a sinus and ear infection, probably due to the change in weather, her teeth coming in, or both. I prefer not to give her Antibiotics every time she gets an infection but if this lasts much longer I’m going to take her in.
  • As a way of increasing my aerobic activity and neutralizing the negative effects of electronic sedation without having to totally cut myself off, I’m in the market for a stationary bike, elliptical, or other aerobic exercise machine. I’d prefer to get my exercise under the big blue sky or a blanket of stars. But, often the only time I can find for it is once Celeste is asleep at which point leaving the house isn’t an option.
  • At some point in the past this site changed from a technical blog about web development and gadgets to a photo blog (which has moved). It has since changed again to become a blog about parenting, health, clean food, and life. I’m finally okay with that.
  • I’m finally starting to accept Kyro’s advice: I’ve lived a lot and experienced many things. Talking to a girl I don’t know shouldn’t be difficult. Even if I happen to have a baby on my hip.
  • My In-Laws will more than likely be visiting Celeste during our trip to NY/VT. I am strangely okay with this. During my marriage to Jess I lived in great fear of their disapproval. This no longer plagues me. I see them simply as a set of people wishing to share Celeste’s life. They are good people, they bring a positive influence to Celeste, and there’s no way that’s a bad thing.
  • I overspent in the past month. Which really isn’t a good thing to do before a vacation since I’ll likely overspend then too. So I’ve got myself on lockdown for now.
  • I need to find someone to care for my kitties while Celeste and I are in the Northeast. I hate asking for favors.
  • Tonight is my first Tuesday without Celeste on the new schedule. I’ve got a light dinner, cleaning, web site editing, and photography on the slate all in small, undefined portions.
  • I think my new glasses were made wrong. They hurt my eyes. A lot. So I have to go get them looked at today. If there is something wrong with them, hopefully they can get them fixed before I leave for the Northeast. If not, I’ll be wearing contacts and my old glasses. I have a picture of them, but I’d rather not put it here. Let me know if you want to see. Don’t worry, I’m fully clothed. ;)

And I can’t sing the blues anymore

Sep 16th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
17 comments

I’ve got a 9am meeting this morning so I have to rush Celeste out the door. This will not be fun. No bath. Eat in the car. And my having to say no in regard to playing, reading books, and going for a walk will probably bring plenty of tears. But… if I can keep a good attitude. Maybe she will too. I could just wake her up earlier, but, she didn’t get to bed until late. And I rather ruin my day than ruin hers.

I went to pay a big stack of bills this morning to find that they were all either not actually bills or already paid. Hooray. Cause I’m running low on cash.

Had a nice time at the park yesterday with Celeste, Bonnie, Justin, and Niece (their dog).

I think it’s sad that no one writes sappy love songs any more. Not the “umf umf, let’s do it all night long, cause I can go all night” kinda song. I mean the “brown-eyed girl”, “I wanna hold your hand”, “something in the way she moves” variety. Or maybe people are writing them and I just haven’t heard them. What’s your favorite love song from the past five years that doesn’t include “li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toe” in the lyrics?

I think my mattress is broken. Or something. It was expensive and purchased within the last 2 years so, in theory, it should still be comfortable. But I feel like my weight has made a permanent dent in it and that shouldn’t be possible. That dent is causing it to not support my weight like I need. Yeah, yeah, insert all the fat jokes you want right here. I’m not sure if I should call them and see, sell the thing and buy a new one, or just live with it. I’m not looking forward to the hassle of dealing with customer service. Regardless, it hurts my back. Maybe I’ll sleep on the air mattress for a few nights and see if it’s any better. If so, at least then I’ll know it’s responsible.

first train home, I’ve got to get on it

Sep 14th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments
finer details

finer details

It’s saddening and maddening to realize that, these days, nearly every frustration I face is merely a byproduct of a time and work based society without control over our own timeline. Our ancestors did not face these stresses. At one point did we become so dependent on progress that we failed to realize that what we have now is worth living.?

My three step manifesto is going well. I had one failure with #3, but I’ve since course corrected.

C’s mom and I have a new schedule we’re trying with her in the hopes of offering both her and us some more stability. So with the exception of one day a week (Tuesday) and the weekends (which are always wildcards whether I get to spend time with my daughter or not) my days with and without her are now set and are the same every week. I’m slowly picking out what’s going to work best for us. I think that Sunday nights, the only “school night” on which I never have Celeste, will be reserved for me-time. So I’ll put no requirement whatsoever on myself to keep with with any obligations outside of the bare minimum. And I think I’ll reserve Tuesday, the only alternating “school night” for larger projects at home — crafts, cleaning, shampoo making, etc. It’ll make it easier for me to have a set day to postpone larger jobs to in order to help me forget about them and enjoy the rest of the week. And for really large jobs that Celeste can’t help with, I’m only ever, at most, two weeks away. Otherwise they consume me.

This new schedule isn’t the best ever. But it’s certainly a big step in the right direction. As has always been the case with changes like this, I’m now struggling with figuring out how I’m going to manage it all and still put in the time required of me at work. One day at a time, I’m getting out of this.

If I didn’t have the back and forth with Celeste to adhere to, I really think we’d be better off and far happier in a tiny little town with enough land to keep a few chickens, a few goats, and a small garden. Especially if I could find a like minded person or two to share the work load with. Ideally, I’d have a big enough property to put 4 or 5 small houses on with some interesting common areas.

Panic is setting in about our trip to New York / Vermont. Not so much that I won’t be able to make it, but that I won’t be able to live up to the expectations that others are no doubt placing on this trip. I, for instance, have things I’d like to do that have nothing to do with any of my family there. They can come, of course, but it’s more for Celeste and I. I’m worried that our “schedule” will be too much for others to handle. I’ve already gotten two cases of stress. The first was me telling my mom that I was going straight to my grandmothers when we got off the plane. I asked her if she could have dinner for us so that we could see her sooner (knowing she’d want that) and she said that we were getting in too late for her to eat. So then I told her that we’d stop somewhere on the way in and go straight to my grandmas to unpack, say hello, bathe, and get to bed, to which she objected because she wants to see us right away. After I agreed to stop at her place and pick her up for an hour or so and then bring her home, she objected because she wanted to stay at my grandma’s until Celeste went to bed, not realizing how late that might be and not understanding that, once Celeste goes to sleep I won’t be able to leave until she wakes up again.

Ugh. I think I should stop being so prolific. I don’t think anyone actually reads all of this anyway.

Dreaming of Alligators

Sep 11th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet
snap snap

snap snap

Last night I had a disturbing dream. This always seems to happen when I can’t find a way to get comfortable in bed.

I was talking on the phone with Emily. Celeste and I had just been some place and Emily was mentioning that there was another place near where we were that served tea that might be fun to visit with the kids one day. So, Celeste and I were taking a walk though a small park that joined the two in order to go check it out.

As I walked through the park I was holding Celeste in one arm and still talking to Emily. I looked over through some trees to the right at a pond and saw an Alligator there, just coming out of the water. Before I could run he snapped at us catching Celeste’s left leg in his jaws just below the knee.

Here’s where it gets even stranger. The alligator didn’t bite all the way through. In fact, if he would just open his mouth she would more than likely have nothing more than a few puncture wounds that would heal quickly. So I was holding Celeste with an Alligator attached to her leg and had a choice to make. I could kick at him, maybe getting him to let go, or maybe pissing him off so much that he attacks us again, this time, no doubt, much worse. I could pull Celeste out of his mouth, more than likely leaving her leg seriously damaged and then run like hell. Or I could just wait to see what he does next, hoping that he opens his mouth and leaves us alone.

This scenario is how I see almost every difficult choice I have to make. And similar choices are currently at the forefront of my mind.

In my dream, the last part of it, from the bite onward, continued to repeat itself. Each time I’d try something a little bit different. The outcome was never good. In one scenario, we managed to break free from the Alligator only to find his friend waiting a few seconds down the path. However, in my dream, waiting it out was never attempted. Trusting the Alligator was simply not an option.

Texas Coast: Day 4

Sep 11th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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(This is Texas Coast Day 4, Saturday, September 6th.)

Kids and Dogs

Kids and Dogs

The plan was to go to a park, then take a nap, then have lunch, then go to a petting zoo, then have dinner.

Breakfast was had but by the time everyone was ready to go, it was already time for lunch. So we went to get some food. Afterwards we stopped at the grocery store, took the scenic route through Beaumont home, and then put Celeste down for a nap.

Celeste and Gumbo

Celeste and Gumbo

When she woke I got her ready to go to the petting zoo, but when we got there it was a sad sight to see. There was hardly anyone there, only a couple of sad animals in very small cages plus ponies that walked in circles. So, we decided it wasn’t worth it, and went to the park instead. It was particularly hot that day, so our trip to the park ended quickly.

We made one last stop at the grocery store and then went back home.

Lots of people came over that night for dinner and good times. Celeste swam in the back yard pool, and really enjoyed the Gumbo that was made. We all stayed up late to watch Bonnie spin fire and then sat and talked late into the evening while the toddlers had a dance party in the living room.

All in all, a good day.

Texas Coast: Day 3

Sep 8th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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(This is Texas Coast Day 3, Saturday, September 5th.)

The bucket

The bucket

We started the day out with some breakfast cooked at Justin’s Mom’s house where we were staying. After breakfast, we headed out to an Alligator Farm. We saw Crocodiles, Alligators, Cayman, Snakes and Turtles. A tour guide gave a nice long talk about the animals and even let us touch them. We left the tour because it was rather long and everyone was getting antsy. We were going to eat on site, but the wait was too long so we picked up some BBQ to eat back at the house.

The pink chair on the shore

The pink chair on the shore

After Celeste’s nap we headed back to the beach. This time we’d be meeting lots of other people there. There were 5 toddlers in all and the beach was full of cars and people. I dug a hole in the sand to serve as a private toddler ocean being continuously refilled by the oncoming waves. Celeste had a blast looking for seashells, rolling in the sand, playing in the waves, and walking down the beach and dancing yo other people’s music. She particularly enjoys Tejano.

As the sun was setting and we’d had our fill of sun and sand we packed up and headed back to home base, stopping at dairy queen for a quick meal.

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